In a game that neither team seemed to want to win, Illinois defeated Missouri for the eight straight “Bragging Rights” game at St. Louis’ Scottrade Center, ironically sponsored by the equally lackluster Busch Light. Forty minutes of scrappy Midwestern ball ended when Lawrence foibled his chance to drive in the buzzer beater. With 7.4 seconds left, the sophomore dribbled the ball off of his foot as he attempted to build the final attack.  After this week’s loss to Miami(OH), Illinois will likely use this win to return to thinking that they are awesome. Chants of “BCS! BCS!” rang through the arena shortly after the final whistle. Stay classy, [Fighting Redacted].

Illinois 59-Missouri 58

One does not walk lightly into the Izzone, but when you’re a top 5 team like Texas, at least look like you care about your tournament seeding. Michigan State strangled control of this midway through the first and never looked back. In typical Longhorn style, they rally back to make it interesting, but fall short of the actual comeback and must settle on a moral victory. AJ Abrams outdid DJ Augustin with 24 points off the bench to his teammate’s 22, but it wasn’t enough initials or hype to get past the Spartans. In a game that had all of the excitement of a blowout, and none of the fun of an actual reversal, Michigan State improves their resume and sends the Longhorns back to Austin for a consolation ranking somewhere between 9 and 11.

Michigan State 78- Texas 72

Welcome one and all to a truly epic day in the 2007 season which I’ve dubbed Ballgasm Saturday. ESPN’s incestuous family of networks is airing four quality games that are conveniently stacked up one after another. If it were up to me I’d be locked in my apartment for the next 8 hours, but society demands that I buy crap for relatives because some assholes decided that their god was born around the time of the winter solstice to dupe a bunch of pagan assholes. Hooray!

Getting back to the original point, it’s a dream day to be a basketball fan who already has his shopping done. Here’s a handy breakdown of all the action.

No. 4 Georgetown at No. 2 Memphis

Simply put, this is the kind of game that makes me happy to be alive. This one’s already over (I tried to write the post during the game but I only managed a couple of nonsensical sentences) and Memphis was superb in victory. Georgetown couldn’t find their offensive rhythm in the second half and they had no answer for Chris Douglas-Roberts. Regardless of the outcome I maintain that these are the two best teams in the nation on a neutral court (shut the fuck up UNC and KU fans, I can already hear your bitching). Hopefully the Hoyas get another shot in the Final Four.

No. 12 Tennessee at No. 24 Xavier

Drew Lavender is easily the most talented midget in college basketball but he’s seriously lacking in the wacky antics department. Regardless of his skill I don’t see Xavier sticking around against a Tennessee team composed entirely of full sized humans. The best battle of the day will be between Bruce Pearl’s dominating puddle and the scrappy mop boys of Xavier.

No. 25 Stanford at Texas Tech

The Lopez sisters are going to make Bobby Knight wish his team wasn’t so damn shitty. Seriously Knight, just go away now.

No. 5 Texas at No. 10 Michigan State

D.J. Augustin is about as good as it gets but that’s nothing new for Rick Barnes and it’s never seemed to help his teams win big games in the past. Michigan State counters with Drew Nietzel, who is a great guard with ten years of college basketball experience, and the masterful Tom Izzo. The floorboards will run burnt orange with the blood of the Longhorns.

Oh ESPN, you spoil us so.

I’ll be back to recap the action later tonight if I’m not being held in custody for bludgeoning a salesperson to death.