THE GAME EVERYONE TALKED ABOUT (SORT OF)

Enjoy the Enjoyment!
Villanova 82, Syracuse 63

[dusts off Hoyas hat from senior year]

YEEEAAAAHHHHH!!! What you got, Boeheim? Huh? You got nothing. Two straight years, you little mediawhore, you’re on the outside looking in. How’s the losing feel, Mr. Carmelo’s-Coattails? Does it feel bad? Does it hurt? Good. Get the hell out of here, and take your fruity little team with you.

[takes off homer hat]

Seriously though, Jim Boeheim is a prick and a half. (We’re counting Coaches vs. Cancer when we say that – he was a full-on triple prick before that.) People forget this because he laughs and smiles with the PTI guys, but before Carmelo Anthony, he was famous for throwing his players under the bus and choking in big games. Oh, and NCAA violations. We see no reason why a down-year, mercenary-led championship should change this assessment of Boeheim, especially given his moronic advocacy for an expanded NCAA tournament to accommodate his mediocre teams. Every time his team under-performs, we smile, and imagine him kicking a puppy. (Homer hate still clearly on.)

So … um, yeah, nice win Villanova. But don’t be too good, ya here?

THE GAMES YOU SHOULD HAVE WATCHED INSTEAD

We Can’t Count, but We Can Ball
The Entire Atlantic 10 14 Opening Round

There was absolutely nothing you could refuse to love about this day of games. First of all, they are playing the tournament in Atlantic City, which is like the Pac-10 deciding to host its conference championship game (if they were eligible to have one) in Las Vegas. We hope these players are sending thank you notes to Eliot Spitzer, whose own hooker-fueled mess is likely keeping them out of the Tri-State headlines.

Just like Client-9.

Even on the court, the first day of A-10 action kicked ass. Rhode Island’s two-month tumble from mid-major darling to disappointment was completed at the hands of Charlotte, who is just good enough to scare the shit out of UMass tomorrow. St. Joe’s got out to a huge early lead against Fordham to advance to face Richmond and keep their tournament hopes alive. Saint Louis (suddenly playing halfway decent basketball, albeit too late to matter) pushed Dayton to overtime; the Flyers win sets up what will easily be the best #1 v. #8 matchup in tournament season. And if you aren’t excited for LaSalle versus Temple … ok, maybe we need to sleep. But still – really good day for A-10 ball.

JUST TO APPEASE THE “EAST COAST BIAS TRUTHERS” …

Analogy Time!
Arizona 87, Oregon State 56

How do we put this gently … hmm … OK, SAT time:

Oregon State:basketball::

(a) Arizona:football.
(b) Corvallis:college towns.
(c) Five Guys:healthy.
(d) Joey Lawrence:quality actors.
(e) All of the above.

If you said (e), you are easily fooled and lazy. Please keep reading our site, it’s just for you! If you said (a), you are correct – while the others are all opposites, only (a) accurately captures the flailing, useless nature of Beaver basketball in the comparison. If, however, you said (d) – come over to watch Blossom reruns anytime, and we will prove you wrong.

In my opinionation, ‘Zona ain’t got nothing yet. Whoa!

We Come From the Land of Roses and Hippies …
Portland State 67, Northern Arizona 51

Not much to say, because the first time we’ll see either of these teams play will be when Portland State loses in the first round of the tournament. But it’s the Vikings first trip, so for that, we applaud them.

FOUR TOURNAMENTS WORTH ONE LINE APIECE

C-USA: Join the fight – C-USA is nothing more than a John Calipari coached team and eleven sacks of jerseys that perform crapfests like this.

Mid-American: This is for you, Chuck – despite the loss of head coach Charlie Coles (who we wish a speedy recover), the RedHawks staved off a feisty Buffalo team to advance.

Northeast: If the bracket committee loves us, they’ll pair Mount St. Mary’s with Oral Roberts as a potential second-round matchup.

WAC: Wyoming men sent home to contemplate off season … [insert Brokeback joke here].