Hello assorted bloggerati, I’d like to welcome you to Thirty Five Seconds. What you see here is the newest, shiniest, college basketballiest corner of these infinite internets. My name is Unsilent Majority and perhaps you know me from my work at Kissing Suzy Kolber, Deadspin, my occasional contributions to No Mas, or from that time I left a comment at your blog calling you a mealymouthed cuntface (no hard feelings!). Now I’ve found myself yet another home on the internet, and it is good.
This fancy new blog associates itself with college basketball, the second most relevant pursuit in all of higher education (the pursuit of pussy’s grip on the top spot is tighter than Gary Williams’ sphincter). My love for amateur basketball knows no bounds and frankly, the very idea of contributing to such a fine blog all season long has left me more than a little bit engorged. Follow after the jump for some pertinent information on me, The Maj.
Alright, for starters you should know that I consider myself to be a fan of three college basketball programs, each for it’s own unique reason. Let’s break it down.
First and foremost is the University of Pittsburgh. I attended Pitt during the transition from the Fitzgerald Field House to the Peterson Events Center. Although I’ve yet to attend a bullfight on acid, I was shrooming pretty heavily at the Pete’s grand opening. To this day I’m still a bit scared of laser shows and that big hairless alpaca that used to play for Duquesne. Although I never “graduated” or even “went to classes” I did receive an education in the beauty of the collegiate game. Anybody who says that Ben Howland isn’t the best coach in America can eat my balls with coleslaw and fries on Primanti’s finest bread.
Then there’s the other college I attended out in the sparse desert that is Tucson. My time at the University of Arizona was…interesting, but I did manage to enjoy the hell out of basketball season. You know, up until March. The Wildcats are more frustrating than a PG rated massage from Jessica Alba but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy the shit out of them.
As a youth growing up in the DC area I was always drawn to Georgetown’s team. And why not? Maryland was (and still is) coached by an insufferable cockweasel who consistently fails to land local high school stars and GW is a consistent mess. So even if the decision to cheer for the Hoyas was a conscious one, it was really really easy. Sure, AI was fun to watch, but for me, it didn’t get any better than Victor Page. Although I’ll root for Pitt whenever the two teams play my love for the Hoyas returned when I moved home. This was made especially easy by my decision to get an apartment in Georgetown
But enough of that lovey dovey horseshit. The real reason I love college basketball is for the hate. So if you’re a fan of a team that’s not listed above there’s a fairly good chance that I fucking hate you and everything you hold dear (I’m looking at you Kentucky boy). Regardless of what transpires, it’s going to be a fun season. I’ll be contributing my thoughts and incites right here all season long.