The daily spin through the day’s top stories – got something we should cover? Email us at thirtyfiveseconds[at]yahoo[dot]com.
 

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
Mayo Madness Continues

Because the chum bucket isn’t empty yet, the newsreel continues to focus squarely on Messr. Mayo and his handler / hanger-on / sugar daddy Messr. Guillary. With tWWL having presented the case in chief for the prosecution, we now prepare to hear the arguments of the defense. University of Southern California, your witness:

USC intends to tell the NCAA it knew of no wrongdoing involving O.J. Mayo and banned his mentor, Rodney Guillory, from receiving tickets as an illustration of its attempt to prevent the basketball star from receiving any improper benefits, according to sources. That will be the outline of the university’s defense, according to officials familiar with the situation.

[starts a slow clap] Brilliant, gentleman! The prosecution may have PROOF on its side, and they may be able to poke many holes in this argument, but we shall stun them with our brilliant rhetoric and good faith. Huzzah!

But really, though – this is an incredibly lame defense, and if it is the best that USC can come up with, than this quote makes a lot more sense:

“Right now, we’re just trying to weather the storm,” said a USC official, who asked not to be identified.

And we’re like, yeah, no shit.

The Love Boat it ain’t. [Insert requisite UCLA joke here.]
 

FOUR STORIES WORTH ONE LINE APIECE

Hey, We Know They Aren’t Busy With the Economy or Foreign Policy – David Steele argues in The (Baltimore) Sun that Congress should fix college basketball, based on its stunning success with professional sports leagues, budget management, and ethical conduct.

We’d Say Less White Guys, But It’s Still the Patriot League – Dave Paulson, a two-time national Coach of the Year at Williams, makes the jump to D-I by taking over at Bucknell.

Speaking of White Guys … – Dave Leitao plans to take his Singletary-less Cavaliers on a barnstorming tour of Canada in September. Valuable game experience for a very green squad, or desperation recruiting? You choose.

Expanding Their Opportunities to Foist Applebee’s Jingles on Us All – CBS Sports announced yesterday they would no longer use third-party online advertising networks, instead managing their own online ad placements to expand placement opportunities for mainline advertisers. Just try to keep that “Shrimp Sensations” jingle out of your head. Just try.

We couldn’t do it, and our pain is your pain.