Motor City Dust Bowl Basketball!

THE GAME EVERYONE NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT

Tulsa is Champion! Something!
Tulsa 73, Bradley 68

Conference USA fans, we owe you a distinct apology. We’ve bashed your conference from the moment we started writing for this here blog. But now, it appears that was all in haste, for CUSA’s own Tulsa Golden Hurricane (do not confuse with Broken Arrow Golden Shower) has clinched a championship by beating the Bradley Braves last night!

[receives a note from off stage left - pauses, and clears throat]

Excuse us - we heard “One Shining Moment” and thought there people were playing in a tournament that actually mattered. Instead, Tulsa continues to play in the College Basketball Invitational, a tournament known only to us, its owners, the fans of the home team, and creepy message board trollers in Rolla, Missouri. And further, their win clinches nothing, since CBI uses a three-game series to crown its champion. Sorry for the confusion. CUSA, go back in a corner and think about what you’ve done - trying to fool us like that. Makes us want to call in that golden shower for you.

OTHER HEADLINES, SINCE NO OTHER BALL IS BEING PLAYED

Bruce Pearl May Want to Cool His Jets
IU Likely Down to Six Players on Scholly

Whatever the reason, we find ourselves sadly enjoying the slow descent of Indiana basketball into the sandpit in the wake of Sampsongate. Interim (and almost certainly not likely to be permanent) coach Dan Dakich reportedly dismissed two starters from the team for failing to show up for scheduled meetings. We respect the right of any coach to administer his team as he sees fit, but this seems low out of an temporary coach who won’t have to live with the consequences of his choices.

With the dismissals, graduations, NBA departures for stars Eric Gordon and D.J. White, and the University’s release of all recruits from their LOIs, the Hoosiers are likely down to six scholarship players for next year. And by “six scholarship players”, we mean “Jordan Crawford and a bag of balls”. So Bruce Pearl may want to rethink that whole “use the IU job as a negotiating tool” plan. But we like this video all the same.

Eh, Long-Range Whiteys Are a Dime a Dozen
King to Transfer From Duke

Duke freshman Taylor King announced via the school his intent to transfer after the academic year is complete. King played but never starred for the Devils, and due to his limited skill set (being tall, shooting threes) and big liabilities (can’t rebound, can’t defend quicker players), he was unlikely to ever crack Duke’s starting lineup.

No official reason for the transfer, but even money says King, a smart kid, saw the writing on the wall and wants to go where he can play. (Same thing happened with Josh McRoberts last year, who opted for the D-League over getting benched in favor of Kyle Singler. That’s our story, and we’re sticking to it. Lalalalala we can’t hear you lalalalala …)

FWIW, our people in Durham also report that King, a West Coaster, didn’t really love Durham. We do, but we’re sick in the head. (Who WOULDN’T love nasty commutes, high violent crime rates, gentrification, a single-employer economy and de facto segregation? We love it so much, we’re moving to D.C.) In other words, Taylor, we understand the move. Good luck and godspeed.