President Bush greeted the 2008 National Champion Kansas Jayhawks at the White House yesterday. His official remarks can be found here. The true transcript appears below.
 

Well, dammit. I knew it would come to this. I’ll smile for the cameras and say a few nice things about you in just a second, but I’ll be damned if I’ll be happy about it.

Don’t think I don’t know about y’all plains riders. We hear about you down in Crawford. Yeah, you … with your tallness and your skills and your stuff. I’m talking to you, Danny. You and your new group of Miracles think you can get away with this, but I promise we will take you down Ranger style. I got all these guys in black suits to help me. Texas is gonna rain some pain down on you, brother!

What’s that? You beat Texas three times? Boool-shit. No, really?

Well, dammit, I don’t even know what to think anymore. If my boys down in Austin can’t take care of a few loopers from the North, I’m not sure I want to say in the world we live in.

Wait – is that a ball? BALL!!!! YAY!!!!!!!

bush bouncy
Bouncy!
 

Alright – the ball was a nice touch. Y’all might be OK. Maybe we can work something out.

Wait – y’all are from Can-saw? Man, Johnny is gonna have my ass. I hope this doesn’t mean that Obama kid from Kansas is gonna win in November. He doesn’t play with y’all, does he? No? Ah, right, them Carolina kids. Right.

Y’all can stay – just don’t mess with the flowers. Laura gets upset with me. And don’t mess with Texas.

[/rides into sunset]