Terrible news coming out of Illinois this morning – Kevin Bryant, a recent graduate of Illinois Wesleyan University and a three-year letterman for the school’s Division III basketball team, died in Colorado on Sunday as the result of a whitewater rafting accident.

Bryant was not a standout on the court – his senior year, he only played in seven games – but those who knew Bryant said he wore his bench-warmer status with a smile, working tirelessly to make his team and teammates better.

Condolences go out to Bryant’s family and friends, and to the IWU athletic community.

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
Mayo Madness Continues

Because the chum bucket isn’t empty yet, the newsreel continues to focus squarely on Messr. Mayo and his handler / hanger-on / sugar daddy Messr. Guillary. With tWWL having presented the case in chief for the prosecution, we now prepare to hear the arguments of the defense. University of Southern California, your witness:

USC intends to tell the NCAA it knew of no wrongdoing involving O.J. Mayo and banned his mentor, Rodney Guillory, from receiving tickets as an illustration of its attempt to prevent the basketball star from receiving any improper benefits, according to sources. That will be the outline of the university’s defense, according to officials familiar with the situation.

[starts a slow clap] Brilliant, gentleman! The prosecution may have PROOF on its side, and they may be able to poke many holes in this argument, but we shall stun them with our brilliant rhetoric and good faith. Huzzah!

But really, though – this is an incredibly lame defense, and if it is the best that USC can come up with, than this quote makes a lot more sense:

“Right now, we’re just trying to weather the storm,” said a USC official, who asked not to be identified.

And we’re like, yeah, no shit.

FOUR STORIES WORTH ONE LINE APIECE

Hey, We Know They Aren’t Busy With the Economy or Foreign Policy – David Steele argues in The (Baltimore) Sun that Congress should fix college basketball, based on its stunning success with professional sports leagues, budget management, and ethical conduct.

We’d Say Less White Guys, But It’s Still the Patriot League – Dave Paulson, a two-time national Coach of the Year at Williams, makes the jump to D-I by taking over at Bucknell.

Speaking of White Guys … – Dave Leitao plans to take his Singletary-less Cavaliers on a barnstorming tour of Canada in September. Valuable game experience for a very green squad, or desperation recruiting? You choose.

Expanding Their Opportunities to Foist Applebee’s Jingles on Us All – CBS Sports announced yesterday they would no longer use third-party online advertising networks, instead managing their own online ad placements to expand placement opportunities for mainline advertisers. Just try to keep that “Shrimp Sensations” jingle out of your head. Just try.

CHOOSE!

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
Ohio – More or Less Frightening Than Mexico?

The question above poses an odd query to anyone with neither affinity or hate for either locale – your corn comes from the former, your patently racist joke tortillas come from the latter. But if you drink heartily of the haterade this country prides itself on, then you likely have a fairly negative view of one or both of these locations, making a choice between them difficult.

More evidence to confuse the decision: in Ohio, college basketball players are shooting at police officers:

Akron basketball player Rydell Brooks was arrested early Sunday after shooting at police officers during a foot chase following a traffic stop.

Akron police said the 20-year-old Brooks ran from a car and fired several times as police officers chased him. He was being held in Summit County Jail and faces attempted murder and felonious assault charges.

We guess that he won’t be suiting up for the Zips anytime soon.

But in Mexico, you can get the shit beaten out of you by two American hoops players, and nobody will be charged because “all you people look alike”:

The person who was injured, a Michigan resident who was down there on an internship, still maintain it was [Portland State player Scott] Morrison who broke his jaw. He and his family are still seeking to have charges brought (if they can find anyone who can corroborate his story) and are looking into a civil action.

Protecting and serving Akron while fielding bullets from a bench guard, or taking slugs in a foreign land, first from a countryman and then from a shady judicial system? CHOOSE!

TWO OTHER STORIES THAT WE ENJOYED FOR NO GOOD REASON

All-Night Buffets in Boca Raton, Be Warned

The reports range in commitment level from “we love him, but we’re not in love with him” to a journalistic post-coital cigarette, but
Mike Jarvis appears to be the next head coach at Florida Atlantic.

Jarvis’ kissy talk about how much he loves the school and the area may well be a necessary part of the contract, considering how well FAU’s last big name lay worked out.

Our Nerd Hearts Swell with Blood

We’ve roundly enjoyed Dana O’Neil’s work since joining tWWL’s hoops crew from the Philadelphia Daily News, since she forgot to burn her journalism degree when setting up shop in Bristol. Her latest filing about the Cal Tech basketball team is particularly superb, and not just because it mentions the Kuiper Belt. (Though we’ll admit a certain fondness for astrophysics. What?)

No, we love this article for its self-deprecating tone (O’Neil admits she has no idea what these guys are saying when speaking about their research internships) and for it’s subtle shot at the deaf (“Caltech won just one game this year and it was against Gallaudet, the nation’s leading university for the hearing impaired.”) And because it gives us the excuse to post the following, evidence that even at Caltech you’ll find many an ill-spent youth, albeit in the other direction:

It’s a big honor to be inducted into the North Carolina Hall of Fame – truly, I’m honored to be here. When you are the coach of a Division III program, you have to keep your expectations realistic. Can’t get ahead of yourself.

Good buffet here tonight. Don’t see too much todo like this at Guilford.

Anyway, thank you for the honor, but I don’t know about this “overcoming all odds” talk. It’s not like I’m that Pistorius guy.

Sure, I recruited three future NBA players to a small, NAIA school in central North Carolina, and won a national title in the ’70s. But every squirrel finds a nut – and let me tell you, World B. Free was one hell of a nut. But it was a different era. You could convince a guy to leave the big city for a small school without handing over tens of thousands of dollars in illegal payments. Didn’t have that kind of money at Guilford. All we offered was good coaching, a great education, and all the moonshine and co-eds you could handle. It was a simpler time, really.

And yeah, I coached a couple of teams to golf national championships as well, even though I don’t know much about golf. Doesn’t seem like a big deal. Guilford needed to cut the budget, so I tried to help out where I could. I always say that a good coach can coach anything. Tried to prove it once by taking over a cock-fighting ring during a mission trip in Guatamala a few years back. We were only there for a few weeks, but with tough practices and good motivation, I had Señor Garra winning every match he fought. It’s just a matter of getting through to the kids – or animals, whatever.

So yeah – proud to be here tonight, but I just took what life gave me. You can do the same.

(Ed. – In all seriousness, coaching two sports to championships at any level? What a badass. Read the profile.)