Whoa. Whoa. WHOA. We wouldn’t say that we are disappointed at learning that CBS dismissed Billy Packer, but we are surprised – only because we expected Packer to let go of his microphone CBS-logo’d spew stick when it was pried from his cold, dead hands.

Sure, it’s easy to think that Packer wrote his own pink slip earlier this year when he announced that the KU-UNC national semifinal game was “over”, encouraging viewers to change the channel with seven minutes to go until halftime.

But we know that the heads at CBS made this decision with the heaviest of hearts. After all, how could they get rid of a guy who displayed so much passion for his job?

Or someone who worked so hard to stay on top of the evolving nature of the sport and its coverage?

Or the sense of professionalism and objectivity he brought to every broadcast?

But there is one thing we can all agree on – Packer, uniquely, understood his place in the history of the game:

So, while Packer “pursues other opportunities” in basketball – like finding that damn bowl of tapioca he set down a few minutes ago – we say, goodnight, sweet prince. The Democratic Blogfrican Republic of College Basketball won’t be the same without you.

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT

Wait a second … that doesn’t seem right after several days off … let’s try that again:

ALL THE CRAP THAT’S HAPPENED IN THE LAST WEEK

That’s better. Quick roundup of the biggest stories, with a little link love for our brother blogs:

Paul Hewitt Stands Tall, States the Obvious

At last week’s meeting of the Knight Commission (the body studying academic standards for NCAA athletics), Georgia Tech coach Paul Hewitt earned a lot of press by voicing controversial, even shocking, opinions about all that is wrong with the current student-athlete model. Radical stuff, like “Eligibility rather than academic growth has become our biggest concern”, and “Agents are turning college campuses into the Wild West.” Whoa, whoa, Paul … drop one bomb at a time, baby, we weren’t prepared. Hang on, we’ll sit down. OK, go on:

“While I like to see everyone who reaches college earn a degree,” Hewitt said, “we need to find more effective ways to achieve our goals. I do have a problem with putting numbers out there, saying ‘Meet these numbers or else. You’re turning education into a race.”

Phew … radical, radical man. You’re lucky you didn’t lose your job for saying crazy stuff like that.

Of course Hewitt is right, and we all know he’s right – it’s just that no one in the powers that be care, since they can’t hear him over the sound of cash registers. And Hewitt had some thoughts about that as well:

[Hewitt] said he’d like to see basketball become a one-semester sport and that coaches overall would like to see a shorter schedule, but he admitted it’s “not going to happen” because of the lucrative television money that comes from playing more games, even in early November.

Whoa, Paul – we were with you right up until you suggested cutting games. We have a habit to feed, you know. Crazy talk like that will get us back on the harder junk.

Is nice!

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
Late Recruits Give Ringing Endorsements

With the draft intrigue now long passed (well, unless Mbah a Moute doesn’t hire an agent, then goes undrafted, then returns to school … [sigh] … ), we return our attention to the players who actually want to play college basketball.

With the recruiting season all but finished, only a few big names from the juco ranks remained up for grabs – and boy, they all committed to their new schools with unbridled joy! Just look at these statements:

From Charles Garcia, Jr., the newest member of the Washington Huskies: “I just didn’t want to deal with the whole recruiting process,” he said. “I wanted to get it out of the way.” That’s the spirit! Go UW!

From Roburt Sallie, now a Memphis Tiger – which isn’t too bad considering that the only reason he was available now was because Nebraska – that’s right, NEBRASKA – was forced to boot him under Big XII rules due to an administrative error. “For some reason, God didn’t intend me to play for Nebraska. I was dedicated to them and I still wish today I’d have the opportunity to play for them because they’re great.” See? A Tony the Tiger reference! He’s gonna love Memphis! And it’s natural to be pining after your homely ex after you start dating the cheerleader!

Finally, Kentucky transfer Derrick Jasper finally determined where his new home would be – and it will be in the desert, playing for Lon Kruger’s squad in Vegas. His supporters say he wanted to be closer to his Cali home. UK fans think he might have been too soft for Lexington. We think, given the destination, the reason behind the transfer is more basic:

Four more headlines, including plenty of legal action for the week, after the jump.

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We mistakenly appended this to the end of the roundup this morning – early morning + lack of coffee = editing mistakes – but it’s front page level disgusting, so we’ll repost it without shame. While putzing around, we found this lovely mailbag by David James, the lead sports anchor for KUTV, Salt Lake’s CBS affiliate. Sure, it’s two months old, but it helpfully dispels some misconceptions about our friends from LDS country:

1) The evangelical South and the Mormon West find common earth on bad grammar, as evidenced by this fine writer, but moral celebratin’ is a whole other matter:

BYU new slogan (One & Done) As a Ute Alum I am tired of the BYU fans talking trash about the Utes basketball program just because they happen to be down at the moment and saying that the Utes just want to be them, not true, if anything it is the other way around. At least when the Utes go to the dance they do more than just have cookies and punch, they actually dance. The Utes do not want to be BYU they want to get back to where they were and they will.

Utes dance? Scandal! Next they’ll tell us the punch was spiked, and that there were finger sandwiches in addition to those cookies.

2) Proper church lurnin’ aside, the pure minds of these fine folks are challenged by the same sins as all sports fans: common wisdom, blind loyalty, uncontrolled expectations and a colloquial tongue:

People don’t give a rat’s ass about MWC championships. The only thing that matters are BCS wins and NCAA wins. Does anyone care that UTAH lost to UNLV in 98? No they remember going to the final four! Beating Wyoming is something you are supposed to do. Beat someone you are not supposed to beat.

Truer words have never been spoken. In fact, if all of you haven’t beaten Wyoming today, we must ask: why do you hate freedom?

3) Nightmare fuel knows no religion. That’s the only explanation for why Messr. James shared this photo in the mailbag, and why we pass it along to you now:

Just plausible enough to not be a PS job – just frightening enough to keep us up tonight.

WINNAR.

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
Dear Cancer: Die. Love, Coaches

We normally struggle to make light of potentially fatal diseases – even we have depths to which we won’t stoop, much to the surprise of our wife – but we do call the lede “the story everyone is talking about,” and the news late Friday that UConn coach Jim Calhoun once again had cancer qualifies for such title.

Calhoun had already beat cancer twice – prostate cancer in 2003 and skin cancer in 2007 – by catching it early (good for cancer and chicken pox; bad for gonorrhea). This time, he alerted his doctor to a growth on his neck that was determined to be squamous cell cancer. Growth removed, radiation administered, and four weeks later, scans show his lymph nodes and skin to be cancer-free.

Upon hearing the news, Duke’s Mike Krzyzewski expressed relief – not only that his colleague was safe and would return to the sidelines, but also because Cancer’s third consecutive loss to Calhoun in a championship round gave it a slightly worse record than Coach K’s own 0-2 against Calhoun in games that count. (Not that we’re bitter.)

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Big East knows not to talk back.

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
Big Thursday Has a Ring to It. Sure.

Mid-majors status is something akin to owning a bakery in Little Italy circa 1935. Maybe you want to stay in your small shop, bake your panettone, earn a humble but honest living. But when La Cosa Nostra comes calling, asking for just a small favor here and there that they promise will lead to greater riches for everyone, you accept. You know it means you no longer control your shop, your destiny, your dreams. At first, you try to push back a little, but in the end you accept it for what it is. You lie to yourself, say it is for the children. And so life goes on, your community profile larger but more gray, and your sleep much more short.

Whoa, sorry – got caught up in a metaphor there. Long way of saying – when tWWL yells “Jump!”, mid-majors answer, and we whistle because we consumers don’t care about making the sausage so long as we get 10 games a week.

Case in point: the West Coast Conference (a favorite around these parts) got added onto tWWL’s Big Monday package three years ago in a deal that pretty much worked for no one but the Mouse. Well, the WCC tried to fight back a little – saying that the late Monday start times were bad for fans and players alike in a refreshing bit of truth – and they got Bristol’s attention. So much so that tWWL is now considering moving its contracted WCC games to Thursday nights in the same time slot.

Let’s review: no gain for fans – since Thursdays are only better than Mondays for single 25 year olds with jobs that don’t require thought five days a week; no gain for players – ditto; no gain for schools – ad revenue dips on a much lower profile night, where they will fight against more football early in November / December and more pro hoops in January / February. Meanwhile, La Cosa Nostra gets what it wants – a freed up Monday schedule ready to snatch up the Pac-10, a conference more willing to screw its fans, when its contract with FSN expires.

Don’t lie to yourself, WCC. Don’t say you didn’t know this is what it was. You knew their business when went into this thing.

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THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
Mayo Madness Continues

Because the chum bucket isn’t empty yet, the newsreel continues to focus squarely on Messr. Mayo and his handler / hanger-on / sugar daddy Messr. Guillary. With tWWL having presented the case in chief for the prosecution, we now prepare to hear the arguments of the defense. University of Southern California, your witness:

USC intends to tell the NCAA it knew of no wrongdoing involving O.J. Mayo and banned his mentor, Rodney Guillory, from receiving tickets as an illustration of its attempt to prevent the basketball star from receiving any improper benefits, according to sources. That will be the outline of the university’s defense, according to officials familiar with the situation.

[starts a slow clap] Brilliant, gentleman! The prosecution may have PROOF on its side, and they may be able to poke many holes in this argument, but we shall stun them with our brilliant rhetoric and good faith. Huzzah!

But really, though – this is an incredibly lame defense, and if it is the best that USC can come up with, than this quote makes a lot more sense:

“Right now, we’re just trying to weather the storm,” said a USC official, who asked not to be identified.

And we’re like, yeah, no shit.

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No horns here – promise!

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
On Getting Off Lawns and Turning Down Music

Levels of pain for coaches when recruits defect:

Bad: “I just want to be closer to home.” A lie, but a plausible lie that has nothing (publically) to do with the coach.
Worse: “I think I’ll be a better fit elsewhere.” Closer to the truth, with a mild jab at the coach and his system.
Worst: “I feel they’ve lied to me all along about the situation.” Dead-on honest, with a laser sight on the man in charge.

Such is life in Arizona, where Lute Olson continues to give the Bobby Bowden treatment to the program he brought to national prominence. Emmanuel Negedu, a forward from Nigeria and Top-40 recruit, asked out of his LOI to Arizona, citing the … well, the batshit-craziness of the program right now, even after receiving a person visit from Olson begging him to stay.

U of A’s AD will decide today whether or not to release Negedu from his commitment – which he should, unless he actually wants publicity for the family-friendly thriller he’s ghost writing, about the white man who forces a man in Africa to Arizona against his will for physical labor.

While his new assistants are singing out of the Good Graces songbook in an attempt to restore trust in the program, one has to wonder if U of A will have the same patience as Florida State with a coach who is past his sell-by date.

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As we close out our last week in academia for at least good long while, we take a few minutes to peer around the other campuses of this fine nation.

Today’s them music is less music and more battery, for the enjoyment of the Japanese reality viewer:

Top billing properly goes to Charles at Fanhouse, who plucked a gem off YouTube of Bobby Knight giving hiring advice to Florida Atlantic’s AD. Click on over to check it out (we believe in spreading the love). Best line by far: “Rick Majerus has a lot of bullshit.” And shit made of many other substances, because Rick Majerus, you see, is very fat.

Loathe as we are to give any credit to men in orange, we respect genius where we see it. A plan to reorganize the Big East to prepare for Memphis’ totally-not-happening entry – one division for the old Big East, one for all the “East” teams added under Mike Tranghese’s leadership – qualifies. The boys at Troy Nunes is an Absolute Magician are awarded point, and not just for having a blog named after a mediocre quarterback from six years ago.

We haven’t started to prep for the NBA draft yet, mostly because we don’t buy into tWWL’s system of “two months hype + two minutes actual content = profit”, but Rakes of Mallow makes an interesting observation – the early declare list for the draft is oddly bereft of Big East players. Outside of addition-by-subtraction Derrick Caracter, no Big East player has declared and hired an agent. This trend is made easier when the conference only has enough talent to beat Duke, but not enough to beat Siena and Davidson. (Not that we’re bitter.)

Oddly silent are the Kansas blogs, in the wake of reports that center Darrell Arthur needed good ol’ fashioned cheatin’ improper academic assistance to keep from failing high school. RTC notes that the allegations probably won’t affect KU, but still – you’d think they’d chime in on this, right? What happened to blogs being about speed and cruelty?

We’re off for the weekend, per usual – but we’ll be back on Monday, with this site being 100% more lawyerly.

No Christmas in Memphis this year.

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
When Looking East Mean Going West.
Our father’s favorite phrase in our youth? “Never let the facts get in the way of a good story.” Useful for a budding lawya, sure, but more useful still for rumor mongering in the off-season.

Late Wednesday, a local reporter in Memphis reported on his blog (journalists! blogs! mass hysteria!) that Memphis was in serious negotiations with the Big East to join the megaconference. (HT: Eamonn.) And it was a report! He had sources and confirmation and everything! Good story!

But with a big enough stage, the absence of facts becomes too glaring – and when the President of U of M and a spokesman for the Big East both deny any such negotiations (laughingly, no less) – well, we think that our friend Matt Stark will be working at MyFoxMemphis or its equivalent for a little while longer.

Don’t get us wrong – Memphis to the Big East makes sense. The Tigers would balance the football schedule, and since the conference is already too big for basketball, what’s another team if they actually bring quality with the quantity? And since the conference has already shown their indifference towards geographic common sense and academic prowess, Memphis’ two major weaknesses pose no problem!

Alas – not to be. Rumor on, fellow soldiers – but on this point, Memphis and its fans are reduced to early ’90s easy listening.

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