Kelvin Sampson: OK … can’t live off this settlement payment forever, what with the lawyer bills and all … gotta get on the call list for the day!

[dials]

Will somebody get that damn phone??? Aww, come on, blue! A little help!

Mike D’Antoni: Hello?

KS: Hey Mike - how you doing? You hanging in there? I know it was hard getting fired by the Suns.

MD’A: Um, hey Kelvin. And I wasn’t fired, I …

KS: Good, good. Listen - I hear you are in New York now. You know, I know New York pretty well - ate at Casella’s on E. 98th Street a couple of times on recruiting trips. I could be a great head coach in that city.

MD’A: Kelvin, I’m the head coach here. They don’t need another one.

KS: No, it’s OK. We could work together - I’m a great coach, really, Mike. You can do all the compliance stuff, and I can do all the recruiting …

MD’A: Kelvin, it’s the NBA. We don’t need recruiters, and I don’t need another head coach.

KS: What about watches? You need any watches?

MD’A: I’m hanging up now, Kelvin.

[click]

KS: That’s OK, Kell. Jobs don’t fall out of trees. Gotta keep trying … let’s send some texts!

[types like a 14-year-old girl after a Red Bull]
To: Mike Brown
From: Coach K

2 bad u lost to BOS. U shud watch ur bak. BronBron <3s me.

To: Paxson Brothers
From: Coach K

<3 u guys. Plz call soon. Wood <3 2 coach 4 u.

To: Clay Bennett
From: Coach K

Hear u r movin Sonics to OK. I no OK rly gd. Call me!

[Message comes up - MESSAGES REFUSED]

KS: Aww … why does nobody want to talk to me??? How low do I have to sink?

[phone rings]

IU President John Hammond: Hey, Kelvin - we heard you were desperate!

KS: [confused] Who is this?

JH: John Hammond, Milwaukee Bucks - we’d LOVE to have you come help out our club.

KS: Milwaukee? They still have a team?

JH: Yup! Got uniforms and everything! Plus, coaching here you get all the cheap domestic beer and bratwursts you can down! So, you interested?

KS: Ah, I’d have to think about it, John … I’ve got a lot of possibilities - the CBA, Europe, NAIA. Heck, if that Snyder guy can get a job in the D-League, Kelly can do anything!

JH: Well, sure, that’s fair. But can those other guys offer you all the recruiting calls you want with no risk?

KS: [thinks for a minute] You aren’t trying to fool ol’ Kelly, are you?

JH: NO! No one in the NBA would EVER be dishonest!

KS: Then you have yourself a deal!