No, seriously, we feel terrible.

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
Fear Pity the Turtle

If you are looking for a ticket out of College Park, best book early - some very tall gentlemen are taking up all the good seats. If you trying to get into town, however, feel free to browse - all seats are free.

In the wake of the Tyree Evans saga and the transfer of Gus Gilchrist, wouldbe bench player Shane Walker finalized his transfer by announcing his move up the road to Loyola. If you are keeping score at home, that’s -1 outside shooter, -2 post players, and +3 open scholarships for Gary Williams.

But with the recruiting well for the coming season now dry and expected stud Sean Mosley struggling to qualify academically, the Terps may be down to nine scholarship players for next year. Williams’ options to fill out the roster: more land mine ju-co transfers, unsigned risks who can’t qualify academically or physically, or walk-ons. All are terrible choices for Williams; all are fantastic possibilities for those of us who love watching Maryland and Williams squirm.

The roster problems come on the heels of a rough stretch for the Terps … [snickers under his breath] … having missed the tournament three of the last four years . The program’s struggles seem strange, given that Maryland won the national championship only six years ago - which was so forever ago that Juan Dixon is now collecting Social Security.

But perhaps there is now a six year curse. Six years after winning 2000 title, Michigan State lost to lowly George Mason in the first round. 1999 champ UConn got upset in the 2nd round by NC State in 2005. As for 2001 champ Duke … ugh:

Four more headlines, including some moderately NSFW work, after the jump.

FOUR STORIES WORTH A FEW LINES APIECE

Speaking of Players Packing Their Bags - Over at Fanhouse, Charles pulls together the evidence pointing to some Saban-tastic recruiting and transfer moves by UConn’s Jim Calhoun. Encouraging players to leave to make room for recruits? Hooray! The players should feel lucky, as they get to leave Connecticut as part of the deal.

Because The Celtics Needs More Love Right Now - Former Crusader All-American (and Basketball HOFer) Bob Cousy was honored with a statue outside of Holy Cross’ basketball arena over the weekend. Not bad for a guy that once refused to report to the NBA franchise that drafted him because they wanted him to close a driving school in Worcester he owned.

Apparently, The NIT Isn’t Good Enough for Them - Madison Square Garden now wants in on the Big Dance, hoping to land the East Regional finals for 2012 or 2013. If this means we never have to see East Rutherford again, we’re all for it.

Players Just Thought Scouts Were Distracting Before - Imagine you are a typical college basketball player. You find out that an NBA team has sent a scout to watch you tonight. You find out this team is the Lakers. You’re already nervous, right? You’re searching for the scout in the stands … and you find her.

Yes, the Lakers have themselves a lady scout, who also happens to be the assistant GM of their D-League team and a former Laker girl. She readily admits she got the job as a favor … ahem … but that doesn’t invalidate her reports. So saddle up, son - she’ll be reporting back to her friends on you in the morning.

Cheerleader. Actress. Model. Controls your NBA future.