THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
Shark Week Continues

Privately, we hoped that in our day off (done with school woot!), the O.J. Mayo mess would calm down, and some other story would take over the headlines. We weren’t alone - in a small act of sanity, Ben Taylor at the Daily Bruin says, “Um, don’t all of you have anything better to cover, like college athletes dying in practice?”

NO! Silly us. Each minute factual revelation merely served to throw more chum in the water, which inevitably leads to nastiness.

On Tuesday, the attacks centered on Mayo and the USC leadership. As the story ages however, like a fine wine, more subtle variables gain strength to create layers of flavor for the well-heeled to snoot about.

Signal to Noise points out that USC may pay a price in recruiting long before sanctions come down. His local paper says Mayo has daddy issues (like any good southern boy). Wilbon says Mayo is a sweet kid caught up in the dirty system of agents. DeCourcy over at the SN goes a step further and says the entire sport of basketball is broken. (Though DeCourcy’s piece is less “subtle flavor brought out by age” and more “what happens when you toss the bottle against the wall in disgust, because the world is death.” Let it all out, Mike. Why, oh why did Celeste leave you and take both le chat and all the zigerettes?)

But at least O.J. and his former compadres won’t lose a high school title over this mess.

We’ve been asked our opinion, but we don’t view this as a forum for our “take” - we offer commentary only to be funny or make a valid point, and we’re so sick of this topic we’re not sure we can do either. We’ll try better tomorrow.

We now move onto to non-O.J. topics - but first, twins.

(more…)

Perhaps an ill-advised cover shoot.

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
Inconceivable!

Pop quiz to start your weeks, ladies and gentlemen - and we don’t want to hear any complaining, because if you’ve been reading the assigned material, this one will be easy: Which of the following post-season events, all related to one Ovinton J’Anthony Mayo, was the most predictable? Was it …

A) His decision to go pro after one year at USC?
B) An investigation by tWWL revealing Mayo received thousands of dollars worth of benefits from a sports agency’s middleman?
C) The post-investigation denial of wrongdoing by Mayo?
D) The hand-wringing column from Pat Forde decrying the lack of ethics by Mr. Mayo and USC?

If you answered (D), congratulations. Clearly, the most predictable of all these events was the column, for the Louisville Loudmouth is like a well-oiled machine, students - steely and efficient to be sure, but deadly and fear-inducing. Our guess is that Forde wrote yesterday’s column three years ago, while Mayo was still a Appalachian lad, and simply edited to include the relevant facts in record. Had nothing newsworthy happened, he would have found a reason to post the column anyway.

If you answered anything but (D), for shame. With all the evidence we have about the NCAA’s successful oversight of ethical conduct (99% of athletes haven’t been caught yet!), that O.J. might receive illicit benefits was … well, we’ll let Vizzini explain:

TWO STORIES THAT INTERESTED US FOR NO GOOD REASON
No Wonder He’s Recruiting Middle Schoolers

Last week, we noted that while transfer #1 may be ignored as a fluke for any program, transfer #2 can be properly viewed as a sign of trouble brewing. (We noted this in reference to our own alma mater, so maybe red flags jumped up too early, but still.) We control-c, control-p this advice again today as Kentucky announced two player transfers over the weekend.

Marginal players seeking greener pastures and more playing time? Perhaps. But given Billy Gillespie’s youth-oriented recruiting strategy - with commitments for every class through the next presidential administration now on the books - perhaps these gentlemen wanted to get out of Lexington before being replaced by zygotes.

It’s Only Hubris If You Can’t Back It Up

After a week unintentionally filled with Carolina-fueled stories, apparently our subconscious mind felt it necessary to offer equal time to the Blue Devils, which inevitably leads to much silliness. Case in point - a beautifully homer-tastic look by DBR at the so-called Duke Curse, in the wake of Huggy Bear’s slip-and-fall at the Greensboro airport last week.

We applaud the research efforts of DBR and their affiliates. However, tracking a would-be curse on each team that eliminates your squad in the tournament sounds like a more academic approach to the old standby chant for fans of the losing team:

Re-defining “big” in Durham.

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
Hey, Wojo? Maybe You Should Sit This One Out.

Coach K’s recent recruiting failures with big men - see Patrick Patterson and Greg Monroe - have sparked a chicken-and-egg argument. Are the trees not interested because no Duke big man has succeeded at the next level, from Jay Bilas to Christian Laettner to Sheldon Williams with every Cherokee Parks in between? Or is it because the coaching triumvirate of Dawkins, Collins and Wojociechowski (most recently in charge of post players) had no idea how to coach bigs?

Consider the egg scrambled - in the wake of Dawkins’ departure for Palo Alto, Coach K hired former Blue Devil forward Nate James to fill his spot on the bench. What remains to be seen is if this will have any discernible impact, as James comes in with no coaching experience. In fact, this resume looked better suited for reality television:

After graduating from Duke and playing in the Carolinas Basketball League, James spent parts of five seasons playing in Bosnia, Brazil, France, Germany, Greece, Holland, Hungary, Italy, Japan, the Philippines, Poland and Russia.

While some might consider the career a world history tour, James didn’t exactly praise the vagabond experience. Instead, he talked about eating nothing but rice and noodles — with chopsticks only — in Japan for several months; playing in a freezing gym in Bosnia; and having to eat cow tongue in Russia.

So, future Blue Devil recruits, know what Duke can now offer. Even if your playing experience can’t get you in the NBA and your Duke degree can’t get you a job, Coach James can help you parlay your experiences in Durham into a spot on The Amazing Race.

TWO STORIES THAT INTERESTED US FOR NO GOOD REASON
Something is Afoot in the District

Player movements galore in our nation’s capital yesterday, as Karl Hobbs kicked two players off GW’s team. Role players, true, but two players nonetheless from a team that only managed nine wins last season. Which makes one wonder what “certain expectations” they failed to meet to warrant dismissal, since one could argue that Hobbs and all of his charges failed to meet the basic “certain expectation” of finishing higher than next-to-last in the A-10.

Meanwhile, further into the snooty part of the Northwest Quadrant, a second potential starter transfers away from the Hoyas. With the announced transfer of Doc Rivers’ kid, Georgetown will be down to four returning players with any significant playing time. Greg Monroe better be really, really good, or JTIII will need to bust out celebrity dance moves again.

Theme music for this morning’s quick post, as we prepare for another ill-advised road trip:

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
More Schools That Couldn’t Fake Academic Achievement
Buzz around the interwebs continues to center on the APR ratings released yesterday. Rush the Court broke down the numbers in much greater detail than us, with some interesting findings:

1) Davidson had the best overall APR (a perfect 1000) amongst hoops programs, while Carolina had the highest amongst BCS programs. There is a safety school joke in here somewhere, but damned if we can find it.

2) The total list of teams suffering scholarship losses: Kansas State, Purdue, Seton Hall, South Carolina, Tennessee, and New Mexico State take a hit of one scholly apiece, while Southern Cal and UAB will lose two apiece for their historic incompetence.

3) The ACC and the Big East had the highest conference APR averages. If that isn’t evidence of the worthiness of the APR as a measure of academic success, we’re not sure what is. (That, or Big Ten programs are even worse at finding decent educations for their players than we already suspect.)

(more…)

Sans Annie Liebowitz.

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
Recruiting - Even More Strangers with Candy-esque

Late last week, Michael Avery, a guard from Encino, CA, committed to play for Billy Gillespie at Kentucky. A good late-signing season get for the Wildcats? We’ll know when Avery starts playing college ball … in 2012. Sure, he doesn’t know where he is going to high school, or how to drive, or where (or what) the clitoris is, but dammit all, he is proud to be a Wildcat!

Every child has to take a step towards adulthood at some point, and perhaps Avery truly is ahead of peers in this regard. In that case, he’s doing a nice job of following Miley Cyrus’ lead - build up expectations amongst a fan base, then bring them crashing to the ground when you act like the budding adult that you are. We’ll see if the analogy holds when he backs out of his verbal in three years and goes to UCLA.

TWO STORIES THAT INTERESTED US FOR NO GOOD REASON
Character Problems + Fuzzy Math = Profit?

We searched for “addition by subtraction” images, hoping others had better luck than us visualizing the concept. Dane Cook was the closest we could get, though we admit that without the all-important knife through the torso, leaving a vastly improved romantic comedy or HBO special in its wake, it’s not quite apropos. (Though we roundly enjoy Cook’s evil twin on Heroes.)

Douchy sign of the apocalypse? Sexually immature? Why not both?

(more…)

Absolute badass.

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
Excuses, Explanations, and Honest-to-God Reasons

When Tennessee’s Chris Lofton struggled early this season even against cupcake opponents, some wondered what was holding the 2006-2007 SEC Player of the Year back. At the time, UT’s head trainer Chad Newman said, “These people that are questioning Chris are going to feel pretty stupid when they find out what’s wrong with him.”

Yes, yes we do - turns out that Lofton was catching up physically after fighting cancer in the offseason:

“When I first heard that word, ‘cancer,’ I thought I was going to die,” said Lofton, whose cancer was detected through an NCAA-mandated random drug test following the Vols’ 121-86 victory over Long Beach State on March 16, 2007.

The results of the drug test were positive; UT officials were informed that if Lofton wasn’t using drugs, the positive result could be a sign of cancer.

More tests followed, and Lofton underwent surgery on March 28 to have the cancer removed. Four weeks of radiation treatment followed, from late April into May.

We’ll admit that our first reaction was shock at Lofton chose to (and succeeded in) keeping this under wraps the whole season - especially with noted media whore Bruce Pearl as a coach. But apparently, Pearl was the only one, besides trainer Newman, who was in on the secret in Knoxville.

“When people are first diagnosed with cancer, sometimes the first thought is to tell everyone close to you, so you can feel all the support and be surrounded with the love you need to battle cancer,” said Pearl.

“But Chris didn’t want anyone worrying about it or our fans using it as an excuse for him.”

Lofton said he appreciates his school and the media for respecting his privacy.

And we respect you for fighting the good fight, Chris Lofton. Best wishes going forward on staying cancer-free.

We now return to our regularly scheduled dick jokes.

(more…)

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
End of Semester Rules at Chapel Hill

As seen yesterday at Rush the Court with 850 the Buzz, some Carolina basketball players spent the end of the semester blowing off some steam earlier this week with a little roof hopping. Now, it was enough for Ol’ Roy that his presumptive starting point guard for next year, Bobby Fraser, was diving from two stories up when he is supposed to be rehabbing his knee. But we have to imagine that seeing his All-American take the high-gravity dip would send him into a tizzy:

For Tyler’s sake, we hope the pool is filled with Chi Omega girls.

In case yesterday’s conversation with his brother didn’t do it for you, that picture above is all the evidence you need of why Psycho T is staying in college as long as he can. (HT for the photo to the Deadspin commenters, you profane bunch of cellar dwellers.)

(more…)

This likely won’t end well.

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
Campaigning in North Cackolack The Effective Way

The old story in our home state is that if Dean Smith wanted to be Governor, all he’d have to do is run, so rich is his cachet with the Tar Heel faithful, who comprise a bigger potential voting bloc than soccer moms and NASCAR dads put together. (Which is good, since NASCAR dads couldn’t get Richard Petty elected Secretary of State in 1996, nor could the soccer moms prevent Mia Hamm from marrying Nomar Garciaparra. ‘Cause that should have required a vote, right?)

With the North Carolina primary coming up next week, one candidate was smart enough to try to tap into that voter base. Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL, in case you’ve been living under a rock) showed up in Chapel Hill early yesterday morning to play pickup with Psycho T and his Funky Bunch while Roy Williams watched from the sidelines. Which kind of makes it a coach-observed scrimmage. Which kind of makes it a NCAA rules viola … oh, bother:

“This was a unique situation and not an NCAA issue,” NCAA media relations director Erik Christianson said in an e-mail message to The News & Observer on Tuesday. “It certainly was a great opportunity for the student-athletes to interact with a presidential candidate.”

Dammit - the one time we WANT the NCAA to be nitpicky, overly-sensitive, by-the-books dweebs, they actually recognize a situation for what it is! But realistically, yeah, it was just a pick up game. We can’t blame Obama for using his notoriety to get a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity most would kill for. But it certainly didn’t constitute an endorsement or anything, right?

Williams, who watched the play from a chair on the sideline, called out at one point: “You’ve got the future president of the United States wide open.”

Ahem.

(more…)

Smile while you can, Johnny.

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
If You Love Something, Set It Free

When word first broke that Johnny Dawkins would be the new head coach at Stanford, we wondered when the weather changed in Durham. Dawkins has long been considered Coack K’s consigliare and logical successor when he retires. Had something changed? Had Chris Collins or Steve Wojchichowski passed him in the eyes of their shared mentor? Was Johnny taking a graceful exit while the gettin’ was good? Not according to Stanford’s AD Bob Bowlsby:

Bowlsby said one of the first people he spoke to about the open job at Stanford was Krzyzewski and that he asked Krzyzewski about both Dawkins, who was Krzyzewski’s right-hand man for 11 seasons, and Duke assistant Steve Wojciechowski.

“At that time, Coach Krzyzewski said that Johnny was a likely successor to him [at Duke],” Bowlsby said. (HT: Fanhouse)

That’s right - the Pac-10, where ACC assistants are sent to gain head coaching experience before they take real jobs back home in the Cackolack!

Some people on the Stanford beat don’t think this is such a great match for either party, and we understand and even second their concerns. (Color us nervous about another Duke assistant flopping as a head coach, especially the presumptive heir to the throne.) But Johnny D is a talented Xs and Os guy who is used to working under academic restrictions, so Stanford could have done a lot worse.

SLIPPING OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
Screw You Guys, I’m Going Home

Homesickness? Frustration with a coach? Inability to find decent eats or trim in the D.C. Metro Area? Whatever the reason, two perplexing transfers over the last week - Vernon Macklin leaving Georgetown, and Shane Walker leaving Maryland. While neither player put up monster stats this past season, both were poised to become major contributors in their respective front courts in 2008-2009 - if they had the stones to deal with a little competition from incoming freshmen. To be fair, though, Walker is British, so we can forgive him for being frustrated and confused by a meritocracy - or, for that matter, for wanting to get the hell out of College Park.

TWIDDLING THUMBS
Because It’s a Long Offseason

Even though the national championship game was only three weeks ago, we already feel the cold, dead hand of summer touching us in all the wrong places. Midnight Madness won’t start for another five months, and until college football kicks off in August, all we have to keep us warm are the NHL and NBA playoffs and, after June, nothing but baseball. (Unlike Orson, we actually enjoy baseball, but in the same way we enjoy hummus - fine as a small bite before a real meal, annoyingly bland as the only offering on the table. Needless to say, we don’t enjoy the summer months.)

We’ll do our best to keep busy around these parts - humor pieces, draft coverage, maybe a little bit of recruiting news if we are feeling particularly evil, and plenty of hate mongering. Got a tip, question, or snide remark? Email us here. (We’ll add a link to the sidebar soon.) Right now, though, we’re preparing for the last set of final exams we’ll hopefully ever take - which, of course, means we’re trying to figure out what to do with all of our newfound free time. Which leads to debates like this:

Reeeeeemix!

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT

Second Verse, Same as the First

Honestly, we could cut and paste everything we wrote yesterday about Providence hiring Keno Davis, replacing “Providence” with “Oklahoma State”, “Keno Davis” with “Travis Ford”, “Big East” with “Big XII”, and … OK, that’s just a lot of replacements, so we’ll write something new.

Obviously, T. Boone Pickens (who should really go by T-Bone) wanted to land a name, and a name he landed, with the added bonus that Ford turned down two big conference jobs in the past few weeks before accepting this one. T-Bone likes it when you make his dick … erm, his alma mater … look bigger than it actually is. We find ourselves wondering, though - why didn’t the Cowboys go after Davis? Had Ford not already turned down the Providence job, we would suggest that Ford and Davis swap new jobs to stay within their recruiting territories. In fact, we’ll suggest that anyway.

No doubt that UMass to Okie State is a step up, but Ford will need to win and win fast. Pickens barely let Sean Sutton last two years, and Sutton had the advantages of a) being an alum and b) being the son of a school legend. Past service as Rick Pitino’s bucket boy won’t help Ford here.

NEXT YEAR’S ONE YEAR WONDERS

Who said anything about academics?

Just as another freshman announces his intent to head to the pros after one year in college, news came out of Philadelphia yesterday that Tyreke Evans, one of the top recruits available this year (#6 Rivals, #4 Scouts), would sign with Memphis. Except he didn’t. Evans announced his decision to “attend” Memphis, but put off signing a LOI for a little while - presumably to ensure that John Calipari doesn’t bolt for the NBA.

Over at The Dagger, MJD ponders why Evans chose Memphis over hometown Villanova, showing that Evans was interested in getting out of Chester after witnessing a gang-related murder. On the list of good non-academic/athletic reasons to attend one school over another, “not wanting to get shot” ranks high. Good luck to Evans with the Tigers.

And Because I Know You Are Wondering, Too …

While we are admittedly afraid to dip our toe into the murky water that is recruiting, we always say “in for a penny, in for a pound”. With that - Scouts’ and Rivals’ Top Classes of 2008 as of the end of the early signing period back in November. Both sites say that the rankings wouldn’t shift much in the spring due to so many top players signing early, so these are good to go for now.

We give these rankings with no commentary or insight at this time. Well, except for … Florida State? Really? And we thought the Harvard kerfluffle was just Brian Cook making shit up. Scouts actually ranked them #25? What’s next, Duke signing a big man? (We kid, we kid - that will never happen.)

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

Having been all business and no play up to this point, we feel an obligation to bring you awkward Japanese reality show dancing. That’s just how we do.

Where posterization happens.

THE GAMES EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT

Country 1, Hollywood 0
Memphis 78, UCLA 63

We’re guessing that whatever team ends up drafting Kevin Love in a few months will wish that this picture didn’t exist. With just under five minutes to go and UCLA fighting back against a seven-point Memphis lead, Chris Douglas-Roberts (or CDR, because apparently everyone needs an abbreviation) ran a perfect backdoor cut and slammed the ball down onto UCLA wunderkind Kevin Love. If we were Gregg Easterbrook, we would have written “game over” in our notebook. As we are not (and thank God), we enjoyed another delicious bite of honey chicken and resumed conversation with our family.

A nip-and-tuck game throughout the first half, Memphis pulled away early in the second half and never looked back. Both Sadie and Jamie were correct last week - the battle in the paint determined the outcome. We were just surprised that it was Memphis and Joey Dorsey that won that battle.

And Now Kansas Really Doesn’t Give a Damn About North Carolina
Kansas 84, North Carolina 66

In this game’s waning moments, Jim Nantz and Billy Packer described the match as “a play in three acts.” We think Jim was getting a little overdramatic, perhaps in preparation for the Masters this coming weekend. The better analogy was to a debate between two moody mean girls:

First 15 Minutes
Kansas [models in mirror]: I’m fierce!
Carolina [gorges on Doritos]: I’m a hiefer!
Result: Kansas 40-12.

Second 15 Minutes
Kansas [cries into pillow]: Why did he leave me?
Carolina [shoves pins into voodoo doll]: Serves you right, bitch.
Result: Carolina 38-14.

Final 10 Minutes
Kansas [beams as it applies blush]: He still loves me!
Carolina [gobbles antidepressants]: I hate you, God! I hate you! I wish I were dead!
Result: Kansas 30-16.

And everyone lived happily ever after. And, yes, we were visiting our teenage cousins this weekend. How did you guess?

Stockholm Syndrome!

THE GAME EVERYONE NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT

Alright, We Give Up - We Love It
Bradley 83, Tulsa 74

After careful consideration … and the prospect of no more college hoops until November … we’ve been turned around on the College Basketball Invitational. We were initially skeptical since the abject goal of the tournament was to make money off exhibition games, and the sham justification offered was, “Hey, more teams would kill to play in the postseason, even if its completely lame and no one watches!” (Which describes many regular season games as well, FWIW.) We fought against this load of crap, until sleep deprivation and a family sized bag of Funyuns forced us to accept that while their argument was a sham, it was also correct.

Players and coaches, as a general rule, enjoy games. Fans enjoy attending games. And no one is tying the rest of us down and forcing us to watch, so we can’t think of a person who is being harmed by another post-season tournament, even if we all have to admit that it’s kind of ridiculous on its face. Plus, we remembered that we like people making money. (Well, everyone but the noble amateur student-athlete, of course.)

So, Bradley and Tulsa, we embrace your battle to determine which of you is #98 - especially since you seem determined to keep your season going as long as possible. Faced with elimination at home, Bradley rushed out to a 14-point lead in the first half, then held on for the win.

OTHER HEADLINES, JUST FOR KICKS

This Doesn’t Bode Well: Memphis has suspended backup guard Andre Allen for this weekend’s games. As we covered with Sadie yesterday, Allen was a key part of Memphis’ plan to defend Darren Collison and Russell Westbrook. Plus … you know, Calipari has never had a reputation for having a quick hand with punishment, especially when the stakes are high. So our guess is there is more to this.

The Offseason Starts Early: We have no intention to do a Fulmer Cup-style tracking of all the offseason legal transgressions in college basketball (mostly because - Christ, we don’t know how Orson does it, either.) But this was too good to pass up - Penn State guard Stanley Pringle was masturbating in a library. Now, we’re not saying that such library activity is necessarily wrong - everything has a time and inappropriate place - but Pringle started the jackin’ while actively trying to engage a woman in conversation, so it’s a little more funny “oh shit” than funny “ha ha”. But we just … can’t … resist …

Once you pop, you can’t stop - even in the face of arrest.

Now with more Buckeye flavor!

THE GAME EVERYONE SOMEONE? IS TALKING ABOUT

So Much for the Repeat
Ohio State 81, Ole Miss 69
UMass 78, Florida 66

We can’t even pretend to be excited about the NIT. Such excitement, however, is what we are paid to do (and by “paid”, we mean “spared from Orson’s mighty whip”), so some quick takeaway thoughts from the games:

1) No rematch between OSU and Florida - which as we covered last week, would have mattered just as much as Roy Williams playing Kansas again, since approximately the same number of players were around for each of the previous rounds of those battles.

2) We really respect the fans that turn out of the NIT games, making the trip to MSG for the finals. While we were at Georgetown, the Hoyas were stuck in NIT purgatory for a few years - and we’ll be damned if we didn’t tune those teams out as soon as Selection Sunday came and passed. We’re impressed by the fans whose loyalty extends beyond disappointment and follows their team straight into the mouth of oblivion.

3) Hahahahaha - SEC iz Da suckz!! (Really? No. But it’s fun to say, no?)

4) For reasons we cannot begin to explain, we think UMass will beat tOSU tomorrow night.

AND NOW, ONTO MORE FUN TOPICS

Not So Much with the Pillaging, Fellas …

What happens in Mexico apparently must stay in Mexico, until diplomats intervene or charges are cleared. Two Portland State players were hauled into a Mexican jail after one beat the snot out of a fellow American tourist while the other fled the scene. We enjoy this - two American college students are involved in battery against a fellow American college student, but because they do it at a Mexican resort, they will get to be a punchline for years months some indeterminate time.

Just to confirm, young high school recruits when you sign on to play with a team, do not attempt to emulate their mascot. Fellow PSU players now stand on notice that raping and pillaging are strongly discouraged. Centenary players … well, same rule, but don’t feel like you have to tuck the shirts in.

Hardy har har, funny men
The boys at PTI decided to open yesterday’s show with a patently obvious April Fool’s prank. The joke wasn’t terribly funny - sure, tug at our heartstrings - but we appreciated the effort all the same for the unintentional comedy. (Don’t sue, Simmons!)

Further, it confirmed out belief that you could come up with a topic off the top of your head, hand it to Tony and Mike, and the exact same debate would occur regardless: Factual description, Wilbon defends “his boys”, Tony sounds old, Wilbon makes half-informed point that sounds fully-informed because he’s Mike Wilbon, Tony makes crass remark and/or does penguin dance. Why, yes, as a matter of fact, we aren’t sure why we watch this everyday still either!

Motor City Dust Bowl Basketball!

THE GAME EVERYONE NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT

Tulsa is Champion! Something!
Tulsa 73, Bradley 68

Conference USA fans, we owe you a distinct apology. We’ve bashed your conference from the moment we started writing for this here blog. But now, it appears that was all in haste, for CUSA’s own Tulsa Golden Hurricane (do not confuse with Broken Arrow Golden Shower) has clinched a championship by beating the Bradley Braves last night!

[receives a note from off stage left - pauses, and clears throat]

Excuse us - we heard “One Shining Moment” and thought there people were playing in a tournament that actually mattered. Instead, Tulsa continues to play in the College Basketball Invitational, a tournament known only to us, its owners, the fans of the home team, and creepy message board trollers in Rolla, Missouri. And further, their win clinches nothing, since CBI uses a three-game series to crown its champion. Sorry for the confusion. CUSA, go back in a corner and think about what you’ve done - trying to fool us like that. Makes us want to call in that golden shower for you.

(more…)

THE GAME EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT

Atlantic 10 Claims Victory; Usage of Name “Big East”
Xavier 79, West Virginia 75 (OT)

This was the game of the night, but it wasn’t terribly fun to watch. Each team spent one half on fire at both ends of the court, and each team spent one half flailing about like a two-year-old in the ball room at Chuck E. Cheese. (We like this concept - five enormous gentleman crammed into a clown car-esque space, throwing balls wildly at one another while clumsily shuffling around and giggling in delirium.)

We talked about this more in our liveblog last night, but Xavier was able to win down the stretch entirely thanks to their long-range shooting abilities (11 of 19 overall, 3 of 3 in OT) and in spite of their free throw shooting abilities (12 of 21 overall, 2 of 6 in OT). This isn’t a good recipe for Saturday, when UCLA and their “we’re the best team when we feel like it” squad come to town.

TWO OTHER STORYLINES, JUST FOR KICKS

Even Better Than Free Laundry

So, the administration of Davidson picked up the tab for any student who wanted to travel to Detroit for their game against Wisconsin tonight. And, while we rarely recommend going to Detwaah for any reason, we have spent many nights in Davidson, N.C. Wildcat faithful, we hope all of your asses are on these buses just for the excitement of a venue change. (Seriously, guys, don’t worry - we promise that if you leave a note to UPS on your whiteboard, they’ll leave your latest J.Crew shipment at your door and you can rock your new chinos on Monday.)

Basketball: Now With Risk of Crippling Injury!

(more…)