Welcome one and all to a truly epic day in the 2007 season which I’ve dubbed Ballgasm Saturday. ESPN’s incestuous family of networks is airing four quality games that are conveniently stacked up one after another. If it were up to me I’d be locked in my apartment for the next 8 hours, but society demands that I buy crap for relatives because some assholes decided that their god was born around the time of the winter solstice to dupe a bunch of pagan assholes. Hooray!

Getting back to the original point, it’s a dream day to be a basketball fan who already has his shopping done. Here’s a handy breakdown of all the action.

No. 4 Georgetown at No. 2 Memphis

Simply put, this is the kind of game that makes me happy to be alive. This one’s already over (I tried to write the post during the game but I only managed a couple of nonsensical sentences) and Memphis was superb in victory. Georgetown couldn’t find their offensive rhythm in the second half and they had no answer for Chris Douglas-Roberts. Regardless of the outcome I maintain that these are the two best teams in the nation on a neutral court (shut the fuck up UNC and KU fans, I can already hear your bitching). Hopefully the Hoyas get another shot in the Final Four.

No. 12 Tennessee at No. 24 Xavier

Drew Lavender is easily the most talented midget in college basketball but he’s seriously lacking in the wacky antics department. Regardless of his skill I don’t see Xavier sticking around against a Tennessee team composed entirely of full sized humans. The best battle of the day will be between Bruce Pearl’s dominating puddle and the scrappy mop boys of Xavier.

No. 25 Stanford at Texas Tech

The Lopez sisters are going to make Bobby Knight wish his team wasn’t so damn shitty. Seriously Knight, just go away now.

No. 5 Texas at No. 10 Michigan State

D.J. Augustin is about as good as it gets but that’s nothing new for Rick Barnes and it’s never seemed to help his teams win big games in the past. Michigan State counters with Drew Nietzel, who is a great guard with ten years of college basketball experience, and the masterful Tom Izzo. The floorboards will run burnt orange with the blood of the Longhorns.

Oh ESPN, you spoil us so.

I’ll be back to recap the action later tonight if I’m not being held in custody for bludgeoning a salesperson to death.

Stanford’s Brook Lopez (not to be confused with Kelly Brook) returned from his academic ineligibility (Stanford has academic standards, who knew?!) to lead the Cardinal over Santa Claus Clara last night. Brook rejoined his twin brother Robin in the starting lineup but their other brothers Trixie, Crystal, and Barbie are still missing and presumed effeminate. The better/stupider twin led the way with 20 points in just 19 minutes to go along with a standout performance on the defensive end of the floor. Santa Clara’s left tackle/center, John Bryant, looked both frustrated and starving all night long.

Stanford 74 - Santa Clara 48

Levance Fields is a stud.

Damn stereotypes!  

Last night the Arizona Wildcats faced a tough test from Rene and the rest of the Fabulous Rougeau Brothers  on the UNLV roster. It’s amazing how quickly Kevin O’Neill can turn a group of explosive offensive players into absolute dog shit, but hey, the guy is a master. Jordan Hill was dominant again with 16 points and 19 rebounds. Then he raped the shit out of Bill Brasky, Chuck Norris, and Tim Tebow at the same time.

Arizona 52 - UNLV 49 

Follow after the jump for additional action from around the country.

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The college basketball landscape is a vast, vast countryside with rolling meadows, open plains, treacherous cliffs, and other various biomes ripe for hyperbole. 35seconds would like to help everyone explore this random land of wonderment by bringing to light some lesser known programs. Whether they have bracket-busting aspirations, interesting back stories, or just give good mascot, there’s always room for some mid-major lovin’.

Oakland University Golden Grizzlies (5-6, 1-1) RPI: 207, unranked

Notable Wins: Bowling Green

Notable Losses: at MSU, at Xavier, at Michigan

The Oakland Grizzlies are usually a staple of every midwestern tuneup schedule. Located in Rochester, Michigan and NOT the San Francisco Bay Area, the Golden Grizzlies have confused their fair share of uninformed freshman throughout the years. Led by coach Greg Kampe, Oakland U has one trip to the dance (2005) under their belts, and got the privlege of having North Carolina stomp on their face 96-68. Junior forward Derick Nelson leads the team in points and rebounds per game, just shy of a nightly double-double with 20-8. Sophomore guard Johnathan Jones leads with 6 assists per game. The Golden Grizzlies face a tough challenge in the Summit League, having to overcome the Oral Roberts, IUIPUIs, and IPFWs to get the conferences lone bid. This Saturday they have a chance to drastically improve their RPI when Oregon stops by for a visit.

St. Mary’s College of California Gaels (7-1, 0-0) RPI: 1, unrkanked

Notable wins: Oregon, Seton Hall, SDSU

Notable losses: at Southern Ill.

That RPI#1 is probably a bit deceptive given the small sample size an omission of the SIU loss, but the Gaels have a fine shot at the West Coast Conference if they can assert themselves against Gonzaga and Santa Clara. The Gaels’ junior forward Diamon Simpson averages 12.6 pts/game with 8 rebounds with the help of four Australian imports, juniors Ben Allen, Carlin Hughes, and Lucas Walker alongside freshman standout Patrick Mills (15.5 pts/game). Head Coach Randy Bennett certainly hopes to contend for a second bid from the WCC, if not win the conference outright. St. Mary’s 2005 team was the first WCC member to make the tournament as an at-large, and there’s a chance they can do it again. The Gaels travel to Austin to take on #5 Texas January 5th before starting conference play three days later at Fresno State.

Sorry for the delay, but we were fully engrossed in last night’s Marquette-Indiana-Purdue Ft. Wayne match up. For all of the bitter crappiness that is Winter, the least college basketball could do is adopt a stronger system for non-conference games. The current system is roughly six weeks of “Ohio State vs Georgia Southern”, and while we mean no disrespect to those fine programs, there is a gaping hole in the sports schedule between the football regular season and the holidays. There’s not even any kind of meaningful professional business going on during the week, the least we can do is have something to wager on where the underdog is better than -450.

All of that said, there was some outcomes relevant to the national discussion this weekend, so without any further delay:

#9 Pitt exacts revenge on Oklahoma State 85-68

Freshman mountain-man DeJuan Blair goes 20/10 with 5 blocks as the Panthers take it to the Cowboys at home. Oklahoma State eliminated Pittsburgh in last year’s Elite 8, but the forward would have none of that in his new home. Junior guard Levance Fields scored 17 in support with 6 assists in the win. Oklahoma State’s Obi Muonelo came off the bench for 11 points. The undefeated Panthers host Duke this Thursday.

#11 Tennessee squeaks by the Hilltoppers 88-82

Wester Kentucky’s Big Red mascot is quite possibly the greatest to ever put on a whatsit, but it wasn’t enough to get past the visiting Volunteeers Saturday night. Freshman center Brian Williams scored 16 points with 14 boards, and senior guard JaJuan Smith led with 19 points as Bruce Pearl’s team advanced to 9-1 on the year. Western Kentucky has lost to Tennessee twice this year by a combined 10 points while also suffering a close loss to Gonzaga. The Vols round up December with trips to Xavier and Gonzaga later this month.

#16 Oregon fails to beat the Huskers at the line, lose 88-79 in OT

Tajuan Porter had a chance to spoil the ‘Huskers first game at the Qwest Center, but failed to sink his only free throw attempt with 9 seconds remaining. Once in the extra period, Nebraska took the early lead and never looked back. Senior center Alecks Maric was the leading scorer with 29 points. The game marks the first played at the new arena, over 60 miles from school’s the Lincoln campus.

Sun Devils rout #17 Xavier, snapping 7 game streak

Arizona State held the Cavaliers Muskateers to a dismal 30% from the field as the Sun Devils rolled to a 77-55 victory in Tempe. The game marked Xavier’s worst offensive showing of the season, their other coming in a 59-57 loss at Miami(OH). In contrast, ASU shot 60% outside the paint, including 10-19 from behind the arc. Led by sophomore guard Jerren Shipp’s 17 points, the Sun Devil’s scored 30 points off the bench.

#19 Butler tops Florida State, Purdue over Louisville in Wooden Classic

Butler’s senior guard AJ Graves sunk seven 3-pointers in the Bulldogs 79-68 victory over the Seminoles. FSU junior forward Uche Echfeu led both teams with 12 rebounds and 5 vowels. On the other half of the card, #20 Louisville failed again in their attempt to get Coach Pitino’s 500th win. Falling 67-59 to the Boilers, UL is now 5-3 including going 0-2 since Pitino’s 499th. Freshman Robbie Hummel led Purdue with 15 points, 5 boards, and 2 blocks.

North Carolina takes care of Rutgers 93-71 as Hansbrough hits the whatchamacallit

The Tarheel Tar Heel phenom hit the uh … the … that thing with the basket … what’s it called … the stanchion? Yeah…he hits the stanchion as UNC dominated the Scarlet Knights at the RAC. Teammate Ty Lawson scored 26 points with 5 assists and 4 steals while Hansbrough was too busy being concussed Gus Ferrotte style by an inanimate obejct. While coverage of the injury has been robust, we can’t get over how many times Raftery says stanchion. It’s just fun to say.

Hello assorted bloggerati, I’d like to welcome you to Thirty Five Seconds. What you see here is the newest, shiniest, college basketballiest corner of these infinite internets. My name is Unsilent Majority and perhaps you know me from my work at Kissing Suzy Kolber, Deadspin, my occasional contributions to No Mas, or from that time I left a comment at your blog calling you a mealymouthed cuntface (no hard feelings!). Now I’ve found myself yet another home on the internet, and it is good.

This fancy new blog associates itself with college basketball, the second most relevant pursuit in all of higher education (the pursuit of pussy’s grip on the top spot is tighter than Gary Williams’ sphincter). My love for amateur basketball knows no bounds and frankly, the very idea of contributing to such a fine blog all season long has left me more than a little bit engorged. Follow after the jump for some pertinent information on me, The Maj.

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The college basketball landscape is a vast, vast countryside with rolling meadows, open plains,, treacherous cliffs, and other various biomes ripe for hyperbole. 35seconds would like to help everyone explore this random land of wonderment by bringing to light some lesser known programs. Whether they have bracket-busting aspirations, interesting back stories, or just give good mascot, there’s always room for some mid-major lovin’.

The University of Rhode Island Rams- (10-1, 0-0) RPI:19, currently unranked

Notable victories: at USF, Providence, at Syracuse

Notable losses: at BC

Only a 76-72 defeat at Chestnut Hill keeps the URI Rams from 11-0. The former home of the NBA’s Cuttino Mobley and Lamar Odom is always in that fuzzy grey area otherwise known as the perennial bubble. In a conference like the Atlantic 10, it is hard to get noticed on a regular basis, what with the limited berths or mid-majordom and recent runs by Xavier, George Washington, St. Joe’s, and Richmond. Names to know? Junior G Jimmy Baron and senior F Will Daniels lead the team in scoring, averaging 15.5 and 17.9/pts game, while junior big man Kahiem Seawright is this close to averaging a double-double (7.5 pts/7.9 boards) a night. On paper, the Rams have the pieces together to give some larger power conference school fits in the middle of Boise or Greensboro on a random 10pm start. So far, they’ve shown they can hang with the heavies, so we’ll be keeping an eye on their conference play. URI opens up A10 play at Dayton on January 9th.

University of Maryland-Baltimore County Retrievers: (7-3), RPI: 57, unranked

Notable victories: at Richmond, George Washington

Notable losses: Wichita State, Central Connecticut

The noble Retrievers of UMBC, Chesapeake Bay retrievers to be exact, have the kind of plucky charm we like to see in hyphenated underdogs. Currently holding the best record among its America East peers, UMBC looks in the early goings as someone to pencil in for the berth. When the closest peer is Albany at 4-4, we tend to start brushing up on our random mascot trivia for March. Spreading the points around with senior guards Brian Hodges and Ray Barbosa, junior forward Darryl Proctor, and senior forward Cavell Johnson, the Retrievers have 4 players averaging over 14pts/game with Proctor and Johnson combining for 16 rebounds a night. Again, note the senior leadership that is a common watermark of scrappy unknowns. UMBC rounds out their December with trips to West Virginia and Ohio State, and here’s hoping they put a good scare into their “tuneup” games. Am. East play begins January 3rd at Stony Brook.

This weekend sponsored by NutraSweet ™.

Texas defeats Rice to go 9-0 for first time in 26 years-

Sophomore Damion James scored 18 points while pulling down 17 rebounds in the Longhorns rout of the Owls. This #5 Texas team earned its ranking by actually playing a tough non-conference schedule that includes wins over Tennessee and UCLA. Their December slate includes tough games against TCU and Wisconsin and a visit to Michigan State. Please do not confuse their scheduling for that of their football colleagues.

Davidson retains ’scary’ moniker after almost besting UCLA-

The Wildcats have played the role of giant killers pretty well so far this season, but unfortunately, without the results. After frightening the bejesus out of both UNC and Duke, Davidson led #8 UCLA at the half in Westwood, only to be taken down yet again by a late Bruins surge. UCLA junior forward Luc Richard Mbah a Moute led the team with 21 points and a triple word score.

Flyers ruin Pitino’s shot at 500-

Dayton took down #11 Louisville 70-65 on Saturday, as the Cardinals couldn’t contain senior guard Brian Roberts. Shooting 12-23 from the field for 28 points, he single handedly gave Dayton a huge road win and forced Pitino to look for #500 away from Freedom Hall. The Cardinals play at Purdue on Saturday.

Wright State ruins Horizon League seeding in a barnburning upset of #13 Butler-

The roof flew off of the Ervin J Nutter Center (Heretofore know as The Nut) Saturday as the Ramblers upset the Bulldogs. Wright State’s Jordan Pleiman had a chance to put up some go-ahead points from the line, but missed the front end of the one-and-one. Despite teammate Todd Brown’s rebound, Butler managed a last second steal to set up AJ Graves’ buzzer beater. The senior missed the three pointer, finishing a 2 for 11 night, and sealing his team’s fate 43-42.

#15 Marquette ends #23 Wisconsin’s 28-game streak-

Marquette [mascot in flux] Dominic James led the team with 20 points as the [mascot in flux] defeated the Badgers in Madison for the first time in 10 years. Brian Butch led the Badgers with 17 points and 5 rebounds. Wisconsin will attempt to reclaim some state pride against Wisconsin-Milwaukee on Wednesday.

Arizona wins one for Lute, defeats [Fighting Redacted] in Chicago-

After hearing that coach Lute Olsen would not be returning this season, the Wildcats dug deep to take down Illinois in front of a packed United Center. Jordan Hill dominated with 23 points and 14 rebounds including a late layup to send the game to OT.

College basketball is unique in that every team has a chance to win it all, and even the smallest schools can field a D-I team. The problem posed by over 300 teams spread across the country is where to start? Easily enough, 35seconds is going to begin as this young season unfolds, adding to the conversation where it can as the identities start to form, contenders take shape, and conferences bear down. If we can rip off some good humor while we’re at it, all more the better.

Tonight’s Jimmy V Classic in NYC brings together 4 teams in various stages of contending maturity: Southern Cal, Memphis, Notre Dame, and Kansas State. Comparing them from scratch is a tough task for even legitimate journalists, so we’re going to cut straight to our blogging roots and begin with the old chestnut, the comparison post. Ladies and mostly gentlemen, the Jimmy V Classic as General Mills Monster Cereal.

Southern Cal- Count Chocula

The old standby of the charactered breakfast cereals, Count Chocula is a go to pick for sugary Saturday mornings in front of the cartoons, lazy Sundays, and all those other times when you want to eat vampire sponsored chocolate. The Trojans may have been forgotten for a bit, but just like the Count, once you start thinking about them, you realize just how good they can be. Freshman standout OJ Mayo, the defacto story coming out of SC, is dazzling everyone with his guard play. Averaging 21pts a game against such competition as Oklahoma and #4 Kansas, the HT prospect is making good on his hype. Fellow freshmen, Davon Jefferson is also getting it done at forward for the Trojans. They face a tough matchup late Tuesday night with Memphis, but Southern Cal already has some tough experience to draw from.

Memphis- Franken Berry

The Memphis Tigers are a damn good basketball team, and nobody needs us saying so. Ranked #2 in the latest polls, the team still probably doesn’t get enough of the attention it deserves. Also, just like Franken Berry’s unconventional taste, the Tigers are experimenting with a new fangled offensive philosophy. Based on international play, you know, the kind that whoops on traditional US stylings, Coach Calipari is running a more aggressive, wide-open offense that encourages full speed driving and attacking the boards, dubbed “Princeton on Steroids.” Memphis is always stacked from top to bottom with tremendous athletes, matching this unconventional style very well. They are 10 deep, with guards Chris Douglas-Rogers and Derrick Rose leading the charge. We haven’t had the time to catch it in action, and can’t wait to see it for the first time tonight.

Notre Dame- Boo Berry

Confession time. The writer is an unabashed Notre Dame fan and a legitimately obsessed ND Hoops fan. While his attention to the team has lapsed recently, deep down is still the kid who camped out for seats back when Troy Murphy was still around. Under Mike Brey, the Fighting Irish have certainly had their ups and downs, going from quality Big East seasons to missing the tournament for what feels like forever. Just when you think they’re back to respectability, Winthrop gives them the mid-major business in last year’s first round. Putting it simply, on any given day Notre Dame can be a really good team, but they can also be a really bad team, just like Boo Berry. Most identified by wily point guard Kyle McAlarney and manchild Luke Harangody, the Irish are always an enigma looking to do some damage when they can.

Fruit Brute- Kansas State

The “forgotten” team of this year’s Jimmy V Classic, Kansas State seems to be here just because. Well, not to mention the likeness to the Fruit Brute is uncanny. The Wildcats bring in a relatively young team of freshmen under coach Frank Martin that nearly upset #17 Oregon last week. Teetering on the bubble of a national ranking, K-State joins the vast ether of power conference teams struggling to keep momentum throughout the season. A victory over Notre Dame would give them some cache going forward, but nothing like upsetting bigger names like USC and Memphis. Led by freshman guard Michael Beasley’s 27pts a game, Kansas State hopes to get noticed and remind everyone that they are a quality team despite hiding in the shadows of the Big XII.

While there’s really nothing on the line save a little bit of pride and a hell of a good cause, here are our picks:

Memphis over Southern Cal

Notre Dame over Kansas State