Sometimes, life hands you a perfect picture - so we won’t let our words get in the way of this work of beauty by this rudimentary-but-effect

ive MSU student last month:

We love just about everything about this picture - the shit-eating smirk on the face of the guy holding it, the dumb-as-nails look on the face of the goon to his left, the fact that every other student seems to be drinking Mountain Dew. (Of course, that is the definitive indicator of a cow college - find the institution with the highest rate of Mountain Dew consumption, and you, sir, have found your state’s land grant institution. These are the facts.)

Of course, the sign is factually right. 2 Girls 1 Cup (no, we won’t link that, because we’re not crazy) at least starts with the promise of hot lesbian action. The Beilein era started with no such pizazz, and as its inaugural season comes to a close tomorrow night (presumably), their coach simply has to be wondering if he made the wrong move by leaving the relatively friendly confines of Morgantown for Ann Arbor. For now, Coach, let us humbly suggest that you NOT use Google to find out what that sign meant.

(Massive HT for brightening up our otherwise shitty-shitty-no-good week: Tom.)

THE GAME EVERYONE TALKED ABOUT (SORT OF)

Slim Pickin’s Today
#14 Butler 70, Cleveland State 55

The fact that this game gets top billing is all the evidence you need that last night was not a great night for college basketball, as all the major conferences sat on the sidelines for a second straight night before their tournaments begin. Ain’t no party like a Horizon League party … we guess.

Really, we have no material to work with here. In true Midwestern form, Butler is talented, well-coached, and totally non-descript. They play in Indianapolis. Their mascot is the Bulldog. Their white boys still think breakdancing makes them cool. Their leading scorer’s name is Mike Green, for God’s sake. Just nothing to work with. So that means that, against the wishes of our Ohio-bound family, we are forced to make a Cleveland joke.

Burn on, Big River.

THE GAME YOU SHOULD HAVE WATCHED INSTEAD

No game here, but rather the heartening news that Coach Wooden is out of the hospital and into a rehab facility. Of course, Coach Wooden is old and we know he won’t be around forever. But his presence at the Pauley Pavilion is one of the truly great things in sports - the founder of a monarchy benevolently looking down upon the kingdom that he built without feeling the need to retain authority over it. And if finally kicking that crystal meth habit will keep him coming a little longer, then we say keep comin’ back, Coach Wooden - better later than never.

FOUR TOURNAMENTS WORTH ONE LINE APIECE

Big West - Lumberjacks and Vikings chop down squads from Idaho; clean cut Mormon crews overpowered by neck beards, body odor, and lust for pillaging.

MEAC - When pillar institutions like Howard and Bethune-Cookman struggle at the national black pasttime, what does it mean for the future cultural relevancy of HBCUs?

Summit - Get ready for more blowjob jokes!

Sun Belt - A WKU tournament crown can only mean one thing - more Big Red.

Tux’d up and ready for all ‘dem hos.