The daily spin through the day’s top stories. Got something we should cover? Email us at thirtyfiveseconds[at]yahoo[dot]com.
No, seriously, we feel terrible.
THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT Fear Pity the Turtle
If you are looking for a ticket out of College Park, best book early – some very tall gentlemen are taking up all the good seats. If you trying to get into town, however, feel free to browse – all seats are free.
In the wake of the Tyree Evans saga and the transfer of Gus Gilchrist, wouldbe bench player Shane Walker finalized his transfer by announcing his move up the road to Loyola. If you are keeping score at home, that’s -1 outside shooter, -2 post players, and +3 open scholarships for Gary Williams.
But with the recruiting well for the coming season now dry and expected stud Sean Mosley struggling to qualify academically, the Terps may be down to nine scholarship players for next year. Williams’ options to fill out the roster: more land mine ju-co transfers, unsigned risks who can’t qualify academically or physically, or walk-ons. All are terrible choices for Williams; all are fantastic possibilities for those of us who love watching Maryland and Williams squirm.
The roster problems come on the heels of a rough stretch for the Terps … [snickers under his breath] … having missed the tournament three of the last four years . The program’s struggles seem strange, given that Maryland won the national championship only six years ago – which was so forever ago that Juan Dixon is now collecting Social Security.
But perhaps there is now a six year curse. Six years after winning 2000 title, Michigan State lost to lowly George Mason in the first round. 1999 champ UConn got upset in the 2nd round by NC State in 2005. As for 2001 champ Duke … ugh:
The truth hurts, dammit. Is there a six-year curse?
Four more headlines, including some moderately NSFW work, after the jump.
President Bush greeted the 2008 National Champion Kansas Jayhawks at the White House yesterday. His official remarks can be found here. The true transcript appears below.
Well, dammit. I knew it would come to this. I’ll smile for the cameras and say a few nice things about you in just a second, but I’ll be damned if I’ll be happy about it.
Don’t think I don’t know about y’all plains riders. We hear about you down in Crawford. Yeah, you … with your tallness and your skills and your stuff. I’m talking to you, Danny. You and your new group of Miracles think you can get away with this, but I promise we will take you down Ranger style. I got all these guys in black suits to help me. Texas is gonna rain some pain down on you, brother!
What’s that? You beat Texas three times? Boool-shit. No, really?
Well, dammit, I don’t even know what to think anymore. If my boys down in Austin can’t take care of a few loopers from the North, I’m not sure I want to say in the world we live in.
Wait – is that a ball? BALL!!!! YAY!!!!!!!
Bouncy!
Alright – the ball was a nice touch. Y’all might be OK. Maybe we can work something out.
Wait – y’all are from Can-saw? Man, Johnny is gonna have my ass. I hope this doesn’t mean that Obama kid from Kansas is gonna win in November. He doesn’t play with y’all, does he? No? Ah, right, them Carolina kids. Right.
Y’all can stay – just don’t mess with the flowers. Laura gets upset with me. And don’t mess with Texas.
Graduating seniors, esteemed faculty, family and friends of the UConn community – I’m so happy to be back with you all here in Storrs today. Even though I last played for Coach Auriemma thirteen years ago, my experiences here at the University of Connecticut continue to be the best of my life. I’ll always be proud of how much I accomplished here, and will be eternally grateful for everything it learned during my college career.
Which is why I’m truly honored to address the graduating class this year. I hope that all of you graduating seniors have made memories here in that you hold just as dear, and that you have dreams just as big for what you will do when you leave here today. But I also hope and pray that someone in this audience will save me from the hell I’ve been living since I left.
INDIANAPOLIS (AP) – In response to demands from coaches and fans of college basketball, as well as rising rancor from media coverage of the sport, the NCAA promised that it would make changes to the way in which college basketball chooses its national champion starting in 2009.
“We didn’t want to throw away seventy years of tradition on a whim, but tension against the tournament-style format has been building for years,” said NCAA President Myles Brand on Monday morning after a three-hour meeting with university presidents. “Ultimately, we think that it is time that college basketball came into agreement with our other major revenue sport so that the fans can finally be satisfied with end-of-season matchups that are both satisfying and will conclusively determine the best team in the sport.”
The new Poll of Objective and Observable Percentages (POOP) system*, designed by ACC Commissioner and BCS President John Swofford and a team of trained monkeys, is based on the successful Bowl Championship Series used in Division I-A football. Teams will be rated on a weekly basis, starting Jan. 1 of each year / season. The rankings will take into account three factors: the team’s rank in the Ratings Percentage Index (RPI), the team’s rank in the ESPN/USA Today Coaches’ Poll, and the team’s average rating across eight computer-based ranking systems. Each of these three sources will be treated equally, and the average of the three values will constitute the team’s straight POOP score.
“Our hope is that by using POOP to determine who plays for the national championship, rather than the current haphazard system of the NCAA tournament, we’ll be able to restore some normalcy to the proceedings,” said Swofford. “I mean, the whole March Madness name is a double-edged sword, ya know?” (more…)
If there’s one thing thirtyfiveseconds.com is going to be dedicated to, it’s posting video of injuries and the gory way they happened. Basketball’s underrated for this: a forest of limbs flailing around while trying to dribble and pass the basketball makes for massive injury potential, particularly when players attempt to draw fouls on a charge. Do it right, and you’re the hoops equivalent of a skilled soccer player, grabbing your knee theatrically in triumph as the other player gets the foul called on them; do it wrong, and you’re talking with your ancestors and hyperventilating on the floor just like Tyler Hansbrough is below.
And to show we cater to all kinds: North Carolina fans, that’s a charge! And everyone who hates North Carolina: we repeat Will Leitch’s knock on the man, which is that he looks exactly like Beaker from the Muppets. And to New England Patriot fans: you only like him because he’s white!
