THE GAME EVERYONE TALKED ABOUT (SORT OF)

Slim Pickin’s Today
#14 Butler 70, Cleveland State 55

The fact that this game gets top billing is all the evidence you need that last night was not a great night for college basketball, as all the major conferences sat on the sidelines for a second straight night before their tournaments begin. Ain’t no party like a Horizon League party … we guess.

Really, we have no material to work with here. In true Midwestern form, Butler is talented, well-coached, and totally non-descript. They play in Indianapolis. Their mascot is the Bulldog. Their white boys still think breakdancing makes them cool. Their leading scorer’s name is Mike Green, for God’s sake. Just nothing to work with. So that means that, against the wishes of our Ohio-bound family, we are forced to make a Cleveland joke.

Burn on, Big River.

THE GAME YOU SHOULD HAVE WATCHED INSTEAD

No game here, but rather the heartening news that Coach Wooden is out of the hospital and into a rehab facility. Of course, Coach Wooden is old and we know he won’t be around forever. But his presence at the Pauley Pavilion is one of the truly great things in sports - the founder of a monarchy benevolently looking down upon the kingdom that he built without feeling the need to retain authority over it. And if finally kicking that crystal meth habit will keep him coming a little longer, then we say keep comin’ back, Coach Wooden - better later than never.

FOUR TOURNAMENTS WORTH ONE LINE APIECE

Big West - Lumberjacks and Vikings chop down squads from Idaho; clean cut Mormon crews overpowered by neck beards, body odor, and lust for pillaging.

MEAC - When pillar institutions like Howard and Bethune-Cookman struggle at the national black pasttime, what does it mean for the future cultural relevancy of HBCUs?

Summit - Get ready for more blowjob jokes!

Sun Belt - A WKU tournament crown can only mean one thing - more Big Red.

Tux’d up and ready for all ‘dem hos.