And finally, one last Sampson item before we let that sad story fade into Bolivian - and it involves an old friend of everybody who thinks they are indeed a man regardless of whether they are indeed 40, Ms. Jenni Carlson of The Oklahoman. Apparently, she just couldn’t help chiming in on the whole snafu:

For any journalism students out there - take this video as a cautionary whale. If her investigative skills are as robust as her writing style, it would explain why she became famous for a hack piece critiquing a player for eating fried chicken. (And really - who critiques a Southern man for eating fried chicken?) Free advice: similes are like rosemary - delightful for accent when used sparingly, wooden and overpowering when used in excess. (Exception proves the rule, natch.)

Have a great weekend, folks - we’ll be back on Monday.

Is a delicate ballet.

The Game Everyone is Talking About (sort of)

Kings If Just For A Day
#13 Louisville 90, #17 Notre Dame 85

Allegiance and Haterade - they are fickle powers to be sure. Louisivlle football wins, crickets. Louisville basketball wins, I’m cringing in preparation for the next time I have to see Rick Pitino’s preening face on PTI. Yes, Rick, we know you believe in your team. No, Rick, we don’t want to hear you talk abo … NO, RICK, PUT DOWN THE WHITE SUIT. PUT IT DOWN.

Apparently, Slick Rick wasn’t kidding when he said his entire team would improve when David Padgett was back to 100%. Padgett’s 26 points led the Cardinals, who shot 53% from the floor and never trailed in this game thanks to a complete shutdown of Irish sharpshooter Kyle McAlarney. The Irish are still on pace to get a first round bye in the Big East Tournament - a complicated, multiround tournament that relies on icebreaker name games, teen angst, and Madison Square Garden to catch attention.

The Game You Should Have Watched

In Soviet Slovakia, Three Shoot You!
#14 Butler 66, Wright State 61

Julian Betko, a senior from Slovakia, buried five three-pointers in the first half to lead Butler in a bounce-back win after getting depantsed by Drake over the weekend. Betko spend the second half scanning the crowd for spies and assassins while his teammates finished the win. Because spies don’t sleep. They wait.

With an RPI stuck in the 70s thanks to a steady diet of Christmas cookies out of conference, Wright State needed to sweep the Bulldogs to have a case for an at-large - now, it’s league tournament or bust. Which is fitting - because, mid-major with two legitimate good teams or not, I can’t get passed the fact that the league is called Horizon. Lame.

Also - when two good mid-majors play the game of the night, does Kyle Whelliston walk around the house with his dick hanging out? Does the cat look at him funny? These are the questions that keep us up at night.

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Can u hr me now? Good.

Kelvin Sampson: OK … can’t catch any flies without putting out a little honey. Time to get started on the call list for the day!

[dials]

Eric Gordon: Hello?

KS: Hey Eric - how are you holding up? You feeling good? You feeling strong?

EG: Um, hey Coach.

KS: Nice win over tOSU on Tuesday - nice win. You and D.J. looked great out there. You always look great, you beautiful boys, you.

EG: [mildly weirded out, but used to it by now] Thanks, Coach. Look, it’s good to hear from you, but are you really supposed to be talking to us?

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They’ve gone to plaid!

THE GAME EVERYONE WAS TALKING ABOUT (SORT OF)

Man, I’m Getting Sick of Orange
Clemson 79, Miami (FL) 69

Orange and purple. Orange and green. Thank God neither of these teams were wearing their alternate jerseys, or I would have spent most of the game wondering if I had accidentally taken acid and vomited all over my television. (Because that’s what acid does, friends. You get sick, but even the sickness is trippy.)

Clemson led by as much as 21 in the first half, but managed to fall behind with seven minutes to go in the game. Efficient shooting (over 50% from the floor, over 60% from deep) and solid defense allowed them to close the deal. The win gives the Tigers their first season at or above .500 in ACC play since Rick Barnes patrolled their sidelines in the late ’90s. (He must actually dig the orange.) The U needs to close strong to stay in the at-large hunt, since they have only one road win against a likely tournament team (Mississippi State) and none in conference.

TWO OTHER STORIES, JUST FOR KICKS

Midshipmen Accused of Anti-American Sentiment
Navy 83, American 68

Honestly, I just wanted to write about this one for the pun in the tagline.

What? Oh, fine. Bully for the Middies, who now can clinch a Patriot League Championship banner with a win or tAU loss on Saturday. (Redeemable for one free cup of coffee, offer ends after conference tournament when regular season title becomes worthless.) As a proud Georgetown alum, I can’t help but pity tAU as they risk missing the tournament for the forever-th straight year. Poor, poor tAU. Stuck with an annoying definite article in their formal name … practically located in Maryland … wait, what do you mean they have their own Metro stop? Spoiled jerks.

In Heaven, The Protestant Jesus Chuckles
Mid-Major Catholic Schools Go 1-4 on Wednesday

Serves me right for gettin’ all uppity.

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In response to yesterday’s Morning Roundup, a few kind individuals pointed out that the University of San Diego, the team Saint Mary’s knocked off Monday night, is also a Catholic school. A quick check of the most authoritative source available to budding lawyas confirms that seven out of eight members of the West Coast Conference are run by children of the Bishop of Rome.

Um … whoops. Must of missed all the unis at mass on Sunday. Let me bring out Sister Mary Katherine for an appropriate punishment.

[rubs wrists] Sister needs to get laid.

Anyway, the overall point stands - Catholic schools have a weird habit of dominating small conference ball, even when they don’t control more than half of the teams in question. (See: A-10 and WCC this year, Patriot and MAAC most years, not to mention all the Jessy schools in major conferences and the biggest upset in college basketball history.)

Whelliston probably has a historical explanation for this, but the only story we can come up with is that just because player aren’t ready for big conference ball doesn’t mean they aren’t itchin’ for big conference poon - and wherever go the priests, there go the school girls.

Obligatory, if utterly NSFW video that is totally acceptable because, dammit, The Kentucky Fried Movie was an important cultural moment after the jump.
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FAIL. (Half the time.)

The Game Everyone is Talking About (sort of)

So much for the lucky blazer
#14 Vanderbilt 72, #1 Tennessee 69:

Bruce Pearl seems to enjoy looking like a Creamsicle for the Vanderbilt and Kentucky games each year. But after last night’s game, Pearl’s record in the neon blazer is only 6-5 since taking over as Vols’ head coach in 2005-06. His desire to honor Ray Mears is admirable, but he’s not paid to honor history, so maybe a normal suit is in order for the UK game next week.

The keys to the win for the red-headed stepnerds of the SEC - hot shooting from senior star Shan Foster (32pts, 9/13 shooting, moderate and justified ballhogging) and cold shooting from the Vols (33% from the field). Vandy has now won four straight games against top-ranked teams, which is … wow.

My one question - does Vandy’s win mean that we have to listen to SEC chest-thumpers brag about how deep the conference is? Yes? DAMMIT. Don’t we get basketball season off from that shit?

The Game You Should Have Watched

Mormons reluctantly accept charity
#25 Brigham Young 70, New Mexico 69

The Cougars didn’t play their best game - they committed twice as many turnovers, let the Lobos grab 12 offensive rebounds, and floor leader Lee Cummard fouled out with a minute to go in a tight game. Fortunately, the Lobos were feeling grabby all over - and BYU’s squad reacted in exactly the understated, socially-neutral (read: boring) way you would expect - nailing their free throws down the stretch to clinch a hard conference win. Still, it was an overtime game, and overtime basketball kicks ass.

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Somewhere at a blackjack table in the AC, Tim Donaghy is hoping that people will forget his name. And he may well get his wish, because college officials to give the critics of officiating new ammunition almost daily.

The latest exhibit - the Big Sky conference suspended three officials late Monday for “misapplication of rules” in a game between Montana and Idaho State on Sunday. Their particular bone-headed move - not calling a technical foul on the Grizzlies when they attempted to call a timeout they didn’t have in a tie game. The correct call would have given Idaho State a few shots to take a lead with 1.2 seconds left. The actual call let Montana win in overtime.

Officiating a sport at a top level - bear with me that Big Sky is “top level” basketball - is hard work, and I do not come to bury these men. I mean, it’s not as if there is some really famous example of how that rule is supposed to be applied or anything …

… but seriously, folks. This isn’t a matter of getting a split-second call wrong, or abuse of discretion. They FORGOT something - either the rule itself, or that they could check the replay. So, suspend away, Mr. Big Sky Commissioner … and Mr. Donaghy, next round is on the house.

A few updates after a relatively light night of games:

The Game Everyone Was Talking About (sort of)

Beasley Cries Himself to Sleep, Wants His Huggins - #5 Texas 74, Kansas State 65: Put yourself in Michael Beasley’s shoes. Every night you step on the court, you drop a double-double (last night’s line: 30 points, 15 boards with 5 on offense, a pair of dimes and a steal). On any given night, your teammates MIGHT show up. More likely, as they did last night, they will actually vomit on the court. (Taking out Beasley’s stats, the Wildcats shot 26% from the floor and 45% from the line.) There are millions on the table in the NBA. Oh, and you are stuck in Manhattan, Kansas. I’m a big fan of higher education, with the student debt to prove it, and even I want Beasley to go to the NBA for his own sanity.

Meanwhile, the Longhorns showed the type of balance you need to win games on the road. Connor Atchley, who is unsurprisingly Caucasian, contributed 14 points and 7 boards despite spending most of the game in foul trouble after vain attempts to guard Beasley. D.J. Augustin and A.J. Abrams contributed 24 and 13 respectively thanks to 45% accuracy behind the arc. (The Longhorns may struggle against faster teams with better perimeter defense, but that’s a problem for another day.)

The Game You Should Have Watched

More evidence that student government causes harm than good - Texas Southern 77, Arkansas-Pine Bluff 76: The unfortunately-abbreviated APB sent the game to overtime when Marcelle Goins nailed a shot from half court as the buzzer sounded to tie the score at 68. Texas Southern, however, had a two point lead going into overtime thank to a technical foul called on APB as time expired. What gave? After Goins’ miracle lob, the home crowd celebrated by littering the court with cups, Frisbees, and pens given out pregame by candidates for student office. The two gimmes were the difference, keeping APB three games behind Alabama State in conference standings. Video courtesy of tWWL after the jump, that suggests that the refs may have overreacted just a bit: (more…)

[Stanford players exit the floor after beating Cal 79-69]

Brook: d00d!

Robin: d00d!

Brook: Whoa!

Robin: That game rocked. We both hit double digits, totally shut down their post game … GOD, it feels good to beat a rival.

Brook: Rock.

Robin: Especially when its another so-called “smart school.”

Brook: I guess.

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The Game Everyone Was Talking About

No Elvis Mentions Here - #2 Tennessee 66, #1 Memphis 62: The first half looked like two teenagers having sex for the first time - lots of awkward energy, regular timeouts in a vain attempt to maintain control, and utter exhaustion after five minutes.

Thankfully, order was restored by the second half, and awkward apologies and tears were replaced by quality ball. Tennessee played inspired defense down the stretch to hold a slim lead, and proved they can win despite an off day for Chris Lofton. (And an off-day he had - only 7 points on 2-for-11 shooting.) Even in defeat, Memphis showed they haven’t lost too much zip on their fastball despite a steady diet from the Conference USA pupu platter for the last month.

ESPN’s coverage seemed surprisingly understated - which has to be the first time anyone has said that about a game broadcast by Dick Vitale. Too much Priscilla Pressley to be sure, but on the whole, the Mouse did an alright job of presenting the game without too much hype, even with the Gameday team on hand.

Two Games I Liked For No Good Reason

Jeykll and Hide - Ohio 69, George Mason 57: No offense to the Bobcats, but the story of this game is Mason’s utter collapse. After entering the break with a 13-point lead thanks to super-strong defense, the Patriots allowed the home squad to lap them in the second half, 50-25. When your team takes an entire half off … against a middle-of-the-table MAC team with less talent and no hopes of an at-large bid … chances are you aren’t going to look very good against stiffer competition come tournament time. Don’t think the selection committee won’t notice.

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