Fitting news for the day that we licked the stamp on the final exam of our academic career: the NCAA ratted out the college basketball programs with the same approach to academics as us. Forty-six Division I basketball programs failed to achieve a passing APR score 925 (because that’s a passing score that makes sense, no matter what the scale).

Many are only subject to a “public notice” penalty, which from all we can tell is somewhere between a few days in the stockades and the online equivalent of a wagging finger. Stephen Colbert approves.

But for a dozen or so schools, including a handful of teams from this year’s NCAA tournament, headlined by Tennessee, their low APR score means they will lose scholarships. The Vols will lose one free ride, which is convenient since they just booted two scholarship players from the team. No word on the other offenders. (We meant the other schools, but you didn’t know for a second there, did ya? Go Vols!)

Proudly, none of the institutions we have attended landed on the big list of fail - but for those that did, we offer the following as a public service announcement:

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
End of Semester Rules at Chapel Hill

As seen yesterday at Rush the Court with 850 the Buzz, some Carolina basketball players spent the end of the semester blowing off some steam earlier this week with a little roof hopping. Now, it was enough for Ol’ Roy that his presumptive starting point guard for next year, Bobby Fraser, was diving from two stories up when he is supposed to be rehabbing his knee. But we have to imagine that seeing his All-American take the high-gravity dip would send him into a tizzy:

For Tyler’s sake, we hope the pool is filled with Chi Omega girls.

In case yesterday’s conversation with his brother didn’t do it for you, that picture above is all the evidence you need of why Psycho T is staying in college as long as he can. (HT for the photo to the Deadspin commenters, you profane bunch of cellar dwellers.)

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By now, you have assuredly heard of the kerfluffle on Costas Now on Tuesday night - Buzz Bissinger, he of the Pulitzer Prize for investigative reporting and the best-seller and best-fucking-football-book-ever in Friday Night Lights, went on the offensive against blogs, and we mean offensive in the most literal way.

I would repost the YouTube video, but Awful Announcing went through the trouble of collecting it and deserves the hits, so please go over to his site to see both Costas’ introduction to the segment and the roundtable “discussion” itself. Come on back when you’re done.

So, just to be clear - Bissinger says that bloggers: (1) are full of shit, (2) dedicated to cruelty, (3) professionally dishonest, (4) dedicated to speed, (5) uneducated and poorly read, (6) unable to evoke a moment, (7) causing the complete dumbing down of our society, (8) have a disgusting voice, and (9) contribute nothing to sports discourse.

He then attacks Will Leitch with cherry-picked evidence and scant knowledge of Leitch’s actual writing. He curses up a storm, ends up fuming and frustrated, having done little besides scream his opinion and sneer at Leitch. In other words … (1), (2), (3), (4), (5), (6), (7), (8), and (9). Nice job, Buzz.

Beyond Leitch’s simple but polite defense of blogging on the air, there have been numerous, truly thoughtful posts in response to Bissinger’s attacks on the medium. Leitch penned his own after appearing on the broadcast. Michael Schur of FJM did the same. Shanoff defends his brethren. Awful Announcing had words on top of the video. And our own blogfather has a response in two parts over at the mothership and The Sporting Blog.

We have nowhere near the qualifications of these fine gentlemen, seeing as how we’ve kept up residence in these quarters for a scant two months. (Plus, unlike the linked authors, we still cling to our relative anonymity for professional concerns, as we fall into Orson’s Group 5 and we haven’t had “The Talk” with our firm yet.) So we’ll let their words stand for now.

The thesis statement of all is simple, though - the Buzz Bissingers of the world notwithstanding, blogging is doing just fine. It is not journalism, nor does it pretend to be. It is commentary from the perspective of people who watch and read about the sports, but don’t have the privilege of talking to them while they stand naked in the locker room. If said commentary is funny, it will get readers. If it is not, it will not.

And to that end, since we want readers, we will return to the pursuit of funny with our next post. Enjoy.

In a Chapel Hill apartment house, around 3am…

Psycho T: [on the phone] I don’t know what to do, Dad. Do I go pro? Do I stay here?

[chewing noises]

Gene Hansbrough: Andrew Tyler, are you eating a got-damn puppy again?

Psycho T: …..yes.

Papa H: Put that shit down. It’s not good for you, especially at this hour.

Psycho T: But it’s the only thing I can eat when I’m upset like this!

Papa H: That’s just pathetic. You think that if you go to the NBA, teams are just gonna put a puppy mill next to your house like they did in Chapel Hill?

Psycho T: [thinks for a long second] Yes?

(more…)

Take the money and run.

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
Off on the Road to Rhode Island

After getting turned down by (seemingly) everyone and their brother, including UMass’ Travis Ford and George Mason’s Jim Larranaga, Providence College announced yesterday that they had poached Keno Davis, the 2008 AP Coach of the Year, from Drake.

The legal term for this is “huge f’in save.” We’ve seen a program get an excellent candidate after public swings and misses - see: Alabama (2007) and Michigan (2008) football coaching searches. But that is football, and Bama and UM are Bama and UM, and have the gravitational pull of black holes - even if they miss one star, they are sure to suck in another. This is basketball, where coaches in small conferences have far more opportunities to succeed than their brothers in the fall - and Providence is no guaranteed ticket to fame.

Will the gamble work for PC? Probably not. Davis has only been a head coach for one year, and spent his entire career as a player and assistant in the Midwest, and thus brings no relevant recruiting base to the Friars. In the dog-eat-crap Big East, he’ll be waiting for the scraps of more big programs (and other small programs from the A-10, like URI up the road) than he was in the Valley. Even the best coaches can’t succeed in the Big East without Grade A talent. We wish Davis luck (though not too much - he can finish 2nd to the Hoyas any year he wants), but we aren’t holding our breath.

HYPERBOLE GONE WILD
DBR Defends Krzyzewski, Patriotism, Puppies

The fine folks over at Duke Basketball Report published a retort to a New York Times story regarding Coach K’s statements regarding the US Olympic team’s place in the current political debate regarding Beijing and human rights:

Sometimes, through a performance you show more than by what you say. This is a tremendous opportunity to show camaraderie as teammates, serve as the ultimate example of people working together.

NYT says Coach K is in naive loony land. DBR says he recognizes that the best role the team can serve is as a quiet (hopefully successful) model of what is good, rather than a loud model of what we think is good. DBR is much closer to the ball, we think … but they we have to get off the bus when DBR makes the following analogies:

There are a couple of precedents for this: first of all, Jesse Owens, who just humiliated Adolf Hitler (we originally had Rupp here, which has to be our best typo of the year) when he tried to use the Olympics for his own ends. And secondly, the Czech water polo team, which pretty literally beat the everloving crap out of the Soviet team following the Soviet invasion of Czechoslovakia after the Czechs had the audacity to challenge the power structure the Soviets imposed on Eastern Europe following World War II.

We love the guys at DBR - really, they do a fine job covering the team, players, coaches and alums. But … this is a little much, guys.

DBR: Making Duke fans sound like, well, Duke fans.

THE STORIES NO ONE CARES ABOUT
Players Leave for NBA Who Everyone Knew Would Leave for NBA

Derrick Rose. O.J. Mayo. Michael Beasley. Thanks for your one year stay in college, guys.

We agree with Bobby Knight that these one-hit wonders make an even bigger joke out of the “student” part of “student-athlete”. We wonder how these guys approached spring classes, knowing they wouldn’t return for a second year. Did the professors admit they would mail it in? Did they even bother attending? Or did they go to scout for trim?

A SERIOUS WORD
You Are The Pride of V.P.I.

Our distrust and dislike for all things Hokie is documented and still stands. But we set down the Hatorade for a moment to wish everyone down in Blacksburg a peaceful day.

Shouldn’t … be … this … winded …

Odd news coming out of Starkville today - Ben Hansbrough, the sophomore guard for the Bulldogs and younger brother of Carolina star Psycho T, announced he will transfer away from Mississippi State at the end of this semester.

What, pray tell, would convince a young man to leave a big conference (O: ESS-EEE-SEE!) program when a) he was a starter who averaged double digits in points, and b) his team not only made the tournament, but won a game this year? Apparently, we’re talking about practice:

In an interview with the Clarion-Ledger Tuesday, Hansbrough said the lack of a dedicated practice facility influenced his decision.

“That has a lot to do with it right there, just that simple stuff right there,” he said. “As simple as that may sound, that’s a huge thing.”

We understand that some other schools have much better practice facilities, Ben … not to mention that an NBA salary can buy a pretty sweet gym for you as a Christmas gift. But we think we know the real reason Ben is leaving - he’s prepared to join his brother in Hollywood to create the best brother act in show biz since the Stallone brothers warmed all of our hearts with their meathead antics.

In a few short years …

On the heels of our scathing review of the quality of the Indiana program this morning, breaking news this evening out of Bloomington - Indiana has reached an agreement with Marquette’s Tom Crean to become the next head coach of the Hoosiers. (Link goes to Yahoo! Sports, if only because tWWL pulled the same “Well, we actually had it first, but we embargoed it - promise!” crap as always.)

Instant analysis - this is a tremendous hire by Indiana. Crean has earned (and we choose our word carefully there) a rock solid reputation in his nine years in Milwaukee. Reinvigorating a long-dormant basketball school and fan base? Check. Recruiting above his weight class? Check. Nine winning records in nine seasons and a Final Four appearance? Check and check. Survived (and thrived) with a move to a much tougher conference? Check. Perhaps most important of all - a squeaky clean record? Major, major, absolutely necessary check.

Crean brings this reputation to a hurting Bloomington, and the announcement today helps clean up the mess left by both Sampson and his fill-in Dakich. IU now stands a chance of retaining their recruits, and avoiding basketball purgatory for the next two years.

As for Marquette - gentlemen, welcome to the cellar of the Big East. We have a tough time believing that MU will find a coach as good as Crean within their budget - but we suppose they struck gold with a young assistant before, and we have to imagine that will happen again.

Carousel - a term tossed around to describe movement in the coaching labor market, but why? Upon further review, it’s oddly accurate - constantly in motion until some pimpled, power hungry AD teenager throws off the gears, needlessly detailed, exciting to kids and their parents while alternatively boring and creepy to everyone else. Properly cited, we’ll pick up the nomme d’art and talk about the school’s who lack the courtesy to save their coaching news for next week when we have nothing else to write about.

After bolting Iowa for the calmer … plateaus? … of New Mexico, Steve Alford was rewarded Monday with a three-year extension with the Lobos, putting him under contract through 2016. All of this for one season of work that got the Lobos to 24-9 and a first round loss in the NIT. When notified of the extension, Charlie Weis nodded his head with approval. Combined with Herb Sendek’s desert revival at Arizona State after leaving the boobirds in Raleigh, one has to think there is something to the whole “life is easier in the Southwest” theory, even amongst the coaching ranks. Outlook: Sunny, even with those killer cacti.

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Motor City Dust Bowl Basketball!

THE GAME EVERYONE NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT

Tulsa is Champion! Something!
Tulsa 73, Bradley 68

Conference USA fans, we owe you a distinct apology. We’ve bashed your conference from the moment we started writing for this here blog. But now, it appears that was all in haste, for CUSA’s own Tulsa Golden Hurricane (do not confuse with Broken Arrow Golden Shower) has clinched a championship by beating the Bradley Braves last night!

[receives a note from off stage left - pauses, and clears throat]

Excuse us - we heard “One Shining Moment” and thought there people were playing in a tournament that actually mattered. Instead, Tulsa continues to play in the College Basketball Invitational, a tournament known only to us, its owners, the fans of the home team, and creepy message board trollers in Rolla, Missouri. And further, their win clinches nothing, since CBI uses a three-game series to crown its champion. Sorry for the confusion. CUSA, go back in a corner and think about what you’ve done - trying to fool us like that. Makes us want to call in that golden shower for you.

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We’re fully aware that it was college basketball’s biggest weekend. We watched as much of it as we could - we’re just kind of in the middle of some stuff. Not “ugly divorce” level stuff, just “haven’t slept more than three hours a night in the last week because work has taken over at the worst possible time” stuff. So, trust us - as badly as you want more posts, we want to be writing them. (Or, maybe you just want to complain for more posts. We don’t always understand.) Then again, I suppose we could have pulled a Brian Cook and pretended our heads were buried in the sand for a couple of days thanks to the easter eggs laid by the Devils and Hoyas.

Anyway - in the meantime, a bit of sorta kinda news for you: the NCAA sent out a release late Sunday to clarify that Texas A&M only lost to UCLA by two, not four as originally reported. Considering the game time line was about 10.5 points, not even gamblers care about this news. But don’t let that stop the Aggies, who will go their graves thinking that UCLA got away with a foul in the closing seconds. (They are right, but let’s not encourage them.)

When asked for comment about the loss and, ya know, end of their team’s season, A&M students responded the only way they know how:

(HT: Dave.)

We hesitate to call this a “liveblog”, since that seems to be all the rage and we’re tragically unhip. But we’re all watching these games, we’re all eatin’ some snacks and drinkin’ some drank, and we all have opinions. So let this post (and those that follow) be your virtual couch, and let the comment board be your virtual way to tell us that we’re idiots. We wouldn’t want it any other way. Oh, and don’t forget your old friend March Madness on Demand - we’re relying on it to get us through the one class we’re thinking about going to today.

Just Alt-Tab through, and you’ll be fine.

7:00 - Finally, here is the lineup with evening games, in order of scheduled tip-off:

MIDWEST: (6) USC vs. (11) Kansas State (in Omaha)
WEST: (2) Duke vs. (15) Belmont (in Washington, D.C.)
EAST: (4) Washington State vs. (13) Winthrop (in Denver)
WEST: (8) Brigham Young vs. (9) Texas A&M (in Anaheim)
MIDWEST: (3) Wisconsin vs. (14) Cal-State Fullerton (in Omaha)
WEST: (7) West Virginia vs. (10) Arizona (in Washington, D.C.)
EAST: (5) Notre Dame vs. (12) George Mason (in Denver)
WEST: (1) UCLA vs. (16) Mississippi Valley State (in Anaheim)

Our posting will be non-existent from this point on, since we kind of have a show to run. But we hope those of you watching at home will keep the updates coming - that’s what the comments are for. We’ll catch you at the end of the night’s games, and we’ll be recapping the evening games tomorrow morning.

We hesitate to call this a “liveblog”, since that seems to be all the rage and we’re tragically unhip. But we’re all watching these games, we’re all eatin’ some snacks and drinkin’ some drank, and we all have opinions. So let this post (and those that follow) be your virtual coach, and let the comment board be your virtual way to tell us that we’re idiots. We wouldn’t want it any other way. Oh, and don’t forget your old friend March Madness on Demand - we’re relying on it to get us through the one class we’re thinking about going to today.

Just Alt-Tab through, and you’ll be fine.

2:40 - And now, for the late afternoon games:

SOUTH: (6) Marquette vs. (11) Kentucky
SOUTH: (4) Pittsburgh vs. (13) Oral Roberts
WEST: (6) Purdue vs. (11) Baylor
MIDWEST: (8) UNLV vs. (9) Kent State

As a warning, there will be a gap in this blog - I forgot two things: my computer is dying, and I have a softball game at 3:30. So we’ll all float on anyway …

(more…)

We hesitate to call this a “liveblog”, since that seems to be all the rage and we’re tragically unhip. But we’re all watching these games, we’re all eatin’ some snacks and drinkin’ some drank, and we all have opinions. So let this post (and those that follow) be your virtual coach, and let the comment board be your virtual way to tell us that we’re idiots. We wouldn’t want it any other way. Oh, and don’t forget your old friend March Madness on Demand - we’re relying on it to get us through the one class we’re thinking about going to today.

Just Alt-Tab through, and you’ll be fine.

12:15 - Let’s get this started - today’s early games:

MIDWEST: (1) Kansas vs. (16) Portland State
SOUTH: (5) Michigan State vs. (12) Temple
WEST: (3) Xavier vs. (14) Geogia
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THE GAME EVERYONE TALKED ABOUT (SORT OF)

Slim Pickin’s Today
#14 Butler 70, Cleveland State 55

The fact that this game gets top billing is all the evidence you need that last night was not a great night for college basketball, as all the major conferences sat on the sidelines for a second straight night before their tournaments begin. Ain’t no party like a Horizon League party … we guess.

Really, we have no material to work with here. In true Midwestern form, Butler is talented, well-coached, and totally non-descript. They play in Indianapolis. Their mascot is the Bulldog. Their white boys still think breakdancing makes them cool. Their leading scorer’s name is Mike Green, for God’s sake. Just nothing to work with. So that means that, against the wishes of our Ohio-bound family, we are forced to make a Cleveland joke.

Burn on, Big River.

THE GAME YOU SHOULD HAVE WATCHED INSTEAD

No game here, but rather the heartening news that Coach Wooden is out of the hospital and into a rehab facility. Of course, Coach Wooden is old and we know he won’t be around forever. But his presence at the Pauley Pavilion is one of the truly great things in sports - the founder of a monarchy benevolently looking down upon the kingdom that he built without feeling the need to retain authority over it. And if finally kicking that crystal meth habit will keep him coming a little longer, then we say keep comin’ back, Coach Wooden - better later than never.

FOUR TOURNAMENTS WORTH ONE LINE APIECE

Big West - Lumberjacks and Vikings chop down squads from Idaho; clean cut Mormon crews overpowered by neck beards, body odor, and lust for pillaging.

MEAC - When pillar institutions like Howard and Bethune-Cookman struggle at the national black pasttime, what does it mean for the future cultural relevancy of HBCUs?

Summit - Get ready for more blowjob jokes!

Sun Belt - A WKU tournament crown can only mean one thing - more Big Red.

Tux’d up and ready for all ‘dem hos.

The regular season isn’t even over yet, and already the coaching carousel is underway: news comes out of Little Rock this morning that ne’er-do-well Arkansas State has held preliminary talks with Nolan Richardson for the former Razorback coach to come on board as coach of the Indians Red Wolves.

We understand the push from the perspective of A-State - bring in a guy with huge positive name recognition in state for fans and recruits alike. But we don’t get the motivation for Richardson. For the last three years, he’s been living the high life in retirement as the head coach of basketball-third-world national teams, first in Panama and now in Mexico.

Just because the conference says “Sun Belt” doesn’t mean that this is a lateral move back into D-I basketball, Nolan. Go get yourself another margarita, find yourself a girl, and try not to accuse anyone of racial animus along the way to the beach.

(HT: Yoco.)