Where have we been?  Minding our own business, and you?  We’ll try to make sure it doesn’t become a habit.

THE STORIES MOST ARE TALKING ABOUT

Coach K won a medal (with players who openly accept money for play, how gauche), Tom Crean got money (and cried himself to sleep), San Antonio got money (from the Final Four) and STOP THE PRESSES THE NCAA IS ON THE CASE!  Fire up the sirens and ready a perp walk!  Someone put a body on Jerry Tarkanian!   The NCAA is considering cracking down on “package deals.” This has nothing to do with calendars of your school’s water polo team, nor with East German Olympians*, it’s about the not-the-end-of-the-world-but-more-than-a-little-icky practice of hiring a kid’s coach as an inducement to get him to sign with your school (something we’ve touched on nyeah).  Now that the NCAA is on the case, I’m sure ACC and Big 12 schools will continue this practice without feeling any heat, and eventually an HBCU or a school in the Northeast with “St.” in its name will be put on probation when a coach puts his son on the team.  We can also be sure that Bob Ley is going to be deeply disappointed in someone.

What’s so bad about welding?  URI got to take Lamar Odom, fer chrissake!

THE STORIES I CARE ABOUT

Lars got dooced (impact: meh, for everyone but fans who only like sweaty white guys, and the bartenders at The Virginian, for whom this is an unmitigated disaster).  Tunji’s back (impact: yay, now that Lars is gone).  Will’s going to tranfer (impact: dammit, I liked that guy).  Jeff Jones gets money (the former coach, not the guard; that would be a much bigger story).  Dave Leitao plays golf, which is disppointing.  Golf’s nice and all, but let’s not confuse it with something men do.

*For my next post: what’s the deal with airline food? and how WASP-y is Vice President Bush?

Today’s not-so-savory news comes to us courtesy of the case of The Drowsy Chaperone:

A year ago, the Toledo Rockets were thrust into the most unfortunate of spotlights, when former football player Scooter McDougle was implicated in a point-shaving scandal.

But, as everyone knows thanks to the Tarkanian years at UNLV, point-shaving is the preferred method of cheating on the hardwood, not the gridiron. Which made it practically no surprise at all when the U.S. Attorney’s continued investigation of point-shaving at U of T led them to former Rockets guard Sammy Villegas, who was formally charged in Detroit yesterday.

But the prosecutor’s bill of information seems to, well, get its information wrong. The feds claim that Villegas’ intentionally missed two free throws to fix a game against Central Michigan on February 4, 2006. But when Villegas missed those free throws, Toledo had already covered the published spread. So, unless there is something going on here that we don’t understand – and, since we don’t gamble on sports, we admit that the universe of shit we don’t know here is HUGE – we’re not quite sure how that game represents any kind of smoking gun against Villegas.

The bigger indictment against him (hardy har har legal wordz) might be the rapid decline in his play cited by The (Toledo) Blade – Villegas was the MAC Freshman of the Year in 2003, but his play deteriorated so quickly that his coach publicly wondered what happened (registration required for link).

We’ll let the U.S. Attorney do his own investigation, but … and we can’t be the only ones wondering this … doesn’t the federal prosecutor for Detroit, named only last year as the most vulnerable point of illegal entry into the U.S., have bigger fish to fry than a two-bit guard in a Mid-American Conference RICO scheme?

(HT: It’s MAC news, so you knew it had to be Chuck.)

Want to cut your teeth in the exciting field of college basketball? Yearn for less nightlife and more wildlife? The University of Alaska-Fairbanks* has an opportunity for you!

That’s right – for the low low price of civilization, you can start your career as an assistant basketball coach for our own UAF Nanooks! (It’s not racist, because we’re honoring the Inupiaq people, and besides, look at the cute bear!)

Now, we can hear you thinking – why does this job opening exist? Why would someone leave such a unique location? Well, you’ll be excited to know that our most recent assistant, after only ONE YEAR with our program, was able to parlay that experience into an opportunity to coach high schoolers sell insurance get the hell back to the Lower 48 move up the coaching ladder! Next year, that could be you!

But what awaits you in Alaska – besides fast-paced, high quality Division II basketball? Just look at the vibrant student life on our campus of nearly 10,000 students!

Porch sitting! (Note: hazardous anytime but August.)

Silly string fights!

Toothless shrooming!

And don’t forget our favorable female:male ratio!

Yes, all this an more awaits you at UAF – where careers can begin (and sometimes end in tragic ways)! Come for the basketball, stay for the seasonal effective disorder!

* – We should note that we’ve been to Fairbanks, and to UAF specifically, and they are both lovely if very, very cold. So, prospective coaches, fear not – but pack a parka or twenty.

Thanksgiving in Maui – perfect.

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
Key Preseason Tournaments Announce Matchups

If the NFL preseason has taught us anything – unlikely at best, but roll with us for a minute – it is that “meaning” does not guarantee priority viewing. Preseaon NFL games may be both meaningless and poor in quality, but they’re still more entertaining to watch than Game #120 in the MLB season. (And, jeez, we actually like baseball.)

But that dirty secret is a double-edged sword, and it cuts football harshly around Thanksgiving. As anyone who has suffered through watching the Lions with a belly full of tryptophan should admit, the best sports on television during the Week of the Bird has nothing to do with a pigskin. Nay, it is the exempt preseason college hoops tournaments – they of the meaningless games and odd locales – that take the cake. And the pie. And whatever other deliciousness is left in the Thanksgiving cornucopia of metaphor.

The WWL released the schedules for three of this season’s premier exempt tourneys, and each features a few can’t miss early season matchups:

In Maui – Trendy pick Notre Dame faces off against Tom Crean’s Indiana(ish) squad, but undisputed preseason #1 North Carolina leads the field and will face host Chaminade in their first game. Given the air of infallibility surrounding this UNC team, pardon us if we cheer for the Silverswords to … ya know, pull a Chaminade.

In Anaheim – In its second year, tWWL’s own tournament might be labeled the Up-and-Coming Classic. Wake Forest, coming off a Top 10 recruiting class, will face the defending Big West champs and hosts Cal State Fullerton. The winner takes on a field consisting of former bottom-dwellers like Baylor and Arizona State, punched up with solid mid-majors like Saint Mary’s and Charlotte.

In Orlando – Also owned by tWWL but with two years of history, the Old Spice Classic pulls in an impressive field of solid teams from last year with major question marks. Tennessee post-Chris Lofton? Georgetown post-Roy Hibbert? Siena trying to become the new Gonzaga? Gonzaga trying to do better than … ya know, Gonzaga? This is literally anyone’s tournament. All we know is that Neil Patrick Harris better be there.

Three more headlines, including a lot more travel for teams and coaches, after the jump

(more…)

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
Parrish: “I Don’t Really Love Sports Anymore”

If you’re anything like us, there was one great mystery left unsolved in CBS’ decision to let Billy Packer go out to pasture – how on earth were they going to hold onto the dour curmudgeon demographic? Sure, the 18-24 kids are the advertiser’s wet dream, but a network like CBS can’t ignore its base of tapioca slurpers, can it? Without Packer, where were these viewers going to get the “darn kids these days” coverage they crave?

We should have known the network brass were smarter than us. Just like their ad revenue, CBS is simply moving their crass, disinterested reporting online, in the form of Gary Parrish. From an Q&A with 35S favorite A Sea of Blue:

I mean, sitting courtside at this years [sic] national title game [as a life-long Memphis fan] should’ve been one of the highlights of my life. But it wasn’t. I was indifferent to the whole thing, and I don’t say that in an attempt to prove I’m impartial. It kinda makes me sad, actually, because the main reason I wanted to be a sports writer was because I loved sports, and I don’t really love sports anymore.

Bravo, CBS. Bra-f’in-vo. Somewhere in LA, Bill Simmons is mouthing “I told you so”. Gary, put on some Eddie Vedder and let the indifference set in.

Three more headlines, including some Grade A fan gouging, after the jump:

(more…)

The mood music for this week’s final post, courtesy of Violent Femmes:

Sure, this might be a month old, but if Gary Williams lives by “better late than never”, then so shall we. While most teams are finalizing their recruiting Class of 2009 and getting started on 2010, Williams is still scrambling to find 12 guys to suit up for this season. Seems like he could just walk the streets of Baltimore with a pack of Cluck-U Chicken certificates, but what do we know?

Speaking of additions to the ACC, Raleigh jock-talk host Joe Ovies looked at the five-year results of the ACC’s expansion to 12 teams. Basketball? Meh. Profit? ¡Sí! Thanks to new football revenue, the nine pre-existing members of the conference can’t hear your complaints about the drop in basketball quality, what from all the money they are bathing in.

In a much more sad development, Jamar Smith has been kicked off of the Illinois basketball team after violating his probation. Eamonn reported Smith’s off-court woes with proper due diligence, but we’ll chime in to say that Smith appears to have a problem of some variety – might be booze, might be mental, might just be a case of incredibly immaturity. Whatever it is, we hope he gets help.

Meanwhile, his departure leaves the Illini in rebuilding mode for another year. Somewhere at New York’s offices, a emo-banged gentleman is crying in his drink.

Gin-and-tonic, or pure tears? Also, we actually believe he wears a tux to work now.

Wondering if a zebra is on the take? Our friends at A Sea of Blue point out that, with so many off-court relationships between refs and teams, you might be right – and the NCAA might be a-OK with the relationship. Nico Bellic doesn’t see what the big deal is.

Finally, Matt Smith at Bleacher Report believes he has found the evil among us, and it is a 17-year-old at a prep school in North Carolina. John Wall, previously known to college football fans as Mitch Mustain, is the number 1 point guard in the Class of 2009 – which makes his decision to attend Baylor make oh-so-much sense. Oh, wait, they hired his AAU coach as the “director of player development”? Must have been a coincidence.

Have a great weekend, folks, good to be back.

Working for a Fortune 500 company can be a drag. Sure, once you get to the top level you get money, perks, and fame*. But until that point, work can be a drag. Go to the office, sit down in your cubicle, keep your head down and hope that the paychecks keep coming.

But then comes the day that every corporate worker bee hopes for – the day that the the CEO of the company reaches out to you personally to say that you are doing a great job not just as an employee, but as a parent. So impressed is he, in fact, that he hopes that your child will attend his alma mater – all the way across the country.

Wait, wait – sorry, doesn’t that happen to everyone? You could have fooled Oseye Gaddy, since the customer service rep for FedEx got just such a phone call earlier this week from company CEO David Bronczek.

We share Gaddy’s joy in the well-deserved praise, and we’re certain that Bronczek’s choice to reach out to her personally had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Gaddy’s son, Abdul Gaddy, is a highly sought-after point guard in the recruiting Class of 2009, and that one of his top pursuers is Memphis, which happens to be Bronczek’s favorite local team**.

But just to be sure, those boy scouts in Memphis reported the phone call to the NCAA just the same – seems that boosters calling recruits is kinda-sorta-maybe a NCAA rules violation. Bronczek claims he was unaware of the restriction, which just shows that he didn’t watch very much college football in the early 1980s.

Meanwhile, Oseye will keep living the work-a-day life with her head held high. When you know that if you live right, work hard, and happen to parent an athletically gifted young man who becomes the (only slightly creepy) fancy of older, richer men, everything will work out just fine.

For Bronczek and his Memphis colleagues, though, they might want to figure out other ways to push Gaddy towards the Tigers – seems that a certain contingent on the interwebs already has him headed for Tuscon. Because we know how well young point guards mix with Lute Olsen.

* – By fame, of course, we mean “the ability to walk around with your d*** out in the office and the country club locker room, even if no one on the street knows who you are”.

** – Did we say “favorite local team”? We meant “chosen recipient of over $500,000 in athletic donations from Bronczek, and likely much more”.