Mess with the bull …

We have a certain friend – we’re guessing many of our readers know someone similar – who is just a f***in’ moron with women. He misses signals from interested women. He goes after the wrong type and drowns in flames. When he does land a girl, she is insufferable, and causes friction between him and his friends as he devotes himself to attending vegetarian cookoffs with her. By the time he comes to his senses, his buddies are pissed from five straight missed poker nights and a dozen unreturned phone calls, and he pretty much has to start from scratch in every aspect of his personal life.

We tell the tale of this friend because, after each crash and burn, we tell him, “Dude, maybe you should just be single and NOT looking for a while.” And we feel that someone needs to offer the same advice to Lute Olsen because … well, things aren’t going so hot out in Arizona:

Either way, the byproduct is this: A 73-year-old man (Olson) whose health has been questioned for years is coming off a leave of absence and trying to lead a program that is expected to lose its top two players (Jerryd Bayless and Chase Budinger) from a squad that just finished seventh in the Pac-10.

That’s a tall order, and that Olson will likely do it without a single returning assistant — while going through a publicly nasty divorce — should make it even taller, and if McDonald’s All-American Brandon Jennings doesn’t qualify (he still has some serious work to do, I’m told) then Wildcat basketball could be headed toward its worst season in many decades.

Lute, our advice – stay off the dating scene and spend that time reconnecting with your players and assistants. We’re told the young folk these days like to play video games. Maybe you could try that.

Re-defining “big” in Durham.

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
Hey, Wojo? Maybe You Should Sit This One Out.

Coach K’s recent recruiting failures with big men – see Patrick Patterson and Greg Monroe – have sparked a chicken-and-egg argument. Are the trees not interested because no Duke big man has succeeded at the next level, from Jay Bilas to Christian Laettner to Sheldon Williams with every Cherokee Parks in between? Or is it because the coaching triumvirate of Dawkins, Collins and Wojociechowski (most recently in charge of post players) had no idea how to coach bigs?

Consider the egg scrambled – in the wake of Dawkins’ departure for Palo Alto, Coach K hired former Blue Devil forward Nate James to fill his spot on the bench. What remains to be seen is if this will have any discernible impact, as James comes in with no coaching experience. In fact, this resume looked better suited for reality television:

After graduating from Duke and playing in the Carolinas Basketball League, James spent parts of five seasons playing in Bosnia, Brazil, France, Germany, Greece, Holland, Hungary, Italy, Japan, the Philippines, Poland and Russia.

While some might consider the career a world history tour, James didn’t exactly praise the vagabond experience. Instead, he talked about eating nothing but rice and noodles — with chopsticks only — in Japan for several months; playing in a freezing gym in Bosnia; and having to eat cow tongue in Russia.

So, future Blue Devil recruits, know what Duke can now offer. Even if your playing experience can’t get you in the NBA and your Duke degree can’t get you a job, Coach James can help you parlay your experiences in Durham into a spot on The Amazing Race.

TWO STORIES THAT INTERESTED US FOR NO GOOD REASON
Something is Afoot in the District

Player movements galore in our nation’s capital yesterday, as Karl Hobbs kicked two players off GW’s team. Role players, true, but two players nonetheless from a team that only managed nine wins last season. Which makes one wonder what “certain expectations” they failed to meet to warrant dismissal, since one could argue that Hobbs and all of his charges failed to meet the basic “certain expectation” of finishing higher than next-to-last in the A-10.

Meanwhile, further into the snooty part of the Northwest Quadrant, a second potential starter transfers away from the Hoyas. With the announced transfer of Doc Rivers’ kid, Georgetown will be down to four returning players with any significant playing time. Greg Monroe better be really, really good, or JTIII will need to bust out celebrity dance moves again.