Absolute badass.

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
Excuses, Explanations, and Honest-to-God Reasons

When Tennessee’s Chris Lofton struggled early this season even against cupcake opponents, some wondered what was holding the 2006-2007 SEC Player of the Year back. At the time, UT’s head trainer Chad Newman said, “These people that are questioning Chris are going to feel pretty stupid when they find out what’s wrong with him.”

Yes, yes we do – turns out that Lofton was catching up physically after fighting cancer in the offseason:

“When I first heard that word, ‘cancer,’ I thought I was going to die,” said Lofton, whose cancer was detected through an NCAA-mandated random drug test following the Vols’ 121-86 victory over Long Beach State on March 16, 2007.

The results of the drug test were positive; UT officials were informed that if Lofton wasn’t using drugs, the positive result could be a sign of cancer.

More tests followed, and Lofton underwent surgery on March 28 to have the cancer removed. Four weeks of radiation treatment followed, from late April into May.

We’ll admit that our first reaction was shock at Lofton chose to (and succeeded in) keeping this under wraps the whole season – especially with noted media whore Bruce Pearl as a coach. But apparently, Pearl was the only one, besides trainer Newman, who was in on the secret in Knoxville.

“When people are first diagnosed with cancer, sometimes the first thought is to tell everyone close to you, so you can feel all the support and be surrounded with the love you need to battle cancer,” said Pearl.

“But Chris didn’t want anyone worrying about it or our fans using it as an excuse for him.”

Lofton said he appreciates his school and the media for respecting his privacy.

And we respect you for fighting the good fight, Chris Lofton. Best wishes going forward on staying cancer-free.

We now return to our regularly scheduled dick jokes.

TWO STORIES THAT INTERESTED US FOR NO GOOD REASON
UConn Ho! (In More Ways Than One)

On the whole, UConn had a good week. National Defensive Player of the Year Hasheem Thabeet decided to stick around Storrs for at least another year. Thabeet’s decision, oddly, helped them convince four-star recruit Ater Majok to choose UConn over Kentucky.

But then, as reported by The Dagger, rising senior Craig Austrie had to throw this little monkey wrench into the equation:

One can only imagine what Austrie wants the money for. Hookers? Blow? A ticket to anywhere in the world that’s not Connecticut? (Even Rhode Island looks good by comparison!*) But if Jim Calhoun needs help spinning this, we think the argument is clear: given his slim pro prospects, this is Austrie’s audition for a development job at UConn’s Athletic Department after graduation. How better to show your employability than to demonstrate a shameless willingness to beg fans for money based on nothing but assumed allegiance to da U?

* – not true.

When They Said “Crean and Crimson”, They Didn’t Mean Blood – Right?

Tom Crean at Marquette: mild-mannered, Diet Pepsi-loving coach of a lovable small school in a big conference. Tom Crean at Indiana: constantly surrounded by violence. After the bar incident back in Milwaukee reported earlier this week, Crean himself had to call the cops yesterday after freshman Eli Horman went batshit in his office.

Horman had come to tell Crean that he intended to transfer – a hit to Indiana’s APR that may leave the Hoosiers down two scholarships, including their self-imposed sanction in the wake of Sampsongate. We’re not saying that Crean had anything to do with Horman’s breakdown … but let’s just say that if word came out that Crean belittled Horman’s manhood for leaving Bloomington, then begged to join him, then belittled him again … we wouldn’t be surprised.

With last year’s starting five presumptively going, Crean is going to need all his recruiting mojo to field a palatable team this year and next. And we think we know what his meetings with assistants look like right now: