Ahoy there my lovely basketball travelers. I hadn’t seen you there on the leisure deck as I was thoroughly focused on my refreshing Campari on ice, so nice. So, it seems we’re ready to chart a course through these blustery midwestern times and set off to the lush tropical climes of hot and sexy conference play. Tonight’s main attractions bring a few old friends together with the dash of the exotic. Manuelo! Full speed ahead to fantastic!

Pushing Off With Some Light Jams

Lafayette at (13) Pittsburgh 700et, ESPNU
TCU at (14) Texas 500et, ESPN Full Court

Some of us aren’t ready to head out into the open seas, so we’ll just kick back and take in some sweet cupcakes as we ready the riggings for a full night of smooth conference play. Enjoy these match ups as a change of pace between more rigourous bouts of delightful.

Strong Beats and Primal Screams

Penn State at Northwestern, 900et ESPN2

Rutgers at South Florida, 700et ESPN2

St. John’s at Syracuse, 700et ESPN Full Court

Some real meaty conference mumbo jumbo going on right here. The scrappy nights leaving it all on the line start right here and right now. Sure, they may not be the flashiest songs in the book, but you can’t make a good setlist without them. Start the conference fires burning on this cold winter’s night, and keep it burning bright. You’ve got to keep the fire. Keep the fire as we head into these stormy waters.

Tonight, Your Specials Will Be Smooth

#24 Wisconsin at Michigan, 700et
#12 Indiana at Iowa, 900et

Some classy types kick off their conference schedules with some light doormats. Iowa and Michigan haven’t started the season off on their best feet, but there may be some hope for just a little bit of home cooking. Its still Top 25 magic stirring the pot, and the wins count just the same. The Badgers and Hoosiers look to keep it smooth as they put on their rock bloukers and start their schedule with some comfortably casual and confident play.  These two are so smooth they’re for regional eyes only.

Chinua Achebe tried to warn us but we were too busy being tasered to notice.

It should come as no secret that I’m a huge fan of Pitt hoops and their spritely spark plug, Levance Fields. So I was obviously devastated to return to the computer after a week off to find that my beloved point guard broke a metatarsal (latin for “ass-kicking bone”) and will miss at least two months..

Fields survived an off-season plagued by a handsy cop with an itchy taser finger know he’s on the shelf because of a fucking toe. It marked the second consecutive game in which Pitt lost one of their starters for an extended (read: all fucking season) period. The team has lost another leader and taken a serious hit to their overall depth. Sharp-shooting Ronald Ramon takes over at point while future-stud Gilbert Brown is filling in on the wing.

In the past two games the Panthers are 1-1 with a huge overtime upset over Duke and a crushing defeat at the hands of the indomitable Flyers of Dayton. Sweeping Georgetown might not be quite as realistic a concept as it was last week.

I’m sure other stuff has happened in the world of college basketball, and as soon as my hangover subsides I’ll be sure to look into it.