Scoreboard.

THE GAME EVERYONE TALKED ABOUT (SORT OF)

Pat Knight Ain’t His Daddy
#5 Kansas 109, Texas Tech 51

Texas Tech on Saturday – strong, playing as a unit, victorious. Texas Tech on Monday night – tired, defeated, in desperate need of a new diaper.

There are important victories, there are statement games, and then there are absolute fucking beatdowns. Last night was the latter. We looked away (actual work, ya know) with Kansas up 30-22. We looked back twenty minutes later, and Kansas was going into the half on a 24-4 run. Statistics don’t do this justice, but one more: the only Jayhawk not to score was freshman walk-on Chase Buford, who has played a total of 19 minutes all season, last night included. Wave to your mom, Chase.

While this win was their annual Senior Night beatdown (KU now has won 25 straight home closers), Kansas has been triflin’ of late. A win like this doesn’t just give the players confidence in one another – it makes them believe their farts smell like flowers and that their dicks can pleasure all the ladies of Lawrence simultaneously. You can’t beat that kind of enthusiasm going into the postseason.

THE GAME YOU SHOULD HAVE WATCHED

OVERTIME MEANS MORE CHEEZ DOODLES!
Winston-Salem State 76, Bethune-Cookman 71 (2OT)

Double overtime and HBCUs? Sign us the fuck up. (Your author is a good Southern boy – historical guilt and cultural fascination combine into a powerful fuel for interest in historically black schools.) No tourney implications, since BCC is at the bottom of the MEAC and WSSU won’t join that conference until next year, having just moved up from Division II, but …

Oh shit.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME. [pause, crunch] MY ALMA MATER SECURED A WIN AGAINST A FUTURE. CONFERENCE. FOE. YOU CAN’T TELL ME THAT DOESN’T HAVE MEANING! YOU CAN’T! [pause, crunch] DON’T BRING ME THAT! DON’T BRING THAT JUNK AGAINST MY RAMS! [pause, crunch] ‘CAUSE YOU CAN’T BACK THAT UP! YOU CAN’T!

Ahem.

TWO MORE STORYLINES, JUST FOR KICKS

Few Tang Clan Ain’t Nothin’ To Fuck With – #22 Gonzaga 88, Santa Clara 54

The boys in Spokane are putting on their annual Phil Ivey impersonation – fighting other players and racial stereotypes to win small-time contests in a robot-like fashion, only to fall apart in the Main Event. The win clinches an 8th straight West Coast Conference regular season championship for Gonzaga, who now get to fight against a small Australian named Patty in the conference tournament. I don’t like their odds.

Yellow Means Friendship, I Hear – West Virginia 76, Pittsburgh 62

We should hate this game. It combines two things we hate irrationally: “bubble teams” and Bob Huggins. It befuddles us that Pittsburgh somehow secured its spot in the tournament by scraping past Syracuse this weekend, West Virginia secured its spot by beating Pitt last night, and somehow those two things don’t conflict with one another. But when Huggy Bear wears a beautiful get-up like this, with a yellow rose boutonniere… well, we just forget ourselves.

Who is getting drunk and laid in Morgantown tonight? THIS GUY.