Hey there, everyone. Katie Ralston here of your local friendly Champaign-Urbana chapter of the Illini Bandwagon. I just wanted to remind everyone that we are still having weekly meetings at The White Horse at 6pm every Wednesday. Come on in and enjoy the $1.50 drafts and $5 pitchers of yummy spiced rum and Pepsi as we all get geared up for Karaoke at 9.

I know its been a rough year being a member of the Illini bandwagon and all, and sure, we suck some righteous ass right now, but that’s no reason to not support how much we don’t hate our sort of favorite team. Right? Right? Right. We all know there’s just so many reasons why the team is struggling this year, and all of it is completely not our fault. Its so hard to win at Illinois because we’re so awesome and the deck is stacked against us almost every night. We need to stick together like the temporary counsel of indigenous peoples that this school represent and show our love for the team or at least the color orange, which by the way is totally ridonk with practically everything.

Looking at the year so far, its not that much of a surprise to the loyal bandwagoner why we’re getting slapped around by the Penn States of the world. I mean, seriously, Penn State? Ewww. Its obvious that they had some help to get out of the House of Paign alive. The refs were clearly on their side the whole night. No matter how much my friends and I screamed our love for Stevey Holdren (so cute!) those losers wouldn’t give us any breaks. Good thing Coach Weber didn’t put him in, because he totally would have thrown some fucking elbows in their face just because. Our man’s got five fouls to give, and at least one of them is going to be a forearm to some unsuspecting phony major dumbass. Maybe they don’t teach “Not getting kicked in the teeth” at places like Tennessee State. Our school is so much smarter than that.  I wanted to punch them with brass knuckles covered in razor wire after that one.  Christ.

Why don’t these retarded visiting teams just realize how insanely good we are and just lie down? Its because they are all out to get us. Everyone has painted a target on the Illini’s back just because of all of the things that we do so much better than them, like accounting and stuff, but even that shit about how we invented the internet. Look it up, bitches. Its really just the conference doesn’t want us to completely take over. Its absolutely them, the networks, and the Jews. Don’t think I don’t know what’s going on out there, guys. you know they totally told that limp-wristed Eric Gordon to go to Indiana and paid Bill Self to go start his crazy church missionary crap out there in Kansas. Fuckers.

Anyway, be sure to come by this week when we plan on doing ass loads of shots with Dee Brown, he’s pretty much here every night.