Graduating seniors, esteemed faculty, family and friends of the UConn community - I’m so happy to be back with you all here in Storrs today. Even though I last played for Coach Auriemma thirteen years ago, my experiences here at the University of Connecticut continue to be the best of my life. I’ll always be proud of how much I accomplished here, and will be eternally grateful for everything it learned during my college career.
Which is why I’m truly honored to address the graduating class this year. I hope that all of you graduating seniors have made memories here in that you hold just as dear, and that you have dreams just as big for what you will do when you leave here today. But I also hope and pray that someone in this audience will save me from the hell I’ve been living since I left.
The daily spin through the day’s top stories - got something we should cover? Email us at thirtyfiveseconds[at]yahoo[dot]com.
Perhaps an ill-advised cover shoot.
THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT Inconceivable!
Pop quiz to start your weeks, ladies and gentlemen - and we don’t want to hear any complaining, because if you’ve been reading the assigned material, this one will be easy: Which of the following post-season events, all related to one Ovinton J’Anthony Mayo, was the most predictable? Was it …
If you answered (D), congratulations. Clearly, the most predictable of all these events was the column, for the Louisville Loudmouth is like a well-oiled machine, students - steely and efficient to be sure, but deadly and fear-inducing. Our guess is that Forde wrote yesterday’s column three years ago, while Mayo was still a Appalachian lad, and simply edited to include the relevant facts in record. Had nothing newsworthy happened, he would have found a reason to post the column anyway.
If you answered anything but (D), for shame. With all the evidence we have about the NCAA’s successful oversight of ethical conduct (99% of athletes haven’t been caught yet!), that O.J. might receive illicit benefits was … well, we’ll let Vizzini explain:
You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, students.
TWO STORIES THAT INTERESTED US FOR NO GOOD REASON No Wonder He’s Recruiting Middle Schoolers
Last week, we noted that while transfer #1 may be ignored as a fluke for any program, transfer #2 can be properly viewed as a sign of trouble brewing. (We noted this in reference to our own alma mater, so maybe red flags jumped up too early, but still.) We control-c, control-p this advice again today as Kentucky announced two player transfers over the weekend.
Marginal players seeking greener pastures and more playing time? Perhaps. But given Billy Gillespie’s youth-oriented recruiting strategy - with commitments for every class through the next presidential administration now on the books - perhaps these gentlemen wanted to get out of Lexington before being replaced by zygotes.
It’s Only Hubris If You Can’t Back It Up
After a week unintentionally filled with Carolina-fueled stories, apparently our subconscious mind felt it necessary to offer equal time to the Blue Devils, which inevitably leads to much silliness. Case in point - a beautifully homer-tastic look by DBR at the so-called Duke Curse, in the wake of Huggy Bear’s slip-and-fall at the Greensboro airport last week.
We applaud the research efforts of DBR and their affiliates. However, tracking a would-be curse on each team that eliminates your squad in the tournament sounds like a more academic approach to the old standby chant for fans of the losing team:
We’ve never heard this in Cameron - but let’s just say we wouldn’t be surprised by it.
Since it isn’t Wednesday, we don’t feel bad for stealing a concept from the mothership. We hope everyone enjoys Mexican St. Patrick’s Day by drinking their fill in non-Corona Mexican beer (because Corona is for people who hate themselves), eating their body weight in tortilla chips, and accidentally injuring a loved one while swinging at a piñata.
Ready to conquer all the French forces … and ladies … in his path.
Us? Oh, we’ll be doing our part for the festivities, then playing GTA IV for about ten hours before taking the last final exam of our academic careers tomorrow morning. No morning roundup, but we’ll be back in the afternoon.
The daily spin through the day’s top stories - got something we should cover? Email us at thirtyfiveseconds[at]yahoo[dot]com.
This likely won’t end well.
THE STORY EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT Campaigning in North Cackolack The Effective Way
The old story in our home state is that if Dean Smith wanted to be Governor, all he’d have to do is run, so rich is his cachet with the Tar Heel faithful, who comprise a bigger potential voting bloc than soccer moms and NASCAR dads put together. (Which is good, since NASCAR dads couldn’t get Richard Petty elected Secretary of State in 1996, nor could the soccer moms prevent Mia Hamm from marrying Nomar Garciaparra. ‘Cause that should have required a vote, right?)
With the North Carolina primary coming up next week, one candidate was smart enough to try to tap into that voter base. Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL, in case you’ve been living under a rock) showed up in Chapel Hill early yesterday morning to play pickup with Psycho T and his Funky Bunch while Roy Williams watched from the sidelines. Which kind of makes it a coach-observed scrimmage. Which kind of makes it a NCAA rules viola … oh, bother:
“This was a unique situation and not an NCAA issue,” NCAA media relations director Erik Christianson said in an e-mail message to The News & Observer on Tuesday. “It certainly was a great opportunity for the student-athletes to interact with a presidential candidate.”
Dammit - the one time we WANT the NCAA to be nitpicky, overly-sensitive, by-the-books dweebs, they actually recognize a situation for what it is! But realistically, yeah, it was just a pick up game. We can’t blame Obama for using his notoriety to get a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity most would kill for. But it certainly didn’t constitute an endorsement or anything, right?
Williams, who watched the play from a chair on the sideline, called out at one point: “You’ve got the future president of the United States wide open.”
INDIANAPOLIS (AP) - In response to demands from coaches and fans of college basketball, as well as rising rancor from media coverage of the sport, the NCAA promised that it would make changes to the way in which college basketball chooses its national champion starting in 2009.
“We didn’t want to throw away seventy years of tradition on a whim, but tension against the tournament-style format has been building for years,” said NCAA President Myles Brand on Monday morning after a three-hour meeting with university presidents. “Ultimately, we think that it is time that college basketball came into agreement with our other major revenue sport so that the fans can finally be satisfied with end-of-season matchups that are both satisfying and will conclusively determine the best team in the sport.”
The new Poll of Objective and Observable Percentages (POOP) system*, designed by ACC Commissioner and BCS President John Swofford and a team of trained monkeys, is based on the successful Bowl Championship Series used in Division I-A football. Teams will be rated on a weekly basis, starting Jan. 1 of each year / season. The rankings will take into account three factors: the team’s rank in the Ratings Percentage Index (RPI), the team’s rank in the ESPN/USA Today Coaches’ Poll, and the team’s average rating across eight computer-based ranking systems. Each of these three sources will be treated equally, and the average of the three values will constitute the team’s straight POOP score.
“Our hope is that by using POOP to determine who plays for the national championship, rather than the current haphazard system of the NCAA tournament, we’ll be able to restore some normalcy to the proceedings,” said Swofford. “I mean, the whole March Madness name is a double-edged sword, ya know?” (more…)
After another busy tournament weekend, it’s time for another installment of “conference elimination theater” here at Thirtyfive Seconds. Please put your favorites in the comments (lord knows we left some behind), but once again, join us as we say goodbye to teams that have provided us with seconds of laughter over the past years, such as …
Real life kicked us in the teeth this morning, so no roundup until after lunch. But we will be back. Why would you choose life, choose a job, choose anything when there is blogging?
A few updates after a relatively light night of games:
The Game Everyone Was Talking About (sort of)
Beasley Cries Himself to Sleep, Wants His Huggins - #5 Texas 74, Kansas State 65: Put yourself in Michael Beasley’s shoes. Every night you step on the court, you drop a double-double (last night’s line: 30 points, 15 boards with 5 on offense, a pair of dimes and a steal). On any given night, your teammates MIGHT show up. More likely, as they did last night, they will actually vomit on the court. (Taking out Beasley’s stats, the Wildcats shot 26% from the floor and 45% from the line.) There are millions on the table in the NBA. Oh, and you are stuck in Manhattan, Kansas. I’m a big fan of higher education, with the student debt to prove it, and even I want Beasley to go to the NBA for his own sanity.
Meanwhile, the Longhorns showed the type of balance you need to win games on the road. Connor Atchley, who is unsurprisingly Caucasian, contributed 14 points and 7 boards despite spending most of the game in foul trouble after vain attempts to guard Beasley. D.J. Augustin and A.J. Abrams contributed 24 and 13 respectively thanks to 45% accuracy behind the arc. (The Longhorns may struggle against faster teams with better perimeter defense, but that’s a problem for another day.)
The Game You Should Have Watched
More evidence that student government causes harm than good - Texas Southern 77, Arkansas-Pine Bluff 76: The unfortunately-abbreviated APB sent the game to overtime when Marcelle Goins nailed a shot from half court as the buzzer sounded to tie the score at 68. Texas Southern, however, had a two point lead going into overtime thank to a technical foul called on APB as time expired. What gave? After Goins’ miracle lob, the home crowd celebrated by littering the court with cups, Frisbees, and pens given out pregame by candidates for student office. The two gimmes were the difference, keeping APB three games behind Alabama State in conference standings. Video courtesy of tWWL after the jump, that suggests that the refs may have overreacted just a bit: (more…)
