Stanford’s Brook Lopez (not to be confused with Kelly Brook) returned from his academic ineligibility (Stanford has academic standards, who knew?!) to lead the Cardinal over Santa Claus Clara last night. Brook rejoined his twin brother Robin in the starting lineup but their other brothers Trixie, Crystal, and Barbie are still missing and presumed effeminate. The better/stupider twin led the way with 20 points in just 19 minutes to go along with a standout performance on the defensive end of the floor. Santa Clara’s left tackle/center, John Bryant, looked both frustrated and starving all night long.

Stanford 74 - Santa Clara 48