2. My-T-Sharp: In case the comment threads at Uni Watch have always been a bit much for you, Michigan and UCLA are both all-adidas schools. While Herr Dassler’s basketball shoes have been fail lately (patent leather shell-toes? really?) I think we can agree that if these two programs were OMG SWOOSH schools, we wouldn’t have been treated to this:
3b. Not Ew: Tennessee is not on basic cable enough for my liking. It’s hard to imagine how they could be. I may have developed a soft spot for these guys. Stay tuned.
4. A Broken Watch is Right Twice a Day: S.A. Smith is very, very right about Dave Robbins. Send him (Robbins, not Smith) to Springfield.
5. If You Don’t Go to U.Va., Please Please Please Go to a Major Media Market: Fairfax (CA, somehow) senior Renardo Sidney’s dad is, ahem, quotable: “They [MAH HOOS] understand the difference between a Big Mac and a Whopper with cheese . . . Big Macs are good for resumes, Whoppers with cheese bring home gold balls.” I love it. I just . . . I love it. Please please please be a Hoo. Someone in C’ville: find this kid’s dad a sinecure and some blogging software RIGHT GODDAMN NOW.
We know, we never post. But seriously, nothing is going on right now. It’s like exam week without the eligibility crises.
A STORY YOU MIGHT BE TALKING ABOUT: Oregon State Beaver fans: Help/Hope is on the way! this is a change you can believe in: Beavers coach Craig Robinson has landed what SI calls a “program-changing” recruit in Roberto Nelson. Nelson turned down UCLA, Florida, tOSU and others to go to Corvallis. How did Robinson land the kid? After piquing Nelson’s interest by signing a Compton Magic teammate, Robinson used what some might call an unfair tactic: he acted like a decent human being. Just speculating here, but Gary Williams is probably not impressed.
I’ve fired my assistants THIS MANY times since halftime!
OTHER THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED:
HE RECRUITS? ARP ARP ARP: Tommy Amaker has been cleared of recruiting violations at Harvard. This is important, as he can now get back to the important business of making excuses and not getting anything out of those recruits.
NAMELESS RICHMOND ASSISTANTS NOT SO LUCKY: Some Spiders coaches have resigned due to text-y recruiting violations. Former UR President Bill Cooper called the former assistants “mush” and recommended that the school deal with the problem by raising tuition 31%.
UNC-ASHEVILLE WILL NOT BE MAKING A CLOVERFIELD SEQUEL: Reigning Big South Defensive Player of the Year (and just gigantic dude) Kenny George is probably out for his senior season with an infected foot. While you and I might get an infected foot and spend some time off work playing Halo, neither you nor I are 7 feet 7 inches tall, so our feet are under considerably less stress. This must be an infection of the Michael Crichton variety; 35S wishes a speedy recovery to George.
In closing: Don’t say there’s nothing to do in the doldrums. It’s just. Not. True.
Where have we been? Minding our own business, and you? We’ll try to make sure it doesn’t become a habit.
THE STORIES MOST ARE TALKING ABOUT
Coach K won a medal (with players who openly accept money for play, how gauche), Tom Crean got money (and cried himself to sleep), San Antonio got money (from the Final Four) and STOP THE PRESSES THE NCAA IS ON THE CASE! Fire up the sirens and ready a perp walk! Someone put a body on Jerry Tarkanian! The NCAA is considering cracking down on “package deals.” This has nothing to do with calendars of your school’s water polo team, nor with East German Olympians*, it’s about the not-the-end-of-the-world-but-more-than-a-little-icky practice of hiring a kid’s coach as an inducement to get him to sign with your school (something we’ve touched on nyeah). Now that the NCAA is on the case, I’m sure ACC and Big 12 schools will continue this practice without feeling any heat, and eventually an HBCU or a school in the Northeast with “St.” in its name will be put on probation when a coach puts his son on the team. We can also be sure that Bob Ley is going to be deeply disappointed in someone.
What’s so bad about welding? URI got to take Lamar Odom, fer chrissake!
THE STORIES I CARE ABOUT
Lars got dooced (impact: meh, for everyone but fans who only like sweaty white guys, and the bartenders at The Virginian, for whom this is an unmitigated disaster). Tunji’s back (impact: yay, now that Lars is gone). Will’s going to tranfer (impact: dammit, I liked that guy). Jeff Jones gets money (the former coach, not the guard; that would be a much bigger story). Dave Leitao plays golf, which is disppointing. Golf’s nice and all, but let’s not confuse it with something men do.
*For my next post: what’s the deal with airline food? and how WASP-y is Vice President Bush?
Want to cut your teeth in the exciting field of college basketball? Yearn for less nightlife and more wildlife? The University of Alaska-Fairbanks* has an opportunity for you!
That’s right – for the low low price of civilization, you can start your career as an assistant basketball coach for our own UAF Nanooks! (It’s not racist, because we’re honoring the Inupiaq people, and besides, look at the cute bear!)
Now, we can hear you thinking – why does this job opening exist? Why would someone leave such a unique location? Well, you’ll be excited to know that our most recent assistant, after only ONE YEAR with our program, was able to parlay that experience into an opportunity to coach high schoolerssell insuranceget the hell back to the Lower 48 move up the coaching ladder! Next year, that could be you!
But what awaits you in Alaska – besides fast-paced, high quality Division II basketball? Just look at the vibrant student life on our campus of nearly 10,000 students!
Porch sitting! (Note: hazardous anytime but August.)
Silly string fights!
Toothless shrooming!
And don’t forget our favorable female:male ratio!
Yes, all this an more awaits you at UAF – where careers can begin (and sometimes end in tragic ways)! Come for the basketball, stay for the seasonal effective disorder!
* – We should note that we’ve been to Fairbanks, and to UAF specifically, and they are both lovely if very, very cold. So, prospective coaches, fear not – but pack a parka or twenty.
Whoa. Whoa. WHOA. We wouldn’t say that we are disappointed at learning that CBS dismissed Billy Packer, but we are surprised – only because we expected Packer to let go of his microphone CBS-logo’d spew stick when it was pried from his cold, dead hands.
Sure, it’s easy to think that Packer wrote his own pink slip earlier this year when he announced that the KU-UNC national semifinal game was “over”, encouraging viewers to change the channel with seven minutes to go until halftime.
But we know that the heads at CBS made this decision with the heaviest of hearts. After all, how could they get rid of a guy who displayed so much passion for his job?
Or someone who worked so hard to stay on top of the evolving nature of the sport and its coverage?
Or the sense of professionalism and objectivity he brought to every broadcast?
But there is one thing we can all agree on – Packer, uniquely, understood his place in the history of the game:
So, while Packer “pursues other opportunities” in basketball – like finding that damn bowl of tapioca he set down a few minutes ago – we say, goodnight, sweet prince. The Democratic Blogfrican Republic of College Basketball won’t be the same without you.
Brandon Jennings made the seemingly-inevitable announcement yesterday that, regardless of how his third round of testing turned out, he would be heading to Europe next year rather than honoring his commitment to play for Arizona. Jeff Goodman speculates that recent delays by Jennings may have been a little disingenuous, and Lute Olson seemed more than glad to throw yet another person under the bus in the process. (But, in this case, who could blame him?)
Regardless, Jennings’ decision, combined with Jerryd Bayless leaving for the NBA, leaves a point guard sized hole in the Wildcat lineup. We’d hope that the Wildcats would bounce back from this loss, but frankly, over the last couple of years, the Arizona squads have shown that they have a lot of quit in them. So, we wonder if the ‘Cats should save everyone the trouble and follow Jennings across the pond.
Lute Olson? Can chase more crazy tail in his homeland of Norway.
Listen, honey – it’s lutefisk or Lute’s fist, one or the other.
Chase Budinger? Pro ball in the Netherlands, natch.
“Michigan” plays “Indiana” in Mangalore, India as part of the NCAA’s pilot outsourcing program.
INDIANAPOLIS (AP) – In an announcement that shocked the world of college athletics and sent pundits scrambling for their keyboards, the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) revealed today that it is considering outsourcing its sports programs to other countries, and has already started pilot programs in college basketball to test the move.
“Outsourcing has been on our agenda for over four years,” said Brand, noting that the NCAA undertook extensive studies of the topic before starting the pilot programs this year. “In the beginning, we were really just thinking about merchandise and information management, but the more we explored the issue, the more we thought: why not the sports themselves?”
So, it’s still a few months from the start of any relevant college season – what’s that? College World Series? Blow me. – so Eirishis and Orson need something to keep themselves off the streets and off the junk ’til August. The results are sometimes frightening. Today – in honor of the Top Chef semifinals (don’t pretend you didn’t watch), we staff our hypothetical restaurant kitchens with figures from college football and basketball, past and present.
First pick goes to Orson. Add your own picks to the comments, natch.
1. Orson – Herschel Walker. A full kitchen staff embodied in a single person.
eirishis – What happens when his internal sous chef starts battling with his internal chef d’cuisine over menu direction?
2. Eirishis – Chris Webber. Willing to bring soul food to any occasion, any location – even purgatory in SacTown.
orson – Issue: may get the number of orders wrong. eirishis – And may get the restaurant shut down for acceptance of improper gifts of chicken and waffles.
3. O – Jim Tressel. Just look at the wardrobe and tell me the man doesn’t have an innate talent for making phenomenal crêpe suzette.
eirishis – Disagree. You think that man has a bottle of Grandma in his house? Sweatervest can’t take anything stronger than a daiquiri. orson – You may disagree. But the sweater alone is capable of making all the mother sauces blindfolded.
President Bush greeted the 2008 National Champion Kansas Jayhawks at the White House yesterday. His official remarks can be found here. The true transcript appears below.
Well, dammit. I knew it would come to this. I’ll smile for the cameras and say a few nice things about you in just a second, but I’ll be damned if I’ll be happy about it.
Don’t think I don’t know about y’all plains riders. We hear about you down in Crawford. Yeah, you … with your tallness and your skills and your stuff. I’m talking to you, Danny. You and your new group of Miracles think you can get away with this, but I promise we will take you down Ranger style. I got all these guys in black suits to help me. Texas is gonna rain some pain down on you, brother!
What’s that? You beat Texas three times? Boool-shit. No, really?
Well, dammit, I don’t even know what to think anymore. If my boys down in Austin can’t take care of a few loopers from the North, I’m not sure I want to say in the world we live in.
Wait – is that a ball? BALL!!!! YAY!!!!!!!
Bouncy!
Alright – the ball was a nice touch. Y’all might be OK. Maybe we can work something out.
Wait – y’all are from Can-saw? Man, Johnny is gonna have my ass. I hope this doesn’t mean that Obama kid from Kansas is gonna win in November. He doesn’t play with y’all, does he? No? Ah, right, them Carolina kids. Right.
Y’all can stay – just don’t mess with the flowers. Laura gets upset with me. And don’t mess with Texas.
