No horns here - promise!

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
On Getting Off Lawns and Turning Down Music

Levels of pain for coaches when recruits defect:

Bad: “I just want to be closer to home.” A lie, but a plausible lie that has nothing (publically) to do with the coach.
Worse: “I think I’ll be a better fit elsewhere.” Closer to the truth, with a mild jab at the coach and his system.
Worst: “I feel they’ve lied to me all along about the situation.” Dead-on honest, with a laser sight on the man in charge.

Such is life in Arizona, where Lute Olson continues to give the Bobby Bowden treatment to the program he brought to national prominence. Emmanuel Negedu, a forward from Nigeria and Top-40 recruit, asked out of his LOI to Arizona, citing the … well, the batshit-craziness of the program right now, even after receiving a person visit from Olson begging him to stay.

U of A’s AD will decide today whether or not to release Negedu from his commitment - which he should, unless he actually wants publicity for the family-friendly thriller he’s ghost writing, about the white man who forces a man in Africa to Arizona against his will for physical labor.

While his new assistants are singing out of the Good Graces songbook in an attempt to restore trust in the program, one has to wonder if U of A will have the same patience as Florida State with a coach who is past his sell-by date.

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This likely won’t end well.

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
Campaigning in North Cackolack The Effective Way

The old story in our home state is that if Dean Smith wanted to be Governor, all he’d have to do is run, so rich is his cachet with the Tar Heel faithful, who comprise a bigger potential voting bloc than soccer moms and NASCAR dads put together. (Which is good, since NASCAR dads couldn’t get Richard Petty elected Secretary of State in 1996, nor could the soccer moms prevent Mia Hamm from marrying Nomar Garciaparra. ‘Cause that should have required a vote, right?)

With the North Carolina primary coming up next week, one candidate was smart enough to try to tap into that voter base. Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL, in case you’ve been living under a rock) showed up in Chapel Hill early yesterday morning to play pickup with Psycho T and his Funky Bunch while Roy Williams watched from the sidelines. Which kind of makes it a coach-observed scrimmage. Which kind of makes it a NCAA rules viola … oh, bother:

“This was a unique situation and not an NCAA issue,” NCAA media relations director Erik Christianson said in an e-mail message to The News & Observer on Tuesday. “It certainly was a great opportunity for the student-athletes to interact with a presidential candidate.”

Dammit - the one time we WANT the NCAA to be nitpicky, overly-sensitive, by-the-books dweebs, they actually recognize a situation for what it is! But realistically, yeah, it was just a pick up game. We can’t blame Obama for using his notoriety to get a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity most would kill for. But it certainly didn’t constitute an endorsement or anything, right?

Williams, who watched the play from a chair on the sideline, called out at one point: “You’ve got the future president of the United States wide open.”

Ahem.

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Take the money and run.

THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT
Off on the Road to Rhode Island

After getting turned down by (seemingly) everyone and their brother, including UMass’ Travis Ford and George Mason’s Jim Larranaga, Providence College announced yesterday that they had poached Keno Davis, the 2008 AP Coach of the Year, from Drake.

The legal term for this is “huge f’in save.” We’ve seen a program get an excellent candidate after public swings and misses - see: Alabama (2007) and Michigan (2008) football coaching searches. But that is football, and Bama and UM are Bama and UM, and have the gravitational pull of black holes - even if they miss one star, they are sure to suck in another. This is basketball, where coaches in small conferences have far more opportunities to succeed than their brothers in the fall - and Providence is no guaranteed ticket to fame.

Will the gamble work for PC? Probably not. Davis has only been a head coach for one year, and spent his entire career as a player and assistant in the Midwest, and thus brings no relevant recruiting base to the Friars. In the dog-eat-crap Big East, he’ll be waiting for the scraps of more big programs (and other small programs from the A-10, like URI up the road) than he was in the Valley. Even the best coaches can’t succeed in the Big East without Grade A talent. We wish Davis luck (though not too much - he can finish 2nd to the Hoyas any year he wants), but we aren’t holding our breath.

HYPERBOLE GONE WILD
DBR Defends Krzyzewski, Patriotism, Puppies

The fine folks over at Duke Basketball Report published a retort to a New York Times story regarding Coach K’s statements regarding the US Olympic team’s place in the current political debate regarding Beijing and human rights:

Sometimes, through a performance you show more than by what you say. This is a tremendous opportunity to show camaraderie as teammates, serve as the ultimate example of people working together.

NYT says Coach K is in naive loony land. DBR says he recognizes that the best role the team can serve is as a quiet (hopefully successful) model of what is good, rather than a loud model of what we think is good. DBR is much closer to the ball, we think … but they we have to get off the bus when DBR makes the following analogies:

There are a couple of precedents for this: first of all, Jesse Owens, who just humiliated Adolf Hitler (we originally had Rupp here, which has to be our best typo of the year) when he tried to use the Olympics for his own ends. And secondly, the Czech water polo team, which pretty literally beat the everloving crap out of the Soviet team following the Soviet invasion of Czechoslovakia after the Czechs had the audacity to challenge the power structure the Soviets imposed on Eastern Europe following World War II.

We love the guys at DBR - really, they do a fine job covering the team, players, coaches and alums. But … this is a little much, guys.

DBR: Making Duke fans sound like, well, Duke fans.

THE STORIES NO ONE CARES ABOUT
Players Leave for NBA Who Everyone Knew Would Leave for NBA

Derrick Rose. O.J. Mayo. Michael Beasley. Thanks for your one year stay in college, guys.

We agree with Bobby Knight that these one-hit wonders make an even bigger joke out of the “student” part of “student-athlete”. We wonder how these guys approached spring classes, knowing they wouldn’t return for a second year. Did the professors admit they would mail it in? Did they even bother attending? Or did they go to scout for trim?

A SERIOUS WORD
You Are The Pride of V.P.I.

Our distrust and dislike for all things Hokie is documented and still stands. But we set down the Hatorade for a moment to wish everyone down in Blacksburg a peaceful day.

INDIANAPOLIS (AP) - In response to demands from coaches and fans of college basketball, as well as rising rancor from media coverage of the sport, the NCAA promised that it would make changes to the way in which college basketball chooses its national champion starting in 2009.

“We didn’t want to throw away seventy years of tradition on a whim, but tension against the tournament-style format has been building for years,” said NCAA President Myles Brand on Monday morning after a three-hour meeting with university presidents. “Ultimately, we think that it is time that college basketball came into agreement with our other major revenue sport so that the fans can finally be satisfied with end-of-season matchups that are both satisfying and will conclusively determine the best team in the sport.”

The new Poll of Objective and Observable Percentages (POOP) system*, designed by ACC Commissioner and BCS President John Swofford and a team of trained monkeys, is based on the successful Bowl Championship Series used in Division I-A football. Teams will be rated on a weekly basis, starting Jan. 1 of each year / season. The rankings will take into account three factors: the team’s rank in the Ratings Percentage Index (RPI), the team’s rank in the ESPN/USA Today Coaches’ Poll, and the team’s average rating across eight computer-based ranking systems. Each of these three sources will be treated equally, and the average of the three values will constitute the team’s straight POOP score.

“Our hope is that by using POOP to determine who plays for the national championship, rather than the current haphazard system of the NCAA tournament, we’ll be able to restore some normalcy to the proceedings,” said Swofford. “I mean, the whole March Madness name is a double-edged sword, ya know?”
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Stockholm Syndrome!

THE GAME EVERYONE NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT

Alright, We Give Up - We Love It
Bradley 83, Tulsa 74

After careful consideration … and the prospect of no more college hoops until November … we’ve been turned around on the College Basketball Invitational. We were initially skeptical since the abject goal of the tournament was to make money off exhibition games, and the sham justification offered was, “Hey, more teams would kill to play in the postseason, even if its completely lame and no one watches!” (Which describes many regular season games as well, FWIW.) We fought against this load of crap, until sleep deprivation and a family sized bag of Funyuns forced us to accept that while their argument was a sham, it was also correct.

Players and coaches, as a general rule, enjoy games. Fans enjoy attending games. And no one is tying the rest of us down and forcing us to watch, so we can’t think of a person who is being harmed by another post-season tournament, even if we all have to admit that it’s kind of ridiculous on its face. Plus, we remembered that we like people making money. (Well, everyone but the noble amateur student-athlete, of course.)

So, Bradley and Tulsa, we embrace your battle to determine which of you is #98 - especially since you seem determined to keep your season going as long as possible. Faced with elimination at home, Bradley rushed out to a 14-point lead in the first half, then held on for the win.

OTHER HEADLINES, JUST FOR KICKS

This Doesn’t Bode Well: Memphis has suspended backup guard Andre Allen for this weekend’s games. As we covered with Sadie yesterday, Allen was a key part of Memphis’ plan to defend Darren Collison and Russell Westbrook. Plus … you know, Calipari has never had a reputation for having a quick hand with punishment, especially when the stakes are high. So our guess is there is more to this.

The Offseason Starts Early: We have no intention to do a Fulmer Cup-style tracking of all the offseason legal transgressions in college basketball (mostly because - Christ, we don’t know how Orson does it, either.) But this was too good to pass up - Penn State guard Stanley Pringle was masturbating in a library. Now, we’re not saying that such library activity is necessarily wrong - everything has a time and inappropriate place - but Pringle started the jackin’ while actively trying to engage a woman in conversation, so it’s a little more funny “oh shit” than funny “ha ha”. But we just … can’t … resist …

Once you pop, you can’t stop - even in the face of arrest.

Motor City Dust Bowl Basketball!

THE GAME EVERYONE NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT

Tulsa is Champion! Something!
Tulsa 73, Bradley 68

Conference USA fans, we owe you a distinct apology. We’ve bashed your conference from the moment we started writing for this here blog. But now, it appears that was all in haste, for CUSA’s own Tulsa Golden Hurricane (do not confuse with Broken Arrow Golden Shower) has clinched a championship by beating the Bradley Braves last night!

[receives a note from off stage left - pauses, and clears throat]

Excuse us - we heard “One Shining Moment” and thought there people were playing in a tournament that actually mattered. Instead, Tulsa continues to play in the College Basketball Invitational, a tournament known only to us, its owners, the fans of the home team, and creepy message board trollers in Rolla, Missouri. And further, their win clinches nothing, since CBI uses a three-game series to crown its champion. Sorry for the confusion. CUSA, go back in a corner and think about what you’ve done - trying to fool us like that. Makes us want to call in that golden shower for you.

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Hooray mediocre post-season play!

THE GAME EVERYONE NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT

Same Bad Time, Same Bad Channel
Ohio State 74, Dayton 63 (West)

We have to admit - Ohio basketball fans, we’re impressed. According to reports, Value City Arena in Columbus (and, really, is there any better city to host Value City Arena than Columbus?) was filled to capacity last night. Pretty damn good for a surprisingly good NIT Quarterfinal matchup between two schools from Central Ohio.

But that last sentence holds the key to the NIT - we’re pretty sure that we’re the only person we know who watched a nanosecond of this game. (And, in the interest of full disclosure, we have family in Central Ohio.) In the interest of saving on team travel costs and generating ticket interest, the lower tier post-season tournaments have no choice but to encourage regional matchups (though this one, of course, wasn’t planned.) But regional matchups have regional appeal, and regional appeal means no big advertising dollars, so it should surprise no one that the NIT had to be taken over by the NCAA to remain financially stable.

Meanwhile, a fun storyline that has been picked up already - with tOSU and Florida on opposite sides of the NIT Final Four (with tOSU playing Ole Miss - thanks for beating VPI, Rebs - and UF playing UMass), we could be treated to a rematch of last year’s championship game. I’ll be just like last year! Noah! Oden! Horford! Conley! Brewer! It’s the NCAA championship game on CBS The Deuce!

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To help us prepare for the upcoming tournament weekend, we’re borrowing a tradition from the mothership. Here are our buys and sells for each of the regions for this weekend’s games.

EAST REGION

Buys

Butler - We were at work on Sunday night, so when we let out a Sheila Broflovski-esque “What what what???” when we saw the Bulldogs as a #7 seed, it scared a good number of people. Then we reviewed their schedule, and we understood why - their most impressive non-conference road win is a tossup between Virginia Tech and Southern Illinois. Toss that in with the fact that they are playing another talent mid-major (South Alabama) in essentially a road game (Birmingham), and this should be a loser. But the Bulldogs have one thing that you can’t buy in the tournament, and that’s defense. They held opponents under 60 points in more than half their games this year, and nine times under 50 points. Also, their three losses are by a total of twelve points. The old adage in betting is “don’t fall for the low hanging fruit”, and I think that taking South Alabama (or, for that matter, the unfortunately-placed #2 seed Tennessee) is a little too good to be true; RPI and schedule be damned, Butler isn’t a #7 seed. Bulldogs in my Sweet 16.

Sells

Wazzu - We aren’t in the business of muckraking around here … oh, wait, that’s EXACTLY what we’re in the business of. (Sorry.) Tony Bennett is either the next coming of John Wooden, or he found a killer outline for “Beating NCAA Recruiting Rules 101″, because we have no explanation for how he’s winning in Pullman. Regardless, his team seemed to lose steam as the year went on. Yes, all of their losses were in the Pac-10 - and yes, early in the year, they beat a couple of tournament teams soundly. But we’ve watched these guys, and they seem to be held together with duct tape and shoe polish. Enter Winthrop, a regular tournament participant with a win last year under their belts. We smell an upset.

SOUTH REGION

Buys

Pittsburgh - We’re already on the record as fearing Pitt, but let’s run through the numbers - undefeated until Christmas, including a win over Duke at MSG (known in Devil circles as “Cameron North”). Ravaged by injuries, they finished the regular season 11-9 with both tough losses (by 18 at Marquette) and plucky wins (by 9 over Georgetown). For the most part, they are healthy and playing together again … and showed off by winning the Big East. All this plus a favorable bracket has us thinking they will face Memphis next week. We can’t tell, however, whether we should be nervous or worried that we agree with Bob Knight about Pitt.

Sells

Miami (FL) - ACC bias w000000t! Um … yeah, about that … Miami, we’d like to congratulate you on your invitation to the tournament. Would you have made it, with the exact same squad, if you were in Conference USA instead of the ACC? Not a chance in the world. So enjoy the spotlight and the check, and kindly let St. Mary’s face off against Texas.

MIDWEST REGION

Buys

Clemson - OK, so maybe there is some ACC bias going on here. But as we wrote yesterday, Clemson has a quality squad that has both won and lost very close and tough games against superior competition this year, and has generally owned lesser competition minus a few hiccups. The first round shouldn’t pose much problem for them, but we also think they match up well against Vandy in the second round. As we’ve said before - someone must stop the monster that is Shan Foster, and if it’s not Clemson, don’t think for a second that it will be Kansas.

Sells

USC - We want to believe in Tim Floyd’s squad. (We’re really not sure why - in football season, we hate the sons of Troy with a white-hot heat and wish plagues upon Los Angeles and all of Pete Carroll’s beautiful angels.) We do. We’ve come around on O.J. Mayo and think he might actually be aight. But this team is streaky like taco night boxers, and they are playing against the best player in the country. Even with K-State’s pupu platter on the floor beside Beasley, we like the Wildcats.

WEST REGION

Buys

Duke - You know why? Because we said so. Risky bet? More than you might think - especially if West Virginia, another lanky, defense-oriented, long-shooting team gets to face them on Saturday. But dammit, we’re fans, and we’re gonna pimp our team this weekend because, barring UCLA getting lost on their way to the team buses, we’re pretty sure we won’t be able to do it next weekend.

Sells

Purdue - This was a tough pick for us, because we pretty much see chalk in this region. But of all the “high” seeds, Purdue looks to us to be the most vulnerable. No consistent scoring option, no impressive true road wins out of the Big Ten, and their opponent is an emotionally charged Baylor team. Sure, Baylor has a “just happy to be here” feel to them. But we’re on record as thinking that both of these conferences stink, so we’re going to hope that karma sides with the Bears.

Ain’t no fun like unearned fun.

THE GAME EVERYONE TALKED ABOUT (SORT OF)

A ‘W’ is a ‘W’, I Guess
#3 UCLA 81, California 80

UCLA has started to make a living out of standing on 17 and hoping their dealer busts. Which is, of course, nice work if you can get, and if you can avoid falling behind on your account and living in a piss-filled backalley with rats, meth-addicts, and CSI: extras. It helps when the casino has stacked the deck in your favor.

In case you didn’t see one of the umpteen replays over the weekend, it went down like this: Cal inbounds the ball with a 80-79 lead with 20 seconds to go. Ryan Anderson receives the pass. Josh Shipp knocks the ball out of his hands, and knocks Anderson to the ground. No foul called. Ball given to UCLA despite last touching Shipp. On the inbounds, Shipp hits a circus shot (admittedly impressive) from behind the hoop to put the Bruins ahead. Too bad that’s illegal. But the refs don’t call it, and UCLA escapes, again, thanks to o-fishy-aiding.

Of course, as our father might say, never let the truth get in the way of a good story. And for truthiness-style analysis of the waning minutes of that game, we turn to the only source we think we can trust: a pissed-off, emo-fueled Ukklah fan:

That there video, by the way, contains all the Duke-UNC content you’ll find in this post. We summarized our feelings about that game pretty well here.

TWO ULTIMATELY MEANINGLESS WINS WE ENJOYED ANYWAY

Cue up Yakity Sax, Brian
#11 Georgetown 55, #12 Louisville

If the “lol fundamentals woot!!!1!!” crowd loves anything as much as the Princeton offense, it’s Rick Pitino, so I’m sure they were all pleased by the game in D.C. this weekend. Louisville? 56% from the charity stripe. GU? 17 turnovers, most of the “what the fuck were you thinking???” variety. We said judgment should be reserved on either team until after this game, and after watching all of it we can say with confidence that while both of these teams are good, neither is great by any stretch. Well-coached? Sure. Talented? In part. Fatally flawed? Oh, fuck yes.

That said … hey, Big East regular season championship! Suck that, Syracuse.

Virginia is for Upsets
William & Mary 56, Virginia Commonwealth 54

Hey, nice to see little brother get a win! Good on ya, little man! [rubs Williamsburg's head while entire city squirms and bitches about how they were here first] They hate it when we do that.

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Mouthguard AND brand placement?

Well done, sir.

THE GAME EVERYONE TALKED ABOUT (SORT OF)

Timber …
#3 UCLA 77, #7 Stanford 67 (OT)

The bigger they are, the harder they … something something. This kind of loss should take the wind out of the sails of those damn treehuggers sleepin’ in that redwood. [listens to whispers backstage] Wait, that’s at Berkeley? Eh, one of them hippie schools in the Bay Area; pretty much the same place, aren’t they?

Utter collapse by the Cardinal, which will never cease being a really lame mascot. Double digit lead with five minutes to go? Meaningless - when the Bruins decide to switch it on, it’s ballgame. But it should scare the shit out of Ukkluh fans that it took 35 minutes for such a switch to occur. This is unquestionably the most talented team in the country, and we still think they are losing before the Final Four. Also, the golden ‘C’ on the jersey is remarkably stupid. Unless it’s to commemorate something historic. In which case it’s only whisper-behind-its-back stupid.

THE GAME YOU SHOULD HAVE WATCHED INSTEAD

There wasn’t one. UCLA-Stanford was the best game of the night on paper and on hardwood. Of course, there are some people whose cable/internet went out for twelve hours, so just for all of us you …. (not that we’re bitter):

Arena Finally Lives Up to Name; Immediately Closed
St. Joseph’s 71, #8 Xavier 68

Last night was the last home game in Alumni Memorial Fieldhouse for the Hawks (they’ll play in the Palestra next season while AMF gets renovated), and they scored a huge win over Xavier to set up a “loser gets the NIT, winner gets heartburn” matchup against Dayton on Saturday.

St. Joe’s won the game with teamwork (five players in double digits) and strong defense down the stretch - but not if you read the lead for the AP wire story afterwards. Noooo …. you know who won this game for the Hawks? Jameer Nelson - just by showing up. Has nothing to do with the fact that he’s the only person from St. Joe’s most sportswriters can name (save Dr. Jack, natch.)

FOUR TOURNAMENTS WORTH ONE LINE APIECE

Atlantic Sun - Mustache-tastic Lipscomb shaved by MTSU.

Northeast - Hehehe … Mount St. Mary’s … hahahahah … [wipes tears] … but seriously folks, we’re going to hell.

Missouri Valley - Thousands of teenage boys accept what we have long known: Shockers are surprisingly ineffective.

Big South - Top-seeded UNC-Asheville rolls to finals, but must face three time defending champs Winthrop. Don’t ever fuck with Winthrop.

Looking good, Billy Ray! Feeling good, Louis!

FAIL. (Half the time.)

The Game Everyone is Talking About (sort of)

So much for the lucky blazer
#14 Vanderbilt 72, #1 Tennessee 69:

Bruce Pearl seems to enjoy looking like a Creamsicle for the Vanderbilt and Kentucky games each year. But after last night’s game, Pearl’s record in the neon blazer is only 6-5 since taking over as Vols’ head coach in 2005-06. His desire to honor Ray Mears is admirable, but he’s not paid to honor history, so maybe a normal suit is in order for the UK game next week.

The keys to the win for the red-headed stepnerds of the SEC - hot shooting from senior star Shan Foster (32pts, 9/13 shooting, moderate and justified ballhogging) and cold shooting from the Vols (33% from the field). Vandy has now won four straight games against top-ranked teams, which is … wow.

My one question - does Vandy’s win mean that we have to listen to SEC chest-thumpers brag about how deep the conference is? Yes? DAMMIT. Don’t we get basketball season off from that shit?

The Game You Should Have Watched

Mormons reluctantly accept charity
#25 Brigham Young 70, New Mexico 69

The Cougars didn’t play their best game - they committed twice as many turnovers, let the Lobos grab 12 offensive rebounds, and floor leader Lee Cummard fouled out with a minute to go in a tight game. Fortunately, the Lobos were feeling grabby all over - and BYU’s squad reacted in exactly the understated, socially-neutral (read: boring) way you would expect - nailing their free throws down the stretch to clinch a hard conference win. Still, it was an overtime game, and overtime basketball kicks ass.

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