Well, dammit. I knew it would come to this. I’ll smile for the cameras and say a few nice things about you in just a second, but I’ll be damned if I’ll be happy about it.

Don’t think I don’t know about y’all plains riders. We hear about you down in Crawford. Yeah, you … with your tallness and your skills and your stuff. I’m talking to you, Danny. You and your new group of Miracles think you can get away with this, but I promise we will take you down Ranger style. I got all these guys in black suits to help me. Texas is gonna rain some pain down on you, brother!

What’s that? You beat Texas three times? Boool-shit. No, really?

Well, dammit, I don’t even know what to think anymore. If my boys down in Austin can’t take care of a few loopers from the North, I’m not sure I want to say in the world we live in.

Wait – is that a ball? BALL!!!! YAY!!!!!!!

Bouncy!

Alright – the ball was a nice touch. Y’all might be OK. Maybe we can work something out.

Wait – y’all are from Can-saw? Man, Johnny is gonna have my ass. I hope this doesn’t mean that Obama kid from Kansas is gonna win in November. He doesn’t play with y’all, does he? No? Ah, right, them Carolina kids. Right.

Y’all can stay – just don’t mess with the flowers. Laura gets upset with me. And don’t mess with Texas.

[/rides into sunset]

You’ll see. You’ll all see.

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
Caution: Genius Recruiting at Work

Little of the news coming out of Lexington this offseason has made a lick of sense. We’ve already done some serious noggin’ scratching when Billy Gillispie inked a kid who hasn’t even started high school yet, but ol’ Billy Clyde may have one upped himself with his latest switcheroo:

First, UK loses its third player to transfer in six months, as guard Derrick Jasper confirmed his intent to transfer to a school that will let him play closer to his natural homes on the West Coast and at the point. UK now has to hope that incoming frosh DeAndre Liggins can qualify academically – he’s only been trying all year – or they kinda sorta don’t have a point guard for next year.

But don’t you fret, brave UK fan – Billy Clyde has a diabolical plan. Didn’t get all the way from El Paso to bluegrass in less than four years without cyborg-level genius that goes way beyond your level. And that genius tells him to sign up a transfer who couldn’t crack the starting lineup in the MEAC:

[Matt] Pilgrim is currently in Lexington on a visit. He is a talent, but was suspended this past season and one source close to the situation said Pilgrim is a “cancer”. Pilgrim started less than half of the 26 games he played and saw his numbers fall to 7.7 points and 5.2 rebounds.

“He was the most talented player in the league,” one source said. “But he’s a giant head case. I’m shocked Kentucky would take him.”

Oh, Mr. Anonymous Badmouth, of course you are shocked. How could you possibly comprehend the brilliant machinations of Billy Clyde? When the revolution comes and UK is the last left standing because of his moves, it will be he that has the last laugh – but true genius never boasts, friends, and that is why Billy sits in his office alone, plotting his next move while applying more Brylcreem than the entire cast of West Side Story.

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