THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
Parrish: “I Don’t Really Love Sports Anymore”

If you’re anything like us, there was one great mystery left unsolved in CBS’ decision to let Billy Packer go out to pasture – how on earth were they going to hold onto the dour curmudgeon demographic? Sure, the 18-24 kids are the advertiser’s wet dream, but a network like CBS can’t ignore its base of tapioca slurpers, can it? Without Packer, where were these viewers going to get the “darn kids these days” coverage they crave?

We should have known the network brass were smarter than us. Just like their ad revenue, CBS is simply moving their crass, disinterested reporting online, in the form of Gary Parrish. From an Q&A with 35S favorite A Sea of Blue:

I mean, sitting courtside at this years [sic] national title game [as a life-long Memphis fan] should’ve been one of the highlights of my life. But it wasn’t. I was indifferent to the whole thing, and I don’t say that in an attempt to prove I’m impartial. It kinda makes me sad, actually, because the main reason I wanted to be a sports writer was because I loved sports, and I don’t really love sports anymore.

Bravo, CBS. Bra-f’in-vo. Somewhere in LA, Bill Simmons is mouthing “I told you so”. Gary, put on some Eddie Vedder and let the indifference set in.

Three more headlines, including some Grade A fan gouging, after the jump:

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The mood music for this week’s final post, courtesy of Violent Femmes:

Sure, this might be a month old, but if Gary Williams lives by “better late than never”, then so shall we. While most teams are finalizing their recruiting Class of 2009 and getting started on 2010, Williams is still scrambling to find 12 guys to suit up for this season. Seems like he could just walk the streets of Baltimore with a pack of Cluck-U Chicken certificates, but what do we know?

Speaking of additions to the ACC, Raleigh jock-talk host Joe Ovies looked at the five-year results of the ACC’s expansion to 12 teams. Basketball? Meh. Profit? ¡Sí! Thanks to new football revenue, the nine pre-existing members of the conference can’t hear your complaints about the drop in basketball quality, what from all the money they are bathing in.

In a much more sad development, Jamar Smith has been kicked off of the Illinois basketball team after violating his probation. Eamonn reported Smith’s off-court woes with proper due diligence, but we’ll chime in to say that Smith appears to have a problem of some variety – might be booze, might be mental, might just be a case of incredibly immaturity. Whatever it is, we hope he gets help.

Meanwhile, his departure leaves the Illini in rebuilding mode for another year. Somewhere at New York’s offices, a emo-banged gentleman is crying in his drink.

Gin-and-tonic, or pure tears? Also, we actually believe he wears a tux to work now.

Wondering if a zebra is on the take? Our friends at A Sea of Blue point out that, with so many off-court relationships between refs and teams, you might be right – and the NCAA might be a-OK with the relationship. Nico Bellic doesn’t see what the big deal is.

Finally, Matt Smith at Bleacher Report believes he has found the evil among us, and it is a 17-year-old at a prep school in North Carolina. John Wall, previously known to college football fans as Mitch Mustain, is the number 1 point guard in the Class of 2009 – which makes his decision to attend Baylor make oh-so-much sense. Oh, wait, they hired his AAU coach as the “director of player development”? Must have been a coincidence.

Have a great weekend, folks, good to be back.

We’re not sure what is in the water in Lexington, but something about ties to Kentucky makes a coach yearn for the company of barely adolescent boys. After current UK coach Billy Gillespie’s child-chasin’ forced the National Association of Basketball Coaches to “strongly” encourage college coaches to stop seeking and accepting commitments from players before they finished their sophomore year, current Florida coach (and former UK assistant) Billy Donovan accepted the commitment of a player who just finished his freshman year.

In fairness to Donovan, the newly-tagged Gator in question is hardly the type of spring (swamp) chicken the recruiting covenant was meant to protect – he is Austin Rivers, the youngest son of one Glenn Anton “Doc” Rivers of Boston, Mass., formerly of JustwontheNBAtitle-ville. Still, Donovan essentially pooped in the hat of the NABC by hitting the candy store recruiting trail only two weeks after the NABC’s decision came down.

But because he’s Billy Donovan and has won two national titles, and you are not, no criticism for the blatent flimflamming has come his way. Needless to say, the Kentucky faithful are less than pleased at the double standard, after taking more than their fair share of crap for Billy Clyde’s junior high skeeziness.

It’s really too bad that the NABC has no teeth whatsoever. We would have paid good money to see JTIII enforcing the new policy in a very NSFW fashion upon Messr. Donovan.

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
IU Gets Their Day in Court, For Good or for Ill

Perhaps a little too far with the hyperbole, no?

The long-awaited trial is finally coming. For months, we witnessed the gathering of evidence, heard public statements from shady characters in the saga, questioned the competency of the prosecution, and wondered if the right verdict and punishment would be handed down. Yes, for months we watched a noxious stew of sports and justice with a tinge of racism.

But today is the day the trial of O.J. Simpson will finally start.

Wait, wait … damn Google News, why do you display stories that are 14 years old? Unlike Billy Clyde, we’re not interested in things born in 1994.

[adjusts tie] Ahem. Let’s start over.

All that stuff in the first paragraph? Still true. The only changes: the trial is before the NCAA Committee on Infractions, with Indiana University and Kelvin Sampson playing the role of the Juice. And don’t try to tell anyone in Bloomington that the stakes are lower. For Hoosier fans, this trial – considering all that has already happened and punishment likely to be levied – is about the murder of IU basketball.

Mark Alesia of The Indianapolis Star has an excellent summary of the charges against IU and the procedure for the hearing. His colleague Bob Klapisch does his best Daniel Day Lewis, predicting there will be blood in the Athletic Department in the fallout from the trial. And our friends at Inside the Hall will have open thread coverage of the hearing all day.

There is a silver lining to this – no Court TV, and no Nancy Grace. At least we hope not, since she doesn’t exactly have the best record on cases involves college athletics.

Three more headlines, including some mid-major love for the weekend, after the jump.

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As we close out our last week in academia for at least good long while, we take a few minutes to peer around the other campuses of this fine nation.

Today’s them music is less music and more battery, for the enjoyment of the Japanese reality viewer:

Top billing properly goes to Charles at Fanhouse, who plucked a gem off YouTube of Bobby Knight giving hiring advice to Florida Atlantic’s AD. Click on over to check it out (we believe in spreading the love). Best line by far: “Rick Majerus has a lot of bullshit.” And shit made of many other substances, because Rick Majerus, you see, is very fat.

Loathe as we are to give any credit to men in orange, we respect genius where we see it. A plan to reorganize the Big East to prepare for Memphis’ totally-not-happening entry – one division for the old Big East, one for all the “East” teams added under Mike Tranghese’s leadership – qualifies. The boys at Troy Nunes is an Absolute Magician are awarded point, and not just for having a blog named after a mediocre quarterback from six years ago.

We haven’t started to prep for the NBA draft yet, mostly because we don’t buy into tWWL’s system of “two months hype + two minutes actual content = profit”, but Rakes of Mallow makes an interesting observation – the early declare list for the draft is oddly bereft of Big East players. Outside of addition-by-subtraction Derrick Caracter, no Big East player has declared and hired an agent. This trend is made easier when the conference only has enough talent to beat Duke, but not enough to beat Siena and Davidson. (Not that we’re bitter.)

Oddly silent are the Kansas blogs, in the wake of reports that center Darrell Arthur needed good ol’ fashioned cheatin’ improper academic assistance to keep from failing high school. RTC notes that the allegations probably won’t affect KU, but still – you’d think they’d chime in on this, right? What happened to blogs being about speed and cruelty?

We’re off for the weekend, per usual – but we’ll be back on Monday, with this site being 100% more lawyerly.

The off-season sometimes provides you with slim pickins – and when that happens, ain’t nothing you can do by ride that bomb all the way to the ground. Plus, real life has made strong demands on us today, so a-blogrollin’ we will go.

Today’s theme music – the exact opposite of how we feel these days as nuptials draw near:

Jarrett Carter may be our new favorite blogger, with two worthy posts at two worthy blogs – first, five reasons to keep the best D1 HBCU conference tournament in the Cackolack. We agree with him on all points, though we are saddened that the ACC Tournament won’t be in Greensboro, its rightful location. Atlanta is for bad traffic, gun crime, Tech fans, and SEC affairs – the ACC has no business dragging itself to such depths.

In worthy post #2, Carter asks if Gary Williams wants out of Maryland. Based on the offseason he’s had, as thoughtfully collected by the boys at DBR, who could blame him for wanting to get out with his reputation intact?

This is a bit old, but so is recruiting obsession – Mike DeCourcy breaks down the five spring signings that actually matter over at the SN. That one of said five impact players signed with Fresno Freakin’ State says all that is necessary about the current importance of the spring signing period.

In further evidence that as statistics increase, the result equals one, Yet Another Basketball Blog attempts to quantify coaching success based on recruiting and tournament play. Coach K underperforms! Tom Izzo does better than expected! Northwestern sucks! Oliver Purnell can’t beat competition with five breathing players! Surprises all around! (We kid. It’s a good piece that gives evidence to the conventional wisdom. But don’t expect a revelation.) (HT: RTC.)

Finally, while totally unrelated to college basketball, we love when two worlds collide – Above the Law, the preeminent blog in legal snark, links to Clay Travis, he of the CBS Spin on Sports column, as he gives law school selection advice. We link to this without comment, other than to say that given that Messr. Travis has abandoned the law to become a full-time sports writer, UVA Law should retroactively grant him admission.

With the deadline for players to file papers as early entrants for the NBA draft having passed on Sunday, it’s time for the annual handwringing over the policies of the NBA and the NCAA on how this is handled. This year, the focus has been on the so-called “one-and-done” rule. Thoughtful pieces on the policy and its effects have come from Bruins Nation, Conquest Chronicles, Doug Lesmerises of The (Cleveland) Plain Dealer), and surprisingly, Gene Wojociechowski at tWWL. (Even a blind squirrel finds a nut.) Contrast these thoughtful pieces to, say, a certain famous “real” journalist. Tell us which are better, Mr. Bissinger.

To a man, though, they seem to endorse one shared policy of the NBA and NCAA – the “testing the waters” loophole that allows players to attend pre-draft workouts sans agent to figure out their likely draft spot and weaknesses, giving players until ten days prior to the draft to withdraw their names and return to school. (Though everyone seems to hate the term “testing the waters”.) Team gets more information. Player gets more information. Everybody is happy, right?

Not Jay Bilas – no no no. He doesn’t like this one bit, and writes a few pages of scrill saying that players should either stay or go pro, no takebacks. (Insider, natch. Stupid tWWL.) What was fantastic, though, was this:

To me, there are three reasons why an underclassman should declare for the draft: (1) if the player is truly ready to be an impact player on the next level, (2) if the player is in dire financial need, or (3) if the player is a fraud and wants to enter the draft and be selected before he is found out.

That’s what seven years with Coach K and three years at Duke Law teach you, apparently – fraud is a-OK! (Though we would have expected such a stance to come from Doug Gottlieb.)

In seriousness, we take no strong stance on such issues – after spending far too many hours drunkenly debating such points with friends, we’ve come to the conclusion that whatever rule you have screws somebody, either by being too paternalistic or by giving young men just enough rope with which to hang themselves, so the particular rule in question matters little so long as it is consistent. (Needless to say, law school has worn us down.)

By now, you have assuredly heard of the kerfluffle on Costas Now on Tuesday night – Buzz Bissinger, he of the Pulitzer Prize for investigative reporting and the best-seller and best-fucking-football-book-ever in Friday Night Lights, went on the offensive against blogs, and we mean offensive in the most literal way.

I would repost the YouTube video, but Awful Announcing went through the trouble of collecting it and deserves the hits, so please go over to his site to see both Costas’ introduction to the segment and the roundtable “discussion” itself. Come on back when you’re done.

So, just to be clear – Bissinger says that bloggers: (1) are full of shit, (2) dedicated to cruelty, (3) professionally dishonest, (4) dedicated to speed, (5) uneducated and poorly read, (6) unable to evoke a moment, (7) causing the complete dumbing down of our society, (8) have a disgusting voice, and (9) contribute nothing to sports discourse.

He then attacks Will Leitch with cherry-picked evidence and scant knowledge of Leitch’s actual writing. He curses up a storm, ends up fuming and frustrated, having done little besides scream his opinion and sneer at Leitch. In other words … (1), (2), (3), (4), (5), (6), (7), (8), and (9). Nice job, Buzz.

Beyond Leitch’s simple but polite defense of blogging on the air, there have been numerous, truly thoughtful posts in response to Bissinger’s attacks on the medium. Leitch penned his own after appearing on the broadcast. Michael Schur of FJM did the same. Shanoff defends his brethren. Awful Announcing had words on top of the video. And our own blogfather has a response in two parts over at the mothership and The Sporting Blog.

We have nowhere near the qualifications of these fine gentlemen, seeing as how we’ve kept up residence in these quarters for a scant two months. (Plus, unlike the linked authors, we still cling to our relative anonymity for professional concerns, as we fall into Orson’s Group 5 and we haven’t had “The Talk” with our firm yet.) So we’ll let their words stand for now.

The thesis statement of all is simple, though – the Buzz Bissingers of the world notwithstanding, blogging is doing just fine. It is not journalism, nor does it pretend to be. It is commentary from the perspective of people who watch and read about the sports, but don’t have the privilege of talking to them while they stand naked in the locker room. If said commentary is funny, it will get readers. If it is not, it will not.

And to that end, since we want readers, we will return to the pursuit of funny with our next post. Enjoy.

Take the money and run.

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
Off on the Road to Rhode Island

After getting turned down by (seemingly) everyone and their brother, including UMass’ Travis Ford and George Mason’s Jim Larranaga, Providence College announced yesterday that they had poached Keno Davis, the 2008 AP Coach of the Year, from Drake.

The legal term for this is “huge f’in save.” We’ve seen a program get an excellent candidate after public swings and misses – see: Alabama (2007) and Michigan (2008) football coaching searches. But that is football, and Bama and UM are Bama and UM, and have the gravitational pull of black holes – even if they miss one star, they are sure to suck in another. This is basketball, where coaches in small conferences have far more opportunities to succeed than their brothers in the fall – and Providence is no guaranteed ticket to fame.

Will the gamble work for PC? Probably not. Davis has only been a head coach for one year, and spent his entire career as a player and assistant in the Midwest, and thus brings no relevant recruiting base to the Friars. In the dog-eat-crap Big East, he’ll be waiting for the scraps of more big programs (and other small programs from the A-10, like URI up the road) than he was in the Valley. Even the best coaches can’t succeed in the Big East without Grade A talent. We wish Davis luck (though not too much – he can finish 2nd to the Hoyas any year he wants), but we aren’t holding our breath.

HYPERBOLE GONE WILD
DBR Defends Krzyzewski, Patriotism, Puppies

The fine folks over at Duke Basketball Report published a retort to a New York Times story regarding Coach K’s statements regarding the US Olympic team’s place in the current political debate regarding Beijing and human rights:

Sometimes, through a performance you show more than by what you say. This is a tremendous opportunity to show camaraderie as teammates, serve as the ultimate example of people working together.

NYT says Coach K is in naive loony land. DBR says he recognizes that the best role the team can serve is as a quiet (hopefully successful) model of what is good, rather than a loud model of what we think is good. DBR is much closer to the ball, we think … but they we have to get off the bus when DBR makes the following analogies:

There are a couple of precedents for this: first of all, Jesse Owens, who just humiliated Adolf Hitler (we originally had Rupp here, which has to be our best typo of the year) when he tried to use the Olympics for his own ends. And secondly, the Czech water polo team, which pretty literally beat the everloving crap out of the Soviet team following the Soviet invasion of Czechoslovakia after the Czechs had the audacity to challenge the power structure the Soviets imposed on Eastern Europe following World War II.

We love the guys at DBR – really, they do a fine job covering the team, players, coaches and alums. But … this is a little much, guys.

DBR: Making Duke fans sound like, well, Duke fans.

THE STORIES NO ONE CARES ABOUT
Players Leave for NBA Who Everyone Knew Would Leave for NBA

Derrick Rose. O.J. Mayo. Michael Beasley. Thanks for your one year stay in college, guys.

We agree with Bobby Knight that these one-hit wonders make an even bigger joke out of the “student” part of “student-athlete”. We wonder how these guys approached spring classes, knowing they wouldn’t return for a second year. Did the professors admit they would mail it in? Did they even bother attending? Or did they go to scout for trim?

A SERIOUS WORD
You Are The Pride of V.P.I.

Our distrust and dislike for all things Hokie is documented and still stands. But we set down the Hatorade for a moment to wish everyone down in Blacksburg a peaceful day.

Each day this week, we’ll be previewing one of this year’s Final Four participants, little gunners that they are. Oops, we’re about to drop something. What? Knowledge. (That’s powerful, but true.) But since we’re babbling idiots, we found another blogger who knows a lot more about the team than us. We’ve already handled UNC, Memphis, and UCLA; finally, the Kansas Jayhawks, with the help of Cory from Rock Chalk Talk.

We feel some sympathy for the Jayhawks, reviled by Tournament fans for holding off upstart Davidson and giving us the all-chalk Final Four that we currently enjoy. (We’re somewhat familiar with the sensation of everyone cheering against our team.) So we held their preview for last, hoping that cooler minds had prevailed. (We’re not convinced. We still haven’t put away our red and black banners. Sorry. We’ve never claimed impartiality.)

But there is great beauty in this Kansas team making its way to the Final Four. Bill Self, who has won everything but a Regional Final since first becoming a head coach at Oral Roberts (!) fifteen years ago, gets to pull a monkey off his back. Brandon Rush, who would be in the NBA were it not for a season-ending injury last spring, reaps a benefit for staying in school an extra year. And all of the KU fans we’ve met have been good-hearted, extremely knowledgeable fans who engage in surprisingly few couch burnings, considering they live in Lawrence.

But can they keep going and win the title? We turned to Cory from Rock Chalk Talk, who provided expert biased analysis as requested, and plenty of it. His responses to our questions, after the jump.

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