Sans Annie Liebowitz.

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
Recruiting - Even More Strangers with Candy-esque

Late last week, Michael Avery, a guard from Encino, CA, committed to play for Billy Gillespie at Kentucky. A good late-signing season get for the Wildcats? We’ll know when Avery starts playing college ball … in 2012. Sure, he doesn’t know where he is going to high school, or how to drive, or where (or what) the clitoris is, but dammit all, he is proud to be a Wildcat!

Every child has to take a step towards adulthood at some point, and perhaps Avery truly is ahead of peers in this regard. In that case, he’s doing a nice job of following Miley Cyrus’ lead - build up expectations amongst a fan base, then bring them crashing to the ground when you act like the budding adult that you are. We’ll see if the analogy holds when he backs out of his verbal in three years and goes to UCLA.

TWO STORIES THAT INTERESTED US FOR NO GOOD REASON
Character Problems + Fuzzy Math = Profit?

We searched for “addition by subtraction” images, hoping others had better luck than us visualizing the concept. Dane Cook was the closest we could get, though we admit that without the all-important knife through the torso, leaving a vastly improved romantic comedy or HBO special in its wake, it’s not quite apropos. (Though we roundly enjoy Cook’s evil twin on Heroes.)

Douchy sign of the apocalypse? Sexually immature? Why not both?

Anyway - we adopt the corpse of Dane Cook as a lede in the wake of a flurry of player exits from top programs over the weekend. In Knoxville, only a day after the announcement of Chris Lofton’s badassery, Bruce Pearl kicked Duke Crews and Ramar Smith off the team for hitting the college exacta: substance abuse and academic shortcoming. (HT: Fanhouse.)Duke Crews? We know we get into the judging-by-name schtick quite often around these parts, but anyone named Duke Crews should be feared. Unless they are manning a coxswain’s seat in a reservoir north of Durham, in which case they should be mocked.

In earnest, though, the players should just be happy they weren’t euthanized on the track like Eight Belles. (What, too soon?) But for a school so famous for off-field junk their punter got a DUI, the move is likely net-positive.

Plus, Bruce Pearl has nothing to complain about compared to the sitch-ee-a-shun Tom Crean has got himself into. Adding up all of the departures from the Hoosiers this offseason - and the list is substantial - Crean’s first Indiana team will be comprised of only three scholarship players, four freshmen, and three walk-ons. (Presumably he’ll add a few more to the last two categories to round out the roster, but you get the point.)

In basketball crazy Indiana, such a paltry pantry … forgive us, it’s early … would surely bring some serious criticism down on Crean from the state’s lead columnist, right?

New Indiana basketball coach Tom Crean not only did the popular thing, he did the right thing.

On the court, IU basketball is worse off, far worse off. … But in the hearts and minds of Hoosiers who’ve grown up loving what the program stands for, IU basketball is better than it has been in quite some time.

Wait, a coach essentially admits he’s writing off an entire season to clean house, and he gets not only a pass but praise on top? We don’t understand this confusing world you operate in, Bob Kravitz, but clearly there is something in the water in Indiana. (See: Weis, Charlie; 3-9 record.) Where we come from, the expectation is to produce and to kill at all times, excuses be damned. This sometimes leads to questionable results.