No Christmas in Memphis this year.

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
When Looking East Mean Going West.
Our father’s favorite phrase in our youth? “Never let the facts get in the way of a good story.” Useful for a budding lawya, sure, but more useful still for rumor mongering in the off-season.

Late Wednesday, a local reporter in Memphis reported on his blog (journalists! blogs! mass hysteria!) that Memphis was in serious negotiations with the Big East to join the megaconference. (HT: Eamonn.) And it was a report! He had sources and confirmation and everything! Good story!

But with a big enough stage, the absence of facts becomes too glaring – and when the President of U of M and a spokesman for the Big East both deny any such negotiations (laughingly, no less) – well, we think that our friend Matt Stark will be working at MyFoxMemphis or its equivalent for a little while longer.

Don’t get us wrong – Memphis to the Big East makes sense. The Tigers would balance the football schedule, and since the conference is already too big for basketball, what’s another team if they actually bring quality with the quantity? And since the conference has already shown their indifference towards geographic common sense and academic prowess, Memphis’ two major weaknesses pose no problem!

Alas – not to be. Rumor on, fellow soldiers – but on this point, Memphis and its fans are reduced to early ’90s easy listening.

THREE OTHER STORIES WORTH ONE LINE APIECE

Dan Jock-Itch Lands Six Figures – Unfortunately not as a salary for the still-unemployed Dakich, but as a settlement from Indiana, which apparently has a larger “hush money” budget than any public institution we’re familiar with.

So Lute Won’t Be Completely Lonely – Arizona finally breaks down and hires an assistant coach, poaching Russ Pennell from rival Arizona State and tabbing Mike Dunlap of the Denver Nuggets as the new heir to the throne – since it worked out so well the last time Olson picked a guy with primarily NBA experience as his successor.

This is Why We Hate Ratings – Ratings are nasty things – they lead to shows like Friday Night Lights scraping for a spot on DirecTV, and they lead to smarmy articles declaring the return of American Gladiators to be epic fail. If you can’t get behind Jet, Crush, and Rocket Ball … we don’t know what to tell you. Perhaps you should be subjected to this hot tranny mass.