In a Chapel Hill apartment house, around 3am…

Psycho T: [on the phone] I don’t know what to do, Dad. Do I go pro? Do I stay here?

[chewing noises]

Gene Hansbrough: Andrew Tyler, are you eating a got-damn puppy again?

Psycho T: …..yes.

Papa H: Put that shit down. It’s not good for you, especially at this hour.

Psycho T: But it’s the only thing I can eat when I’m upset like this!

Papa H: That’s just pathetic. You think that if you go to the NBA, teams are just gonna put a puppy mill next to your house like they did in Chapel Hill?

Psycho T: [thinks for a long second] Yes?

Papa H: Shit, you’re probably right. Ah hell, I don’t know what you should do either.

Psycho T: Well, Bobby and I do already have a place here for next year. I’d hate to bitch out on rent.

Papa H: I’m pretty sure you can afford to pay rent for one room in a house in Chapel Hill on an NBA salary, son.

Psycho T: Oh. Right.

Papa H: Lot of things you could do with that money, bud. But it’s not like you have to take the money, son. I ain’t looking to retire any time soon.

Psycho T: I know, Dad, and I really appreciate that.

Papa H: Besides, there’s still a lot left to do in college, bud! Have you got any school records yet? You know I still have one from my day back at ol’ Mizzou! Boy, I’ll betcha them boys wish they could beat ol’ Gene, even today!

Psycho T: Um … yeah, Dad … [mumbles] been broken a couple of times, but whatever …

Papa H: Yup – still got it.

Psycho T: Dad, I have a couple of school records already. I mean, I could get the all-time scoring record in a couple of games, but still … I think I would mostly go back to win a championship.

Papa H: Well, that’s fair. Nothing like winning a title.

Psycho T: But, as badly as I want to win a championship – I guess I want to prove myself at the next level, take on the next challenge, you know? Everyone keeps saying that I’m too small, or that I’ve maximized my potential in college. I mean, what do I have to prove? I’m tough!

I can be the friendly face of a franchise!

I’ve got lots of marketing potential!

What else do they need from me?

Papa H: You can’t worry about what experts say, son. All you have to worry about is working hard, and listening to Jesus when he talks to you.

Psycho T: I know, I know. I just can’t decide. I wish there was some way to know whether it was better to stay for another year or try things out at the next level.

[call waiting clicks]

Who could that be at this time of night? Hang on a second, Dad.

[clicks over]

Hello?

Ben Hansbrough: WOOOOT BROTHA!!!!!!!

Psycho T: Ben, what the hell? Shouldn’t you be asleep, man?

Psycho B: HELL NO!!! I’MZ PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH MY NEW TEAMMATES. AIN’T NOBODY IN STARKVILLE THAT DRINKS LIKE THESE IRISH MOTHERF***ERS. WOOOOOOOOOOOT!

Psycho T: I might take that back if I were you, Ben. SEC fans are still pretty upset with you, and making fun of their drinking ability is hardly the …

Psycho B: TO HELL WITH THAT! NOW THAT I GOTTA SIT OUT A YEAR, ALL I GOTTA DO IS BE HERE, HANG OUT, AND PART-AY! WOOOOOOOT!

Psycho T: [thinks about this for a minute] Ben, drink a glass of water and go to bed, I gotta talk to Dad.

Psycho B: LATER, LOSER. HEY Y’ALL, SET ‘EM UP AGAIN …

[clicks back over]

Psycho T: Dad?

Papa H: Yeah?

Psycho T: I think I’m gonna stick around for another year.

Papa H: I think that’s a smart move, son, I really do. Good on you.

Psycho T: Thanks, Dad.

Papa H: But son?

Psycho T: Yeah?

Papa H: Put the puppy carcass in the trash before you fall asleep. Don’t leave it all over the couch like last time. Not very nice to Bobby.

Psycho T: Thanks, Dad. I think I’m gonna go out to celebrate.