35S: Uplifting and Informative.

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
And Sometimes You Get Lucky

After yesterday’s legal-heavy day, we thought we would take the roundup into the weekend with the happier stories from this week. Odd though it may be, the happiest story broke last night, as incoming Louisville center Clarence Holloway found out he would never suit up for the Cardinals.

UK fans likely would this was good news on its face – hardy har har Rick Pitino sux har har – but in this case, Holloway’s basketball career was brought to an end by a series of medical problems, including a leak in his aortic valve and a rare muscle condition known as Marfan Syndrome:

“God works in mysterious ways,” said U of L Coach Rick Pitino. “Clarence developed a stress fracture his senior year [of high school], which kept him sidelined and probably saved his life. Detecting his heart condition and the subsequent surgery when he arrived at U of L was also a life-saving measure. Now, after this special testing, we know that the condition he has will make him unable to play basketball for the rest of his life. He will now begin a new journey, which will hopefully lead him to gaining a very strong education here at U of L and to prosper in a different walk of life. We’re behind him 100 percent.”

(HT: Fanhouse.) Obviously rough news for young Clarence, but obviously good news that they caught both conditions early so treatment and monitoring can begin before something terrible happens. Good on you, Mr. Holloway, and best wishes as you begin a non-basketball life.

And now, some requisite rock to get pumped for the remainder of the roundup.

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School: North Carolina, Junior.

Basketball Position: Sixth Man.

Life Position: Little Man Syndrome.

Vitals: 6′6, 210lb., 140lbs of which is ego.

2007-2008 Statistics: 11.5 PPG, 4.9 RPG, 1.2 BPG and SPG, as many assists as turnovers. Accounted for about 10% of the Tar Heels’ offensive and defensive statistics and 95% of their pre-game dancing.

Pros: Textbook sixth man. Could defend any college player. Reliable energy spark off the bench. Not afraid to drive the lane. Pretty good behind the arc (37.3%) and at the stripe (87.3%). Fan favorite for many things, mostly for posterizing Greg Paulus. (You’ll need to click through. We’re not posting that picture. No way, no how.

Cons: Textbook ‘tweener. Unclear whether he can defend any NBA player. Never started, and no one thought he should have. Will get destroyed if he drives the NBA lane against bigger defenders. Can’t create his own shot. May request leave from team to audition for So You Think You Can Dance.

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Ride on, Man of La Mancha.

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
Windmill Tilting Never Goes Out of Style

‘Round these parts, we appreciate anyone willing to take on the impossible opponent – the higher seed when it is loser-go-home, the 7′2″ center when the ball comes off the glass, or our mother-in-law when it’s time to leave for any event. (We kid, MM.) In the sports world, there are two great mountains that cannot be challenged – the NCAA, and Ticketmaster, both relying on the other to extort the greatest rents out of you, humble fan.

Which is why it’s all the more impressive that a group of fans, led by Tom George of Arizona, is taking on both dragons in the same lawsuit, claiming that the NCAA and Ticketmaster are illegally operating a gambling operation (!!) through their lottery ticket distribution system.

“Defendants’ scheme requires Plantiff and putative class members to purchase one or more entries for the chance to win the right to purchase tickets to a particular tournament game(s). This scheme satisfies all three elements of a lottery: (1) a prize, (2) an element of chance, and (3) consideration for the chance to win the prize. The consideration is the entry fee and the free use of applicants’ capital, and the prize is the right to purchase game tickets at face value. An element of chance exists because the winning entries are chosen by an (allegedly) random drawing, and not all entries can win,” the lawsuit states.

Full complaint, filed in the U.S. District Court for the Central District of California, available here. We would comment more thoroughly on the merits of the action, but our bar review course hasn’t gotten to any of the relevant substantive topics yet. All we can say now is that the suit was filed properly in this particular court. It’s going to be a long summer.

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Why thank you. I think the gray goatee makes me look classy as well.

No, no, no … you are too kind. Thank you for the invitation to join you at your fine institution. A fine institution, I say, because you seem like a person of honor, and as another person of honor, I take you at your word that it is such an institution. That is fine. Champagne?

I’m also pleased to see that you were able to see past the untruths that others told you about me. Poppycock, I tell you – the allegations, the pointed fingers, the name-calling, the claims that I would have my way with you then cast you aside like a sweat-stained ascot – all poppycock and tomfoolery. I can tell the depth of your [pause, with a glance down and back up] personality that you were able to see past all of that. My, you finished that quickly.

Did you know Boca Raton means “The Mouth of the Thief”? I just learned that. It’s Spanish, you know. Please, help yourself – the bottle won’t finish itself, and there is plenty more. Plenty, I assure you.

I want to think about our future together. You know I’m not like those other guys. My commitment to you is like your grandfather – it started long before I even knew you. Can you believe that? I lived here for three years before I even knew you were here as well. And now, I hope we can share something very deep, very real, forever. [adjusts tie, while winking at Alabama, Georgia, and Florida State at the same time as they all ogle him from the bar]

That’s right … drink it down.

Big East knows not to talk back.

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Big Thursday Has a Ring to It. Sure.

Mid-majors status is something akin to owning a bakery in Little Italy circa 1935. Maybe you want to stay in your small shop, bake your panettone, earn a humble but honest living. But when La Cosa Nostra comes calling, asking for just a small favor here and there that they promise will lead to greater riches for everyone, you accept. You know it means you no longer control your shop, your destiny, your dreams. At first, you try to push back a little, but in the end you accept it for what it is. You lie to yourself, say it is for the children. And so life goes on, your community profile larger but more gray, and your sleep much more short.

Whoa, sorry – got caught up in a metaphor there. Long way of saying – when tWWL yells “Jump!”, mid-majors answer, and we whistle because we consumers don’t care about making the sausage so long as we get 10 games a week.

Case in point: the West Coast Conference (a favorite around these parts) got added onto tWWL’s Big Monday package three years ago in a deal that pretty much worked for no one but the Mouse. Well, the WCC tried to fight back a little – saying that the late Monday start times were bad for fans and players alike in a refreshing bit of truth – and they got Bristol’s attention. So much so that tWWL is now considering moving its contracted WCC games to Thursday nights in the same time slot.

Let’s review: no gain for fans – since Thursdays are only better than Mondays for single 25 year olds with jobs that don’t require thought five days a week; no gain for players – ditto; no gain for schools – ad revenue dips on a much lower profile night, where they will fight against more football early in November / December and more pro hoops in January / February. Meanwhile, La Cosa Nostra gets what it wants – a freed up Monday schedule ready to snatch up the Pac-10, a conference more willing to screw its fans, when its contract with FSN expires.

Don’t lie to yourself, WCC. Don’t say you didn’t know this is what it was. You knew their business when went into this thing.

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The weekend digest will be up later this afternoon – it was one hell of a weekend – but having missed out on giving proper respects on Memorial Day, we wanted to throw up a quick post in honor of the troops whose hard work and sacrifice allow us to eat Doritos, play Rock Band, and drink Purple Drank. (America – fuck yeah.)

For serious, however, and because we always search for the nexus to college hoops before throwing up a post unless it involves mustache fury, we present you with Sam Tolbert, the 6′7″ seaman and star of the All-Navy basketball team:

Tolbert joined the Navy for the same reason as many a young man – he wasn’t ready for college and wanted to grow up. Also, that David Robinson feller made him think Navy + basketball != fail. Now, he hopes to follow the footsteps of another All-Star big man by attending an HBCU in the Commonwealth to keep playing and finish his education when his deployment is done.

We’ll be looking for Seaman Tolbert in a Trojan uniform in the coming CIAA seasons while humming Anchors Aweigh. A tip of the cap and best wishes to him and all servicemen, not just on Memorial Day, but every day.

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
Mayo Madness Continues

Because the chum bucket isn’t empty yet, the newsreel continues to focus squarely on Messr. Mayo and his handler / hanger-on / sugar daddy Messr. Guillary. With tWWL having presented the case in chief for the prosecution, we now prepare to hear the arguments of the defense. University of Southern California, your witness:

USC intends to tell the NCAA it knew of no wrongdoing involving O.J. Mayo and banned his mentor, Rodney Guillory, from receiving tickets as an illustration of its attempt to prevent the basketball star from receiving any improper benefits, according to sources. That will be the outline of the university’s defense, according to officials familiar with the situation.

[starts a slow clap] Brilliant, gentleman! The prosecution may have PROOF on its side, and they may be able to poke many holes in this argument, but we shall stun them with our brilliant rhetoric and good faith. Huzzah!

But really, though – this is an incredibly lame defense, and if it is the best that USC can come up with, than this quote makes a lot more sense:

“Right now, we’re just trying to weather the storm,” said a USC official, who asked not to be identified.

And we’re like, yeah, no shit.

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Not to go all LiveJournal on you fine people, but it’s a hectic week for us here at 35S headquarters, as we adjust our life clock from “lazy country-dwellin’ bachelor law student” to “slavishly studious urban married bar examinee”. And we mean adjusting our life clock quite literally – we were used to having no responsibilities before 1pm at the earliest, and now we actually need to … ya know … work. With wifey looking over our shoulder to boot, making sure we don’t slack off, which leads to epic fail, which leads to her to seeking annulment before the ink dries on the certificate.

This is all a very long way of saying that we need a day to adjust to getting up at 6am to write the morning roundup. So, no roundup today. Sorry.

Kelvin Sampson: OK … can’t live off this settlement payment forever, what with the lawyer bills and all … gotta get on the call list for the day!

[dials]

Will somebody get that damn phone??? Aww, come on, blue! A little help!

Mike D’Antoni: Hello?

KS: Hey Mike – how you doing? You hanging in there? I know it was hard getting fired by the Suns.

MD’A: Um, hey Kelvin. And I wasn’t fired, I …

KS: Good, good. Listen – I hear you are in New York now. You know, I know New York pretty well – ate at Casella’s on E. 98th Street a couple of times on recruiting trips. I could be a great head coach in that city.

MD’A: Kelvin, I’m the head coach here. They don’t need another one.

KS: No, it’s OK. We could work together – I’m a great coach, really, Mike. You can do all the compliance stuff, and I can do all the recruiting …

MD’A: Kelvin, it’s the NBA. We don’t need recruiters, and I don’t need another head coach.

KS: What about watches? You need any watches?

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